Borderline Personality Disorder is BAD? therapist kati morton talking BPD, psychology & therapy

– Hey everybody, today I want to talk with you about borderline
personality disorder. I’ve done some other videos on those, I’ll link a few of those here and put them in the description. But the main question that I
want to talk with you today because I’ve heard from a lot of you, and there’s a lot of
kind of misinformation and hateful videos
going up on the internet about borderline personality disorder, which I’ll call BPD from now on because that is a mouthful. And so, I want to just sort
of set the record straight because a lot of you have asked, does being diagnosed with
BPD make me a bad person? And I don’t want any of
you to feel that way, and I really hate that
that’s even out there. And so I’m here to talk
about it in a real way. Now, does having BPD make me a bad person? The short answer, if we were
like, end the video now? No. It doesn’t make you a bad person. The thing about BPD, and I
think the misunderstanding from a lot of professionals, right, because people can be professionals, have their own opinions, and not everybody’s great at their jobs, and not everybody works
with BPD patients like I do. So, with that being said, I believe, it’s my belief, that BPD is often caused by trauma or lack of attachment when we were young. I say that that is
usually the cause of BPD because that’s been my experience. That’s been the experience that I’ve heard from a lot of you. That’s been the experience that I’ve heard from a lot of my clients. And the reason that I
think that affects us, and winds up in the end creating BDP, is because if we don’t
have a secure attachment to a primary caregiver, like a mom, a dad, a grandma, whoever is there
when we cry when we’re little, we know that we’re gonna get fed, we’re gonna get diaper changed,
we’re gonna get soothed… If we don’t have that
attachment when we’re young, then we spend our whole lives
trying to fulfill that need and to heal that attachment. And that can lead us
to fear of abandonment, wanting people close but not trusting it, not feeling good, then feeling good, and we can have that kind
of BPD-like symptomatology. Does that make sense? That’s how I view it. Now, the other part is trauma. Now, a lot of my clients
that have BPD-like symptoms, or are diagnosed with
BPD, have PTSD or C-PTSD, had a trauma in their life, or chronic trauma in their life. And I have videos about that too, I have videos about everything. Make sure you subscribe. Hello. But a lot of them have
had trauma in the past. And they’ve described
BPD to a lot of people as emotional burn victims. We’re very sensitive, we feel
everything really intensely. Now if we’ve had a really traumatic past, especially if we’ve had a chronic trauma, it would make sense that we
would be a little sensitive. We might be on edge. Things are intense. Things make us really nervous. There are a lot of triggers,
a lot of flashbacks. A lot of things going on
that make it really difficult to be present and to just feel emotions without being scared of them. With all of that being said, would you think that maybe
having a trauma in your past, maybe having an emotionally
absent caregiver, would make you a bad person? The answer is no, it doesn’t
make you a bad person. That just means that you’re going to have a certain set of symptoms as an adult that you may have to work a
little harder to get through, to process through, to feel okay, to build healthy relationships. Is it impossible? No. Is it difficult? Yeah. But life is difficult. We all have things to overcome. And trust me, working on BPD, actually, I’m right next to my bookcase. This workbook is amazing, and if you wanna put in the time to do DBT therapy, it
can change your life. I know it’s hard, I
know it’s a lot of work, but it really helps. And the last thing I want to talk about, is how much self-hatred and
self deprecating comments, those of us with BPD give to ourselves. That’s one of the most
common symptoms that I see, is that everything that we’ve felt, everything that we’re going through, everything that we think about, means that we’re bad. It’s bad, I’m bad, I’m completely bad. That is a firmly held belief where a lot of these symptoms come out of. And so at the very least, if
this workbook is too much, if you don’t have the
money to see a therapist, I would start taking
note of those thoughts. You know how I talk in
that video with Hannah, about thought-dropping and arguing back against those negative thoughts, and doing that every day, that will help. We have to argue against
that “I’m bad” belief, that the BPD has created in
us, and we can fight back. And that will help a lot of the symptoms, because that kind of
push pull that we feel in relationships, like,
ah, don’t leave me, go away, I don’t trust
you, can’t get too close, this is all too much for me… That will stop or slow
down when we don’t feel like we are such a bad
person, and we’re so deserving of unhealthy, tumultuous relationships. And so I would encourage you, if you find yourself
struggling with symptomatology like BPD, and like I said
all my videos to that will be in the description, and I’ve linked them throughout the video, but if that’s something
you’re struggling with, if you can’t reach out for help, at least grab this workbook or start talking back to
that negative self talk. Because, in my experience, that’s really what ends
up holding us back. And I hope this gives you a little hope. I know there’s a lot of
negative information out there about borderline personality disorder, and I’m just here to tell
them to shut the hell up because I think it’s all a lie, and we all deserve the
right to get better. We all deserve to have a
happy and healthy life, and there’s nothing stopping you. And if you liked this kind of content, and want to support our community and support this channel, please click here and hop over to my Patreon account. It’s a great way for me
to keep doing what I do, and keep helping each
and every one of you. Now the other part is the trauma. A lot of my clients have CPS…


  1. Actions define a person. If you lie, cheat, steal, refuse to get help, blame others, have no empathy, cannot relate to people then yes….you are a bad person. Lot of child molesters have had bad childhoods or trauma, they don't catch a break for being child molesters. Lots of people have had trama and don't grow up to lie, cheat, steal, abuse etc…..A person is defined not by where they come from or what they come from but how they act toward others. I feel for people with this disorder, but it is not an excuse for anti social behavior EVER. I have dated several BPD women and while I found most to be very intelligent, they are little more than grown children emotionally. They seem to lack the ability to admit or learn from mistakes…..they do the same thing over and over…..lie, act up, hide, run, deflect accountability, rinse and repeat. I do have sympathy but Im sorry, if you hurt someone on accident or on purpose the result is the same and sadly so are the consequences. BPD person in my experience are experts at avoiding consequences for long periods of time, but when they catch up….sadly it can be devastating. If you have BPD get help, DBT workbooks are a great start….you can overcome it. But don't blame people for stigmatizing you when you abuse them. Peace and Harmony!

  2. Knowing someone with this when you don’t have it is exhausting because they put a negetive spin on absolutely everything you say and can’t have a normal fight about something small and stupid without turning it into a HUGE emotional end of the world thing. When you tell them what bothers you, they ignore you and don’t really listen. That’s just my experience though.

  3. Thank you so so so much. So many hateful terrible videos that you get sucked into and start to believe it. I needed this. I was just diagnosed with bpd and ptsd a week ago, and I wasn’t expecting to see such mean videos. ❤️ I love your videos. Thank you 🙏

  4. I have BPD (quiet & petulant), as well as Major Depression Disorder, and also Generalized Anxiety Disorder to some extent. The question "Am I a bad/evil person" runs through my mind often, i never meant to hurt anyone. Have you ever hated yourself so much you wished to destroy yourself and become an entirely different person? Does hearing an inner voice tell me thoughts I didn't consciously make mean I'm crazy? I answer it, sometimes it answers back. It makes me feel like I'm not alone, I know him as "The Nameless One".

  5. You're so right. I would even be more specific and say that it is an erratic attachment. A mom who is sometimes good and often horrible. So the child never knows what to expect next. So to prevent hurt and disappointment we expect the worst all the time. I have severe childhood trauma, a 10 out of 10 on the test, and sometimes I am shocked at how well I've managed to overcome. But I still have things that threaten my relationships and that I work on daily. Hang in there people. You can get better. You're not a bad person.

  6. my first wife was diagnosed with BPD – believe me – she was a very bad person. There are such things in this life as Good and Evil. Stop with all the new age touchy feeling crap. There are truly BAD people in the world. Denying this fact is counter productive. It's about the same thing as calling "trans" people by the authentically, scientifically, naturally incorrect pronouns. Which is to say that deliberately mis-identifying the problem is NOT an act of kindness. Quite the opposite. Not to say that BPD can't be managed like all other types of psychoses and neuroses – it can. But it's extremely difficult to keep someone with BPD on their meds and in treatment. Which brings me back to my original assertion – some people are simply bad. Somehow, somewhere along the way society lost its taste for the concept of punishment for bad behavior. The fact is that the vast majority of bad actors are very much aware that their behavior is bad and more often than not illegal. Let there be very real and consistent negative consequences (aka punishment) for bad behaviors coupled with all the various treatments for the disorders – let those who would abuse, mistreat, threaten, harm others suffer for their actions…it would go a very long way toward a more orderly and safer society.

  7. But. I only had one trauma and I have awesome parents. Yeah dad left when I was 7 but I still saw him on some weekends. I was just born with extreme anxiety. So so so much anxiety. But I have BPD bad rn? I feel invalid. I always have that feeling that my trauma isn’t bad enough for me to have BPD. Where did I go wrong?

  8. BPD have a large amount of various symptoms and not only PTSD. Some people are struggling with trauma but have a sense of empathy especially when they're in a safe environnement. Maybe the image of the "bad" BPD people is coming from just a segment of people, and not all BDPs. And it is possible that some people are diagnosed with BPD when they are not.

  9. But what about when people think you're a robot or don't have feelings? When smiling is something foreign for people around you to see? When nothing matters, when I have no desires. Maybe a friend i can hang out with, but I know I would never do that. And it'd be hard to find anyone that would to start with.

  10. Thanks for trying to end the stigma against BPD and mental health in general. BPD's get a bad rap bc of a few isolated episodes that get blown up or not the whole story was told. Angry ex girlfriendsboyfriends use mental illness as an excuse for them not to take any responsibility for any wrongdoing in the relationship. What they don't realizeor do, is that these people are usually triggering us and then not listening to us when we say that they're triggering us. Grr That makes things really hard to deal with. Really hard to deal with. It intensifies that fear, uncertainty (it's like we're fighting ourselves in our brain. our brains are very contradicting. some say you can't have it both ways but in a BPD reality we can. It's like an angel and Devil sitting on opposite shoulders, each a different personality although the same within you) and it proves(to ourselves) that we have every right to not trust because of what they're doing to us… After time it also teaches us that this is just the way life is and that something must really be wrong with us in our heart & soul. Because an angry or narcissistic person continues to tell us that andor treats you like you don't deserve even the littlest amount of basic human respect. which in turn, can cause us to totally shut down or get a little wild or both on and off, especially if you were to have bipolar or PTSD along with this. It enables the destructive behavior, intense emotions, impulsiveness, intrusive thoughts, fears (trauma, confrontation, abandonment and even love and the thought of true happiness). If they could see that we're going through this because of trauma in the first place or have some empathy and try to understand, it would be so much easier on so many different people. us with the illness and the people around us. We want to work through it, with you. We are good people, we can talk, be insightful, have intelligent conversations, loving, compassionate nurturing. We're so many things, just like "normal" people, we just feel those feelings a lot stronger. We're not crazy, we just feel everything intensely. Imagine a little child crying because he lost his mother in the store, imagine how scared he is, lost alone, panicking, uncertainty…up that level of emotions times 100,000,000 and that's where a BPD persons emotions hang out. if we find ourselves in a situation where we are being hurt, we relate that pain to all the pain we felt our entire lives, through all that trauma and abuse. Every single traumatizing episode we've ever had in our lives will come flooding in, in any negative situation. especially directed at us personally. That's why it seems, to you.. that we're overreacting for the situation. Sometimes we know this but the problem is these people aren't understanding the pain we're feeling.. psychological, emotional and physical pain and that it's real and that it's not made up or over-exaggerated in anyway. We all love you! Thanks for your hard work and dedication to your followers. God bless you and your family Kati ❤️ 💋

    To all narcissist…
    Stay the hell away from US borderline's! We don't need that bullshit and a narcissist can break us totally. Some borderlines have narcissistic traits, yes. BUT I think that comes with time, being around people that are going to continue to hurt them and not getting treatment for the borderline personality disorder. however we could also develop more mental illnesses trying to deal with a narcissist. For whatever reason borderlines are drawn to narcissist. so if we say we're borderline don't be with us!! do us and yourself a favor! We're aren't able to make that choice because narcissist aren't forward about being a narcissist. The signs aren't always clear, especially in the beginning. I mean, I clearly don't mean any disrespect. after all narcissism is a mental illness, when a certain# of symptoms are present.(technically we all coulddo display some narcissistic traits) I'm not one to bash one or the other, or try not to when it comes to a mental illness. I just know for a fact that borderlines and narcissists are a huge no-no No-go for me, all borderlines should have this boundaries set in stone and enforce as strict as you can or as soon as you can. Them narcissists are sneaky little tards 😉

    The majority of borderline's have borderline personality disorder because of some sort of trauma throughout their lives, this isn't always the case. I'm just asking for you to be kind, patient, understanding, compassionate and try to empathize but mainly be patient with us. especially for the ones who are in therapy, that know we have a problem, that know we need to work on ourselves and it shows that we are willing to work to better ourselves. we deserve so much better, we all do.We're having these issues because of trauma so please don't cause any more. if you feel there's going to be a lot of drama the best thing to do especially if it's early in the relationship just leave. I have BPD coming from me, this is the best thing to do. don't stick it out because if you're not willing to put in the work along with us and figure out ways to help, a person with BPD will not be able to miraculously make everything okay.
    I've also read recently that one out of 10 person that has BPD will successfully commit suicide
    so seriously don't mess with us if you don't have the patience for us.

    Let's start now making this world a better place by lending each other a hand, whether it be a physical, psychological, emotional, verbal,(possibly sexual, lol) hand, at least it's a hand and it's a start.

    Oh dang sry guy's. Oops I did it again 😜😂 I don't know how to write short comments on things I'm passionate about. Also can some of you that don't understand and want to believe the bad hype about BPD or mental illnesses in general..can you please stop grouping us all together, like we're all the same person. I mean if you think about it, that's kinda silly. Say your grouping all Humans into one group and then meet one of those humans and have it be a bad person, now does that mean all people are bad, just because that one or few are? no it doesn't! Just like skin color, mental illnesses and addictions… just because there's a few bad eggs in those specific groups doesn't mean they're all bad. there's different types of borderlines and then for borderlines that are in therapy we're going to go through different phases of our recovery which will display different symptoms of a different intensity. for those that aren't getting therapy(they deserve respect too, and a nudge to get help) those are the ones more likely to be raging, violently destructive(against themselves, things or other people. Usually in that order) but they usually have to be put in a really bad, compromising situation for it to get out of control. If that happens a borderline needs to be hospitalized. There isn't going to be one person exactly the same as another, no matter what conditions they're diagnosed with.

    Thanks I'm done. Sry for the long rant.

  11. I was diagnosed once in the hospital as bpd but psychiatrists never diagnosed me as bpd and I know I have it I've known for years but been too ashamed. Thing is I didn't have neglectful parents. Never abused closest thing to trauma for me was being bullied from 6th grade till I graduated hs. Is it possible bullying can cause bpd? Its like I have no reason on top of everything else.

  12. If you are the victim of someone with BPD there is a book that will save your life called
    “Say goodbye to crazy” thank me later

  13. The question is not wether a person with BPD is a bad person. Being bad or acting bad are two different things. The only psychiatric disorder that makes a person bad is Narcistic disorder. Narcisists cannot repent. Most people with BPD can repent.

  14. Very true, BPD doesn’t mean the person is bad or evil. My mother has both Narcissistic Personality Disorder and BPD. She is incredibly abusive (because of the narcissism, but throw in the BPD stuff for good measure and it was crazy-making for me). She controlled my entire life until I was 43 years old. By that I mean I was kept completely isolated (I’m disabled which helped her a lot) and abused in every way possible. I’m an empath and I became the “identified patient” for my entire family. I was nearly diagnosed with BPD (but I actually have CPTSD). I went through a few rounds of DBT. I think it can be very valuable, and skills that everyone should be taught right from childhood. However I was labeled as “resistant”. Why? Because I couldn’t do the homework. My ONLY social contact was my mother and it put my life at risk to try to use those skills with her. They never bothered to look at WHY I couldn’t do the homework. Fast forward 20+ years: I’ve been No Contact with my toxic mother and sister for over 2.5 years, and it was the BEST decision I ever made, even though it was scary and painful as hell. The other thing though is that I’ve been working with an outstanding therapist and she has been trained in a new type of therapy that is designed SPECIFICALLY for people with severe and complex trauma. It’s very interesting and I’ve been seeing results in terms of true healing from very, very deep wounds. I believe my therapist will begin helping other therapists get trained in this, as she says “therapists are starving for this”. It’s called DNMS, short for “Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy”, and it’s created by a woman named Shirley Jean Schmidt. Here’s a link to a slideshow overview of how this works. It’s about 24 minutes long and totally worth it. Fair warning, when I originally watched this I was sobbing, so keep the Kleenex nearby!

  15. My mother has BPD and the only 'solution' or 'cure' has been to cut all contact. I am afraid that her sh*tty parenting has made me BPD as well.

  16. Being a victim of someone who was abused by someone with bpd has given me a negative relation to this disorder but as I heal more and more, I am beginning to be more empathetic to that person with bpd. I am not longer in contact with that person. They arent working on their disorder. They are in complete denial over it and therefore have harmed so many people verbally and this person experiences issues with friendships. I actually feel empathy. I am working on forgiveness and empathy, its hard but the more I do, the better of a healed person I have become.

  17. There is another solution. Just don't get involved with people on any sort of deep or lasting level. We can get through life happily enough without close human relationships. People have done it forever. It's a lot easier than cleaning up the mess we make when someone gets too close. It's especially easy when we get older and people stop looking at us like a prospective mate – when they stop intruding on your life. Get a cat. Take up a solitary hobby and start having your groceries delivered. There's just one rule – never get personal. Embrace the invisibility. It's really a superpower.

  18. Thank you for this video. I just got diagnosed last week after wondering about it and having cptsd from lifelong trauma. It's been heavy with me, feels hopeless, and like I'm not worthy of my job as a teacher or of a healthy relationship because I'll scare people away. I think that's the big thing I've always felt about severe mental illness from such a developmental age: that reality I deal with and live with every day is something people don't want to be exposed to or be around, so they are scared away, and I feel worse. It's tough. This video is so validating and I'm grateful for it.

  19. I don't think people with mental disorders are bad. However, after being with someone with undiagnosed BPD for several years, I can say that in my experience, they lash out at all those around them. She was the architect of her own misery and still is. I left her because she emotionally manipulated, bullied, and physically attacked me several times. After I left, SHE played the victim and twisted everything around to say that I somehow deserved it all and that I abandoned her. I heard someone say… Children get abandoned, adults get LEFT. Now we have a child together and she is purposefully keeping him from me and using him as a pawn in her desire to control me. She has made it clear that she will continue to punish me for leaving her using our baby as a weapon, and is completely unapologetic for it. Her primary concern seems to be vengeance for me leaving her. Yet she refuses to take any responsibility for why I left. This entire situation has made me feel literally insane. When you have been abused and your abuser is claiming abuse or that you somehow deserved it, there are no words for how crazy that can make you feel. There are no excuses for this kind of behaviour. I don't care if you were raised next to Chernobyl, if you fuck with people emotionally or physically, that's on you, not the disorder.

  20. man I was just diagnosed with BPD and its weird that reading other peoples comments comforts me. I've been really discouraged though, because atm I can't get this DBT therapy or trauma therpy they recommend. but maybe what she said will work for now. And honestly when I first researched how to help BPD symptoms everything I read made it seem like there was no hope… whats up with that…

  21. Oh boy… I wonder if you have a video for people who had a relationship with a borderline person and ended up traumatized, scared, and scarred? They can be very intense people

  22. I don't feel like a bad person but my BPD does make me feel like I am a burden. Like I am too much to put on someone or to deal with for anybody. Does anybody else feel this way? Like they would be a bad person if they chose to place themselves in someones life?

  23. but i can't feel that I'm a good…. i do everything bad for other and me…. i hate the people who love me…. i like someone who destroyed me…. i thing I'm just a negative side…. I'm sorry maam….

  24. Apart from BPD-Sufferers obviously deserving treatment and respect as people in their own right, lets not forget that this doesnt mean that they are not responsible for their actions.

    Yes BPD-Patients suffer, but they can also in turn make people suffer tremendously and saying that every bad facet about BPD that is discussed online is a lie is neither scientific, nor helpful, nor a well informed opinion.

    This doesnt mean that you are a bad person if you have BPD. This also doesnt mean that you have to be manipulative and ‘bad’ if you have it.
    But writing off a lot of possible core symptoms that hurt the environment of BPD-Sufferers such as manipulative tendencies and the black-and-white emotional dysregulation as stigma doesnt help you or the other people affected by it.

    Dont get too supportive of a mental illness. Be supportive of the people behind the illness.

  25. Kati, love your videos! I have a question about BPD- is it more common in people who had moved to another country as a child? I have noticed here and there that a few people I met who had bpd had experienced major culture shock while growing up. Which makes sense as it could be considered traumatic and make someone feel out of control and anxious.

  26. BPD doesn't make you bad. Like every mental illness. People with BPD, bipolar, depression etc. can manipulate, abuse and even kill (had a "Deadly Women" marathon recently lol). People with various mental illness, not just BPD can do bad stuff, just like people without mental illness. As someone with BPD, I can say I handle it quite well. I don't manipulate anyone or lash out (lashing out happens very rarely) because I'm aware that's wrong. I know that my feelings are the result of abuse that went on for years and are not realistic most of the time. It hurts and I sometimes feel really manic, but if you are able to get yourself under control and know the difference between right and wrong, you can get through it. I know another borderline and she also handles it quite well.

  27. Thank you so much for «humanizing» our diagnosis. Your video helps both me and others to further and actually understand what it is all about

  28. You did not address the genetic component of BPD? Do you not think that this plays a role in the development of BPD? If not, why do you believe this?

  29. Can you do a video talking about social isolation? I have PTSD and no therapist and I'd like to understand why I isolate and can't make friends. What does this mean for my future?

  30. I think I'm really ugly but I'm happy in my life actually. DBT is helping me have more control in my life. It's weird, I agree I think I'm very smart but wish my physical looks were improved.

  31. Any mental health condition doesn’t make you a bad person, your choices, attitude and behaviour towards others is what characterises you. Thank you for the kind words, as a BPD & PTSD sufferer I have felt we end up getting stigmatised because of our illness, not for the person we are ❤️

  32. my ex wife was suspected of having bpd. My mother has been diagnosed with bpd. My mom never accepted it and she raped me, her son. I was figuring out that my ex wife had it and she divorced me when I wanted her to be treated. I wanted to stay in the marriage and help her overcome it and stop abusing me. Neither accepted it or sought help for it. I really wish people would get treated. It hurts a lot of people when people don't get treated.

  33. there is basically no use in BPD people to tell themself that they r bad. really, there isn't. but there is plently of use in telling people who r dealing with any cluster B personality disorder in a relationship, that they need to get the fuck out. u can't help this people while being in a relationship with them.

  34. I came here from Shane's video and in 3 days I've watched all your videos on Bpd and because of you I've been able to work better on myself. I dont think you realize the impact you make ..but you've helped me to better bond with my 2 year old . So thank you. Really , thank you.

  35. Thank you! Truly teary-eyed. Recently I’ve realized my decade long depression has been so difficult to address bc I have BPD symptomology if not full-blown BPD (awaiting clinician confirmation). All of this resonates. And DBT did help years ago when I was at hospital but didn’t realize regular therapists would offer DBT outside of group programs.

  36. I think I have bpd for a while now but I don’t want to self diagnose myself so I’m going to a psychiatrist to get a overall mental health assessment. I grew up without a dad but my mom was so loving to me. I think I just always wanted a father figure in my life and it never got filled. I was also bullied when I was younger

  37. I agree so much with your comments but we still have to live in a world where we are not accepted in fact some people have been violent towards me because of my BPD.
    I do not know of any groups or support for we sufferers, and I have been looking for over 40yrs.

  38. most borderlines aren't proud of having bpd. It's not an 'excuse' because it's real, it happens. People with this illness are overwhelmed with emotions, everything they do is derived from powerful feelings, not rationality. A lot of Borderlines, including myself, are highly empathetic and kind People, who try to please everyone around them, try to feel the connections between friends-the same kind of bond with a parent. They are strongly dependant and loving, which is what creates anger and mood swings around friendships and families, because they simply care too much, or more than an unaffected person.

  39. The word "hate" is often used these days for information that we don't like. I'm concerned that folks will work hard to get such content "de-platformed" because they don't like it. Paul Elams work or advise to men regarding how to spot women with this illness is a case and point. He can be rather blunt, but he's trying to educate guys who are often blinded by appearances with women. It's not "hate" to avoid danger in your life? Alcoholic s are not "bad" people but you would never advise someone to get into a car with one after a night on the town. Why is it "hateful" to avoiding getting into a relationship with a women who has this? I'm not saying to be rude or anything… But Guys… Know the signs, understand these folks and do not pursue. No amount of "white knighting" will fix this. If you do… You will lose everything. I've seen it many times.

  40. I struggle with buying into stigma around BPD because I was really serverly abused by someone who has the disorder… And I've always justified the abuse as "just her illness"….. But I found out one of my friends has the disorder and she's really working so hard and conquering it and I love and respect her…. But I don't know how to feel 😖

  41. No they’re kinda lost all the time.

    They fall in love really easily and fear getting hurt to the point that they fear attachment all together. It’s kind of like having a heart made of glass. It’s like trusting someone so much that you don’t even trust yourself.

    It’s like being so gullible that you can’t trust anyone at all or anything you think.

    I love them. They are the sweetest people on earth!
    Stay strong!!!

  42. is it normal to think I have BPD because i meet five criteria and because i received an excess of overprotection, coddling and attachment from my parents as a young child so im used to that level of attachment from other people and fear when I dont receive it? because my situation is sorta the exact opposite of what Kati is talking about here with lack of attachment i had TOO MUCH attachment. But now I am much less attached to my parents but perhaps some part of me still craves the overwhelming smothering attention from when I was little. Since like this year in September I've been experience BPD symptoms but mainly with one specific person.

  43. I’ve been with my partner for 10 months, he is the sweetest guy I have ever met but I’m horrible to him and I don’t know why and I don’t know how to stop, he keeps telling me it’s ok and that it’s not my fault but of course it’s my fault 😞 I do believe he’s too good for me and I’m possibly pushing him away knowing he could find someone a lot better. I wish I could just allow myself to be happy

  44. Thank you so much for your work and your videos, you really help cause we feel like you are really reaching out to us. You're a beautiful person *

  45. In my clinical experience, early trauma, including poor parental or primary caregiver attachment styles, inform the overwhelming majority of BPD cases. Moreover, the brains of infants are not scanned as a routine matter of course, and so findings of anomalies within the brains of adults suffering with BPD / emotional dysregulation cannot be relied upon as indicative of an inherent, biological predisposition to the disorder. We know that our brains develop in many ways, including reactionary ways to early trauma, poor attachment styles and other invalidating environmental factors prevalent throughout early childhood and adolescence.

  46. Hardest thing is that I can’t tell people, more cause I feel like they won’t understand or care more than me being ashamed of it. It’s also hard because I never know who to trust, not even family members I’ve known my whole life. I’ve told my sister and she thinks I’m making it up, probably cause i told her I had ptsd a couple years back. She doesn’t realize I can have both but she doesn’t care to research it either.
    I wish I could tell my ex that I’m not crazy, I just didn’t know it back then, but even if he would talk to me, my bpd wouldn’t mean anything to him. It’s not that I want to be with him again, it’s just painful having people think that about me. And some of them hate for it, they think I choose to act childish when really I don’t realize I’m not acting like myself till after the damage is done.

  47. Katie, in you video called "BPD vs CPTSD" you said that these two are different in a major way because CPTDS requires a traumatic event to be diagnosed and BPD does not. Here you mentioned that trauma might be the cause of BPD, so does it make it a trauma-caused CPTSD-like borderline syndrome that just grows in a different way than PTSD into a personality disorder? Personality disorders are pervasive and hard to treat. People just can't change their personality. But maybe there is an area of crossing from CPTSD into BPD that can save us, make us more responsive to treatment? Please share your thoughts on this, Thanks!

  48. You’re dope! The EXACT train of thought/reasoning I had when thinking about why people unfairly – and also quite readily – attach “manipulation” to people with BPD. Like COME ON professionals! Use some empathy and logic!

  49. Thank you so much! I love to hear this. There is so much more than only the difficult things. Yes, sometimes it can be really hard, but people without bpd are going trough the same sometimes. People with Bpd have to climb a higher mountain, but they will get there! 🙂

  50. You seem a bit manic lol but thank you very much, I do trust your credentials. Well brought around… all very true and validating. My therapist just found my bpd after 8 weeks in treatment for alcohol. I can hide it exceptionally, over all the years back to the alcoholic abusive parent. Sharp explaination, of course we don't have these connections, and act out in many of these ways frequently. No fault. DBT is what I just started last week. Seems too fast like another flip, but sustained. It has fairly quickly helped me start to squash the emotional flood I found paralyzing. The goal is to level and not die from alcohol! Being aware of a problem is great, being aware of the source is superior?

  51. I was with the most incredible woman for three years, went to a therapist 150 times during this relationship trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t please this person and she kept breaking up with me and getting back together. There is no question now I have lost her for good, I switched counselors and finally figured out after all this time that I have BPD. I’m very angry that I didn’t know earlier, because this person meant the world to me.

  52. Till this day I don't know if I have BPD
    I think I have, but I don't want to self diagnosed
    What sucks is that I'm a teen, and I can't go see a therapist.
    So for now, I'm just living like this huge mess.

  53. I don’t know about bad but after being in a long term relationship with a high functioning BPD I can testify that they can be extremely mean and hurtful.

  54. Every single characteristic of BPD can easily fit into a dual diagnosis of bipolar disorder & adhd. You can have both. Adhd also has a highly unstable emotional aspect to it (limbic system).

  55. I know this is a old video but i hope you get this question. What are you dignosed with? Are you bipolar, bpd, ptsd, etc cause you keep saying "we". Just curious! Much love. Vendetta

  56. Alright but that mentality of BPDs has to come from somewhere?
    Even therapists are taught to avoid us and being abused doesn't give people the right to abuse others.
    There's a lot of stuff online because it's true. Most borderlines are fucking horrible and don't want change, just sympathy.

  57. Kati, you, say "us" "we" a lot when talking about BPD (i could just be personalizing and only noticing it) but do you have it?

  58. I have no idea how to manipulate people. Everyone says I do it all the time or I “take advantage”. What!?!? Needless to say it’s not intentional.

  59. This channel called "An ear for men" demonizes women with BPD! Which is completely wrong! It is an emotional dysregulation disorder and it is a spectrum Disorder with mostly different symptoms for every sufferer. And it can be overcome. Which means that those who developed it can get a firm grip on their emotions. I hate it when people who suffer from it get demonized. Everybody has something they are dealing with.

  60. I collected as much information as I could find and gave it to family and those who know me in the hope it would help them to understand me, but they either didn't read it or take it in, most people just can't be bothered as there are many "normal" people out there so why bother with a defected one?

  61. Yes. Being diagnosed with BPD does make you a bad person. It’s not their fault, I’ll give you that but after a certain point it becomes your own responsibility to morally good

  62. I don't keep pictures of myself as a lil girl. I hate looking through my mom's album of me as a lil girl. I was in a psychiatric hospital when i was 5 or 6 yo. I tore up all my baby pictures…idky but they bother me

  63. Diagnosed with CPTSD on my birthday in 2017 and then diagnosed with EUPD(BPD) a month ago.

    Life is a real struggle at the moment. Your correct I was taken away from my parents age 4 and put into children's homes and foster homes until I was 18.

    Suffered sexual abuse by my father and carers in the children's homes.

    Got a wife and child now so there is light at end of the tunnel but it's very hard on my wife and child

  64. I have had BPD for 13 years, I was diagnosed at 15 u thought it would get better with age but no worse. Another thing I had no childhood trauma at all I had a great childhood

  65. I dont think that peoble white borderline are bad…. But it makes Them imposible to have a healthy and normal relationship white.

  66. BPD are arseholes – they choose the shite they do – they make it all up in their heads – they’re cheating lying sneaky theiving low life scummy cunts – if you think your entangled with one – get away block delete – they are a living nightmare ( there’s no cure for being an arsehole ) they continually look for alternative relationships behind your back WTF ( back up supply A,B,C and D ) fuck off – let them be someone else’s problem – if you can’t show up healthy and true ……… don’t bother they should be sterilised too – Unfit to be proper parents. Once again run life fuck it’s not your problem they have a serious mental health issue ( they are normally riddled with STD’s too ) filthy bastards.

  67. It is a “personality disorder” that is essentially comprised of just being the biggest shit of a person humanly possible. I’m not saying it’s not a disorder and as somebody who suffers from anxiety/depression I understand what mental health issues can do, not an excuse for being an awful person…sorry.
    Imagine it’s 1950 for example(pre-DSM) and the “borderline” is doing what she normally does. The reaction would simply be “she is truly an awful human being, stay away”.
    Now it’s “ok” to be a lying, cheating, manipulating, life ruining and completely horrendous person because there’s a diagnosis in the DSM manual.
    Should we start releasing serial killers because they happen to have something called “psychopathy”, you see where I’m coming from. Sometimes a lousy person is just a lousy person… regardless of a diagnosis.

  68. I had bpd like tendencies growing up but they were never really bad or affected my life until I went through a traumatic experience surrounding my dad passing away and it fucked me all up lol

  69. Watching this, sobbing. I can’t stand myself when I get so defensive and toxic. It truly is so overwhelming and lonely.

  70. I hope you see this comment!! the links to the workbooks don't work. I know I'm a little late to the party but I could really use these books.

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