A Healthy Fear of Sharks (ft. Arturo Castro) – Dollar Store Therapist

I am terrified of sharks. Duh nah.
Please done. Duh nah.
No, no, no. Duh, nah, duh nah. That’s so triggering, dude. They are awful creatures.
A fear of sharks is healthy. Now, what are
your other real problems? Shouldn’t I be getting
over my fears? Fine. It’s your money. Let’s talk about
your perfectly rational fear of homicidal sea orcs.
How did the problem start? I must’ve been seven years old. My family has a beach house
in Guatemala and I walked into the water- You grew up on a beach
in Guatemala? Oh, near one. Yes. That sounds like paradise. It’s not paradise, my friend. Okay. I’m the youngest of four,
so sometimes I have to play by myself in the Peten
Itza Rainforest. It got lonely. Wait, you grew up near a beach
and a rainforest. Yes. Near both, yes. You and I had
very different childhoods. Oh. Where’d you grow up? A town called Deadhorse, Alaska,
west side. West side is always nice. We only got sunlight
a couple of hours a year. Hmm.
Lonely place. You see, I can relate to that,
my friend. Sometimes I felt like
in Guatemala, my only friends, who were the beautiful
wild horses that I used to run with for miles and miles
on the white sand beaches. What are you, fucking Tarzan? Sorry, what was that?
Nothing. I didn’t grow up with
a silver spoon, my friend. Okay, I can relate. Some nights
all we had to eat were rice and beans and homegrown tomatoes
and zucchinis and [inaudible 00:01:16] plantains
and Avocados and tamales. It’s like, “Can the cooks
come up with anything else?” You know what I’m saying? We had mashed seal every meal. What’s that type of dish? You just take an entire seal
and you beat it, until cooked. Bare bones, man. The bare bones. Do you know what we occasionally
had for a treat? What? Actual bare bones? I feel bad for kids
these days, man. Bones of a bear. They will never know
what it was like playing ,like we did.
You know? Now on this, we can agree. Kids these days have
no attention span whatsoever. They can’t even focus
on a simple game of- fiddling through the jungle. Why was your childhood
so wonderful? Oh, wow. My childhood
was incredible. What am I complaining about? The grand scheme of things
you think like, oh, just don’t go in that water.
You know? There’s plenty of other things
to do in Guatemala. Yeah. Good luck with the shocks. Oh you son of a bitch. Dollar store therapist,
he wastes your time.

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