A Therapist Answers Questions You’re Too Afraid To Ask

– I’m Dr. Sam Rader. I’m a licensed clinical psychologist, and I’m going to be answering some of your mental health questions. (pleasant music) In my understanding,
personality isn’t something you’re necessarily born with. It’s something that gets shaped
through early experience. We learn what parts of us feel acceptable in our family system,
what parts of us feel unacceptable, and we adjust
all the parts of ourselves to shape into a personality
that’s gonna fit in our family system. And what I do as clinical psychologist, is I help my clients look
at their personality. For example, if someone’s really shy, we try to understand
what that’s really about, and see if we can find more confidence. (pleasant music) Clinically speaking,
something becomes a disorder when it starts really getting in the way of you being able to function as a person in relationships, at work. Then yeah, it might be some
kind of anxiety disorder, and you might wanna seek treatment. Otherwise, if you’re able to
have a fairly normal life, but big waves of anxiety
come now and then. All I can say is, join the club. It’s normal to have some anxiety sometime. It’s really great though,
to have some practices to know how to self soothe
when you have that anxiety. (upbeat music) I’m just gonna go with, no. How ’bout not talking about
my friends with my friends? You know how much better
if feels to not gossip? So yes, the sacredness of
protecting the confidentiality of my clients comes first. And I’m learning from that
how sacred it might be in my life outside of here to keep confidence in friendships. (pleasant music) When tears just spill out for seemingly no apparent reason, my best guess at why that’s happening is that maybe feelings have been held inside too often. When we go for days or weeks or months with not expressing
ourselves, not reaching out when we need help, not
getting enough hugs, sometimes we can fill up like a bucket, and when that emotion bucket
gets all the way to the top, the water is going to spill out. And that’s gonna spill out in
the form of tears sometimes, even when it makes no
sense why we’re crying. (pleasant music) There’s so much less of a
stigma around depression now. It’s probably safe to tell most employers if you’re suffering with it. Especially if that will
help them understand if things are changing a
little bit in your work style. There’s no shame in
asking for what you need, and ultimately your
employer, if they’re someone who’s a good business
person, will be really happy that they know what’s
going on, because then they can help support you in
continuing to do good work. (upbeat music) Well, whoever you are,
I adore you, and I agree with you completely. Touch is so healing. I have a lot of answers to this question. The first is that maybe even
massage is enough for you, who really knows how to
hit all those sweet spots. In terms of traditional
therapy, it’s often frowned upon to touch your clients. There is a style of therapy
that’s really wonderful, called Somatic Experiencing. In one of the types of
Somatic Experiencing, touch is used as part of the therapy. So Somatic Experiencing
is basically sitting, sensing into your body,
noticing what you feel where, and allowing the body to heal
itself; whether it’s trauma, or pain, emotionally or physically. (pleasant music) That question has a lot
going on inside of it. I have taken many, many
clients who swear up and down they have incurable depression, and we get them feeling better. If there’s a way to latch back on to life, there’s a way to come out of depression. But if you have a stubborn
depression, I encourage you to keep fighting for wellness. We’ve all been in those dark moments. It’s just a state of mind
because you are loved, you are cared about, and
that somebody wants to hear from you today if you’re
struggling with suicidal thoughts. (pleasant music) What people imagine is going on in therapy is that it’s gotta be very clinical. They’re my doctor, and I have to sort of, not tell them what I’m thinking
and feeling about them. Most of the work that I do with my clients is in the transference,
which is the relationship between myself and the client. So if a client came in
and said, hey, this isn’t working for me, I don’t like
the way you’re doing this, I would think, Yeah! Jackpot, we’re really gonna get somewhere. Because if we’re able to
talk about our relationship, what’s going on between us,
how it feels, what they like about what I’m doing,
what they don’t like about what I’m doing. This might be the beginning
of a really exciting time of growth with your therapist. So if all else fails,
and you’re really sure it’s not a match for you,
you can just let them know, and say, thanks for our time
together, I’m clear that you and I are not a match. I wish you all the best and this will be my last session today. I think it’s so cool
that we live in a time where people are becoming
more and more aware of mental health. There are countless self
help books out there, resources on the internet,
even apps that can help you with depression. Find ways to get back out into your life. Have real genuine experiences. Share your feelings. Laugh, dance, sing, cry. This is life. A lot of clients ask me if
it’s possible to change. And in my experience the
answer is absolutely, yes. (signal ding) (laughs) Ding! (upbeat music)

100 comments

  1. It's hard to hear from people that everyone has those dark days, like obviously everybody has some dark days, but not as dark as people with depression or suicidal thoughts because they really want to end their life and it's an illness. Like therapist should understand that, right? But they always say things like that – I mean, you would not tell a patient with a lung disease "everyone has those moments were they can't breathe".

  2. I just told the woman I wasn't coming back at the end of an appointment and then I didn't go back. Therapists are not magic or special. They are hired strangers who just sit there.

  3. This will probably get lost in the comments but please guys, go see a therapist. Don't wait until you have depression or anxiety. If you're wondering if you need a therapist, you probably need it and the best thing you can do is go with them. They will tell you with all honesty if you need it or not and if you needed it, you will have the best help possible and don't be ashamed of the fact that you're on therapy, see it as a chance to grow and improve your life.

  4. I want to know the answer to this but I can't never figure out is that "why does little things make me want to cry even if it from something I hate the most"

  5. When ever i feel depressed or feeling about to cry or scream. My boyfriend hugged me and cuddle which released all those negative feelings. In my opinion, hugs can help people from feeling depressed. Im not expert haha. But this is how I feel.

  6. I love talking to therapist what so ever because I am a crazy youth a 13 years old that is obcess with guns and love shooting at people or threaten them and I have a lot of problems (fighting with older siblings,touching guns pointing it at my head loading a clip) why ask me why I have a gun it is not mine it is my friend dad (FYI: IF I HAVE EVER SEE A GUN I HAVE NON-HESITATIONS AND IF I FOUND A GUN I KEEP IT) there is a lot of stuff I do not want to say (hint:😚 💨 geez,gas,green sticky nugget) if you know what I am saying. My dad found out that was I have been doing so my dad decided to move to another city because of me and my brother

  7. My friend has a psycologist and psychiatrist. Apparently they told him to think of himself as his past is toxic. He has given up his only 2 friends. He now only has his girlfriend in his life. I was one of his friends. He lives in uk.

  8. I have had severe depression my entire life and I'm always amazed at their ability to seem sweet, caring, and effective while charging people out the nose and not taking insurance unless you've become a danger to yourself or others. Beer is cheaper and more accessible by far.

  9. Im sorry but I just can't bring myself to believe depression and I hope people respect my own opinion. Its mostly because so many people lie about it just for attention like if you actually do go to a therapist but no one does so I guess they don't want to get better?!.!

  10. In the Netherlands, there are professional huggers. If you want the connection of touch, you could go to holland!

  11. I’m afraid to open up to my therapists after what happened last year. I had therapy when I was 16 I was depressed and suicidal. Few years later I was 21 when I decided to go to the therapist again for a completely different reason she wanted to talk about my past therapy issues and I’m almost certain she had my medical chart so I’m sure I couldn’t lie, I mentioned I was suicidal when I was 16 BUT I’m not anymore, like at all, that didn’t matter apparently. I was still held at the office had to wait for the ambulance and forced to go to the ER or be placed on a 51/50 and lets just say that does not look good on background checks especially if you want certain careers. The only thing that saved me from being placed in a clinic and 51/50 was my mom saying she’d take me in to live with her again she had to drive 3 hours to get me at the hospital.

  12. I remember when I was about 12 and I asked if I could see a different therapist I remember her getting upset and even offended. I was being nice about it I felt so guilty and then just stop going to therapy 6 years later and I now have a therapist that’s cool af and super understanding.

  13. my mom wants me to get a therapist but im too anxious to start talking to one and i dont know what to do because im at the point of knowing i really do need help

  14. My therapist told me I am a horrible human being. She pressured me into sleeping with her at my most vulnerable time. I broke away and now she is just blowing up my ph about everything wrong with me. I just want to kill myself knowing how worthless I am

  15. Is A a family friend?? Maybe if you like the English women and organized criminals he deals with. Not really. He is a jerk!!

  16. what if i’m just so “stubborn” and don’t want to be happy or feel like i don’t deserve it, and maybe feeling happy seems like something i just don’t get? dunno if some could answer that🤷🏼‍♀️

  17. I had my therapist work with me when I was changing from 1 psychiatrist to another & it really helped me. I made a video about it on my new You Tube channel and I made a video about it & welcome everyone to come watch it interested. I bid u all Peace.

  18. If I was consulting with a therapist with a voice as sexy as hers, my mind would be going the wrong places too often 😓

  19. I actually don't want to asume that i have problems i always tell myself this nothing, nothing is going on, i'm just overthinking, this is not something serious i force myself to not to have bad thoughts about me And don't feel bad about myself And before it was all the time day And night, out of nowhere i feel like i'm garbage that's worth nothing And start crying for a long time that my head hurts And it was worse when i went out, i didn't Even dare to look at people's eyes because i thought they would hate me i really don't wanted to go out i got too anxious And wanted to go back to my house fast And in fact as 2 years i did not leave my house, always locked up And Even when it was hot i wore winter clothes because i did not want anyone to notice me or notice my body i hated me so much i could not even look in the mirror And the most difficult, i never wanted to take a picture of myself in my life i was afraid to look at myself And be… Horrified but well, Even to today i convince myself that all that was nothing, that i don't have any problem at all. nothing wrong And that other people have it worse so… Like i Guess because i was young And weak everything went to my head And i did worse when maybe it was nothing… Yeah i did this to myself 😶

  20. What are these rich people jobs where telling your employer about a mental illness isn't going to get you sacked 🤪

  21. In Switzerland, most of the problems are covered by the obligatory insurance. Not all, but the seriouser ones like f.e depression are covered. And for the rest you can get an "add on" . (Don't now how thats called in english) (Zusatzversicherung)

  22. The "crying out of nowhere" sucks. Especially when it happens in school bc everyone will come and ask "what's wrong" "are you OK?" and "please answer" and you're just there like "yeah i'm fine, i just want to be alone for sec"

  23. Well I finally got a therapist cuz my teacher is worried about me but I'm to scared to say anything and I'm too shy for it

  24. Had the worst psychologist in the world , hope I never run into him might lose the last thread of my mind and take a machete to his tongue.

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