A Model Rips Into Her Addiction & Comes Out With a Safe Space for Girls: Adwoa Aboah



talk a little bit about how you feel about doing this it's funny because I didn't think I was gonna be nervous but I am yeah I am quite nervous I'm not sure it's about taking the clothes off sir I think it's just about um what kind of questions you're going to ask yeah is that a hood or a hat how can you drop it he what do you think are the assumptions that people make about you at first glance intimidating intimidating me why I call it a resting bitchface it's just like when I'm playing I look slightly look quite aggressive I mean I'm not like that at all but by thing because I'm really shy and I always have been oh I was pushed around a lot throughout school and everything and I just now in my head in the back of my mind I never want to be that kind of person they're just like people walk all over I just couldn't stand up for myself I wanted to be like someone else all the other girls what were they like blonde white blue-eyed sexy all the boys fancied them I had braids everyone had straight hair then I got straight hair and it then felt weird and I actually wore half for two years just didn't dig out embarrassing yeah like so embarrassed so embarrassed any positive influences in your life um no no like there wasn't any whining look to or like no someone asked me this the other day do you think people are born sad and I actually do I think I actually was born like quite least slightly sad and I just really remember just being like I'm a car bothered to like feel any emotions anymore so I just kind of like cut off from all of it stopped kind of confiding people withdrew from all my friends in London and tried really hard to fit in with all my friends from boarding school I remember getting the drums called my 14th birthday and trying some spliff and then like very quickly it just went on to cope but I was never really into that and then as soon as I filed Kettleman it kind of just went so I could just a downer it's a so rank I say a horse tranquilizer that was the one that really got me because it's just noms y'all how much drugs really just everyday you know my favorite was just sitting my room and doing by myself and then what happened was you know certain people you know that they weren't going out and the Tuesday night I could easily find out find another group that were going out on that day then maybe they were going out on Wednesday so I'd hang out with them someone why'd you stop oh just I don't think I necessarily wanted to stop it was just um my parents sent me to Arizona it was my choice to come out with everything and be like I've got a problem this is what's been happening I don't you know they've definitely always known that I took drugs and I kind of I just don't think they knew the amount it was like a proper intervention I'm a psychologist Claire he's the most amazing woman in the world she was there as a and then in the other corner was this other woman Jose what the fuck is this woman doing she was like this is so-and-so from Cottonwood and I was like oh my god oh my god and I just remember I just sat there everyone was crying nothing I think I might have smiled or something something really weird but by that time like that time I just did not feel anything and the people that I've grown up with they take a lot of drugs so it wasn't necessarily unheard of it wasn't it was normal so I got away with it for a long time how did the modeling thing happen and did that like affect your image of yourself at all yeah and definitely I think rejections from that rejection from modeling yeah negatively about yeah I think you know losing out on jobs and you know um and being judged on your appearance you know I definitely grew a second skin and got used to it but more so now I realized that it definitely didn't it definitely contributed to like a lot of the things that I feel about myself so at first was at all like a booster to your self-esteem that you got scouted I don't know if it was a booster I've never like shoved in people's faces um and I definitely don't think it made me feel any better about myself being in a magazine or doing anything you know you know I think if you don't like being in your skin it doesn't matter how many times people say beautiful how many jobs you get whatever is I just didn't I didn't want to be a juror that self-hatred is something that I work on they like on a daily basis so okay so let's go to Arizona tell us what happened I first went into detox and then I left detox and the sudden realization that I was in the middle of the desert by myself I then asked to go back Perdita yeah I was like I can't sorry I don't want to be around any of these people was put in my room with other roommates and was like no thank you one back yeah how does that mean oh oh you did go yeah they let you do that it wasn't even the roommates I was just literally had a panic attack I was like I cannot believe I'm here I was so sure I didn't want to make friends I didn't want people to say hi to me and like being a new gang I don't know then you had it all so no drugs to make it less things that you producing exactly no running away for the first time I was just like there I um I met these women a lot older than me and they just looked after me that was what we were all so they our area mm-hmm I called them my mother's they just we sat every night um every lunchtime every morning and we just chatted smoked cigarettes very like really lovely hmm yeah that's amazing and yeah and that love helped you to love yourself yeah no doubt myself just confide just actually start talking connect here and I hadn't done that I pushed everyone away and these these women they definitely you know it definitely wasn't easy after I left Cottonwood but they got me to an emotional level I was so not used to do like feeling all these things I was so not used to people asking me how I feel you know I never cried in public you know I've been holding my tears tears back in this whole thing for ages and then some you know I'm still like that I have to work really hard to just not put up a front I didn't want to leave in the end yeah I so did not want to go um the Dogon I mean I went to three more treatments of that why what happened when he came back um I went into like sober living like a halfway house I overdosed straightaway I was found in the bathroom I had to be taken to hospital I just lost a friend who never does so my dad was they I just can't believe that that hasn't taught you you know in Arizona they really told me they're like agile take it slow don't overwhelm yourself and like the first thing I did when I got back was try and get myself back into life hang out with everyone be this new person and I just so wasn't there yet my third of October I tried to commit suicide last year mmm that's after the relapse hmm why'd you do an overdose yeah and then what happened um I was in the coma for days um he's a close one my parents put me in psychiatric care for a month there I was just kind of kept safe from myself really I didn't I spent a lot of time just sitting in my room cotton would only got me to a level when I got back to London was still making lovely friends I had a great counselor um he all seemed to be going on the outside everything was going pretty well but inside I just was just so tired and in a lot of pain so what's happened since then um at Christmas I suddenly like snapped out of it you know had my cousin's around me I had my mom and dad my sister I was going to build this relationship I looked around and I was like fuck I'm so happy to still be here and then from then on I just put my all into it I started opening up I started doing everything that everyone told me to do I went to meetings I saw my counselor regularly and you've been in a much better space since then the opportunities that I like coming my way I mean it's amazing like wow girls talk is my baby a charity that I'm hopefully setting up while I am in the making of setting up it's just about opening up a space within schools where we as women and girls can talk about whatever we want they tell me things that would they would never tell anyone so I've got to meet them halfway I've got to start you know confiding in them these fifteen-year-old girls and I can't tell you how nervous that makes me feel but as soon as I do you know I'm 23 they're 15 we're still going through the same things and that I mean it doesn't matter they're Hispanic they come from a different background I'm from London privileged women girls I mean and that is fucking magic when do you feel the most vulnerable when I cry because I feel like I'm putting down the front everyone can see me yeah why do you feel the most beautiful not all photos but especially when my boyfriend takes pictures in there cuz it's me versus versus me we'll make up on pretending to be someone else yeah what do you believe in you believe in quite a lot nowadays I just push is lovely I believe that I'm definitely loved please out not alone Gigi I believe in happiness yeah why in your body is it a good place to be because I realize I just I can't be anyone else I might not love myself all the time but pray you pray all right that was great cool incredible Oh think that's a beautiful beautiful like message to give to a lot of people oh thanks really really really awesome and congratulations anything give you having

40 comments

  1. I didn't expect any of this. I recall seeing her pictures and immediately being drawn to her due to her beauty. I had no idea she's been through so much. Especially with her only being in her 20s. Glad to see that she made it through.

  2. i find her really interesting because on the outside she has a universal attractiveness or is really feminine, but on the inside she has a unique contrasting character, kind of masculine and modest…and I do not mean this negative at all! (I myself don't feel girly, I feel neutral but other people tell me I am really girly but on the inside I feel not like or boy or a girl just like a concsious being..so maybe I can relate to her a bit…I like that she doesn't have that typical stereotype feminine charakter but rather boyish..I find that cool and beautiful!

  3. The interviewer's matter of fact tone was annoying. Thank goodness there was some warmth by the end. Couldn't that warmth have been there throughout? And Adwoa, sounds like she's still in the healing process in a big way, but I guess helping others helps her with that. Still, I feel she needs more time to just be, just breathe, just love, herself.

  4. Her voice is iconic. Once you've heard her speak you will always remember it. I seen her on Vice years ago and never forgot her.

  5. She's the type of girl that I'd be drawn to! I'm that girl that wants to help other ppl especially when I see ppl doubt themselves or just have insecurities! I grew up loving everyone else and not knowing how to love myself, which is kind of hypocritical in a sort of way bc I had so many insecurities, but then again I knew that feeling so I hate seeing other ppl dealing with it! I'm pretty good at seeing the softer sides of ppl through their reactions and personalities, so anyone trying to portray themselves in any way to push ppl away, those are actually the ones I would be more interested in bc I could see why! I see ppl like her and all I wish so bad that I could just hug them and take them under my wing and show their asses that they are so damn beautiful and perfect!! When you have so much empathy for people struggling with finding love for themselves because you know how hard that is and how is the biggest mind battle to have, it's the scariest place to be! When you can't figure yourself out and how to love yourself, that reflects on every single relationship you have with everyone!!! This lady is absolutely stunning, and I love that she's shown her insecure side bc being able to open up to ppl and tell ppl your hardest times (which aren't mistakes bc those times are exactly what make you stronger), she just told everyone how absolutely BAD ASS she is!! I really hope she has gained self respect and love for herself after this bc she deserves it so much!!

  6. This was difficult to watch, she's been in so much pain. I hope her life gets better, she's extremely brave.

  7. I actually lover her like she was my first love she made me feel important by just sharing her story and starting girls talk I felt like someone cared

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