Addiction Recovery 2019 (Full Video) #OtaAuFilms

my name is Sierra from b2b South Florida I'm 40 years old I've been addicted to drugs and alcohol methamphetamine since one or the other since I was about 11 years old I've been clean and sober for four and a half years now I'm living back here on the reservation in the Deep South Dakota and taking my recovery into action in theory on the reservation and working on that with two other groups and within the community I've been in prison for probably about 19 years of my life federal prison for about 19 years of my life in and out of prison halfway houses so I just got out of prison on the lever of last year all my prison all all my stints in prison were caused from alcohol our meth related charges you know and violence but of course that was due to the use of alcohol due to the use of methamphetamines in this last stint in prison a federal prison is when I really started working on myself to get clean developing a clean and sober lifestyle through changing the way I think she changing my thoughts and attitudes and really focusing on my faith focus on pay programs and self-help programs positive thinking programs and just doing all these things to better my heart and soul and my mind so that my physical body can be cleaners over on the outside wall and all the health side of prison it's my alcohol my ELF uh started when I was a young kid just seeing other people do it seen in the household when I was a kid my dad was alcoholic seeing my sister's do it other fan friends you know growing up ground older friends on the reservation and seeing them do it so I just started drinking with them and I think I became an alcoholic by the time I was 13 14 years old drinking on the weekends and then when I was about 14 years old I was drinking they were almost every night they'd all be there you know at the same time and that all started when I was about 14 or 15 years old which caused me to get into a lot of fights you know a lot of violence and then I think running around with older people and they'd also using drinking I got into the gang stuff and my life from that point on you know drastically changed but I didn't really get into hard drugs tell us about 15 16 years old started doing cocaine off and on I guess what you call crank back then it wasn't meth but it was crank back then start doing that often out here you know but uh my meth addiction starter town I went to juvenile prison I was 17 and after I got a juvenile prison I lived in North Dakota for a while and when I was introduced to doing meth every day someone my mail my diction fight formats where I started you know slowly [Applause] first drinking all the time smoking weed next to that that's also when I started going on that person Hinkel back to those who's now Paul drugs on a pullback on violation but my hardcore use of methamphetamines crack cocaine heroin all started in federal prison when I was about 21 I started shooting them in the shoot of mass shooting coke – the heroin when I was a federal prison when I was 21 I was talked out of the prison in 2000 seven so when I got out of prison I basically got out with all these addictions and added addictions to my life and you're still involved in the game by the stuff and still still wanted that that lifestyle of drugs and alcohol and so when I got out of prison I got to the halfway house I continued to use drugs and continued to go back to prison not this man I did 2007 I did started working on myself started I went back to prison for violation started working on myself actually I caught a new case and went back into prison I started looking at my life seen that the things I was doing it was eating my soul to do drugs y'all ready to keep going in and out of prison keep harming my family keep leaving my family for something that wasn't lasted longer and in 2007 I began to get into my faith and started wanting to change who I was and I worked on that from 2007 to 2010 and got out of prison in 2010 and did good for a while Tao for a year out of Prisons sober and clean I was the first time I attempted to get sober and cleaner so I'm close to four years lived a good life you know I'm doing good my life was going well I was involved in church I wasn't wasn't involved in AI didn't take a a seriously at the time was involved helping other people and they had a family at working every day and these are things I didn't do as an adult because I was always in prison so they were all new and familiar to me but being new and familiar I did not handle a good life I didn't know how to accept the things I was doing and I guess for me it was I looked back on now I was institutionalized I was already in prison probably well over ten years now you know and I was institutionalized so I didn't know I loved paying the bills I loved working I love doing these things I love being sober and clean but there was something inside of me struggling to go back to go backwards in my life and I didn't understand it then and eventually I started taking the good life for granted how I don't need to go to church today or I don't need a you know fellowship with other people or I don't need to do these things I can just stay home and I slowly started to get vulnerable back into the world three ways and ended up drinking a beer then eventually I was drinking a six-pack every night and eventually I was shooting dope again six months later they had nothing I had I was back in jail I was you know Heat myself you know like you know I'm punishing myself for going backwards in my life I I was doing so good I couldn't believe how someone that was doing so good and God blessed with everything that was so good you know slip up and get their whole life taken away from him for that long backwards soul within my sin of my addiction I allowed myself to stay down and beat myself up one back to prison on a violation and continue to use drugs in prison there again after being clean and sober for those four years and it still went in and out of jail for three more years for three more years I went in and I jail and then I caught another case in 2014 and but the whole time I was on the street doing drugs I was worse than I ever was before because I was running from myself I was running from God I was disappointing myself and I knew everyone in the world is disappointing and I allowed that to beat me up by the same time I ran back into my repetition which my meth addiction got stronger and stronger and worse and when I was on the street before I caught this case of nothin my last case to go back to prison where my life really started transforming it was I was on the street running around you know committing violent acts doing drugs selling drugs and whatever it took to stay high and but I always told people that I felt soulless and in that solace I never looked past the day I was in I quit dreaming I could have seen I couldn't see any further into the future and that's what the meth addiction did to me it stole my soul and it was still in my sanity and it was still in my dreams of ever having any kind of life beyond what I was doing that day so although I went back to prison in 2014 the red were 2014 it saved my life I was able to reflect you know and get clean I was able to get clean again reflect on why I was there again and the things I was doing and that I wanted to be cleanest over and I had to no matter what I was doing a lot of the time I was gonna about to get I had to get clean and sober and find a way to stay clean and sober and as I started working on that prayer became a big part of my life Tom I looked back on what got me clean and sober for and I was prayer and that was changing the way I thought and changing my attitudes and the way I seen and viewed life and I realized that the first time I did it I don't I didn't do it fully I did give myself 100% I was doing it but I was still laying down at night and dreaming about the life like once lived I wanted a new life but still a part of me was still holding on to the old life and that part is what drove me all drove me back into it so easily when life got hard this time around I learned how to focus on getting those thought processes out of there and I learned how to change change the way I thought and my attitudes towards the lifestyle that I was living and I wanted to live and I took looked at my prison sentence I ended up getting five-year prison sentence and did four years of that prison sentence end up looking and looking at my my time in county jail and the boiler in prison as a treatment instead of a sentence instead of a punishment looking at something that was a blessing from God to help me recover again and help me get my mind clean how we get my my soul clean and by viewing it that way I was able to work on myself on every day instead of doing nothing with my time I was able to do something with my time and that was to change my life around again and not look back but look forward and take every day as as a blessing and opportunity to learn as opportunity to get better and I thought for you to grow and overcome my past and it took me took him three years of this last sentence that I did to full you know working on it every day thought process you know math is a strong addiction to where you lay down at night and that's all you think about wake up in the morning I saw you think about every free time that you get that's all you think about now you know I mean doing that we live in the lifestyle myth looking back I should have done this I should have done that within my addiction and just entertaining the thoughts of really high and hustling and you know all these things and that's what I believe probably 90% if not all people that are addicted to meth or any kind of hard drugs or even alcohol do they do well on their addiction and if you dwell on your addiction and you're trying to get clean this over that's what you're going to go back to so easily when you know when you're thinking when times get hard in your recovery is that you go backwards and because you're still thinking about it so for me in this last time really working hard through prayer through you know self you know meditation and using my prison settings as a treatment instead of a prison sentence I was able to get the things out of my mind as in when they do pop up I was able to discard them right away and not not let them manifest and grow entertain them and I took me about three years to really do to really get control of that and it's been a blessing since from doing that I was able to grow and learn from my past looking back where I went wrong because I was cleaning us over for a while there and learned that I've seen that where I was got vulnerable scene where I took a life for granted and those are the things that I focus on today is not taking life for granted taking everyday everything in my life as a blessing and not taking it for granted I think that's very important for my recovery and for anybody else's recovery is to not take what we have you know if we have a roof over our head that's a blessing if we you know if we have food eat that's a blessing and sometimes just being alive and waking up that's a blessing an opportunity to start over and better do something today that we did yesterday and that's where I'm focused at today I've been out since November of 2018 and that's what I'm focused on today is my recovery looking you know looking back and seeing where I went wrong and then and today doing the things that I dreamed about doing while I was in prison my passion is to help people are passionate because these are the things that helped me and giving back to my community but I took so much from my community now I want to give back to my community and that has no matter what I do if I have to shovel snow or anybody are now that if summer if I have to mow lawns or you know giving back you know to be used to the elderly to my family first and foremost is where my giving back starts with my with my family at home and that's what I'm focused on today that's what helps me in my recovery and I've learned while I was in prison that recovery takes action and that's where my main part is you know today that's where my heart and passion is to take action in my community and hopefully to teach others that sobriety staying clean this over it takes action you know it's hard to just stay home and be sober and clean and we do nothing because enough's a little thought matter start to come back and start to take over here's not life and start to you know grow and start to manifest and entertain those things and then you slowly start going backwards so for me to be active in my sobriety I'm here to be within my community trying to give back and that's whatever I can do put myself out there introducing myself to people who are running programs within the community do things I've never done before and that's what I'm doing today's things I've never done before entertaining sober life I'm living the best life I ever lived it's only been I've been clean sober four and a half years and I've only been doing this on here back home and interview for since for the last month and a half not before that I was in Rapid City in a halfway house but even though it's short lived its it's I'm doing everything that I've wanted to do while I was imprisoned telling myself when I get home these are things I need to do these are things like step 4 to do and I'm doing them slowly but surely I'm doing a man I'm not struggling in my sobriety today but I keep myself sober and clean and keep myself from struggling in that by taking action in my sobriety taking parts in a today I go to a today I search activities I take part in sobriety groups and taking part in the boxing club taking part in that and introducing my family into it and hopefully you know their friends and other people that know me will come forward and get involved in it because it's a powerful things and inspiring thing to see the youth you know doing good things I'd rather have the youth here in the boxing club for a couple hours of their night you know then on the street and on to that to me that's inspiring being a part of cleaning up the community picking up trash and the community that's inspiring to me and allowing people to see that and hopefully other people will step forward to do the same thing and see that sobriety it isn't just a boring activity on something because it is hard it's hard on the reservation for people to get clean and sober and stake things over I've just I talk to people all the time that I want I want what you have how do I do it you know and it's for me I had to get away for four years to really get you know to get where I am today and I'm trying to learn as I'm trying to help people learning to help people as well there's so many people in our communities and reservations that want to get credence overstate things over and they don't they don't know how to do it and they don't know where to go and so that's what I'm trying to teach myself to programs and to stepping forward to learn these things myself so I can put it out there into our communities just help these people [Applause]


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