BPD & Bipolar: My Medication Journey

hello everybody welcome back to my channel I am trying to make more mental health kind of awareness videos alongside my mental health vlogs and I thought that today I would film a video about my medication journey because I have tried quite a few medications and thought I've done a video on my current medication but not the ones that I've taken in the past and I was finding it quite interesting to hear about other people's experiences with side effects things like that about medication so I thought I would tell my story so I will touch on like my diagnosis and stuff I do have a diagnosis video which I filmed ages ago so I will link that below but basically my diagnosis is borderline personality disorder and mixed affective disorder which I'm pretty sure my psychiatrist just made up because I can't find anything about it online it's kind of it's a form of bipolar but it means that I just get mixed episodes as opposed to highs and lows back in I don't know the date I was 21 I think I was in my last year of uni so 19 20 21 21 22 I went to the doctors with depression or I went to doctors with what I thought was depression that's what I was originally diagnosed with and the first medication that I was ever pop on was fluoxetine which is Prozac I believe yeah I think it's Prozac so my experiences with prozac were they weren't it was okay it was an okay antidepressant on its own obviously I had underlying issues if I I've mixed affective disorder so an antidepressant on its own can be quite dangerous because obviously need a mood stabilizer to go alongside that but at the time that one knew so that antidepressant didn't work amazingly side effects wise it gave me really bad stomachaches like terrible stomachaches I don't know why no other antidepressant has done that to me but I would I can't even remember the milligrams I was taking I was taking quite a high dosage so I went back to the doctor's I moved to New Hampton from Stoke went back to the doctors in Northampton they put me on sir telegram and I think I was on 40 to 60 milligrams a day I think that could be completely out but again I was on the medium dose of that and that was I took that for a while I took that for about three years I think off and on I found to top I'm okay but I didn't really have any side effects from it but it just didn't seem to I said I found it okay my mood was still dipping and getting high and I'm feeling like like I couldn't cope so I kind of took myself off that which is something that you shouldn't do at all you should never take yourself off medication and something that I need to listen to myself with because I am NOT great at taking my men yes so so telegram I was on from I was probably about 23 to 26 of something like that anyway Ivan came off medication completely and I was medication free for a couple of years so I was medication free for quite some time and then I had a personal situation that happened in 2015 which then caused my mood to dip cause me not to be able to cope I had a little bit of a breakdown while a mini breakdown leading up to a big one who I then went back to the doctors in 2015 or during 2016 no 2015 I went back to the doctors and they put me on surelly so I was taking 150 milligrams essentially and bear in mind at this time I was still seeing a GP I hadn't been assigned to a psychiatrist as yet so my GP put me on such lean and they didn't refer me for any talking therapies or anything like that they literally just said go and search early and see how you go and we'll just take it from there so I was on settling for about five months during that time my moods died to get quite erratic I was very restless I wasn't sleeping and that's the sign I know that something is right with my mental health I ended up in AME for a situation I don't really want to talk about now I might touch on it another point in another video I've spoke to the mental health team there and they were gonna refer me to a crisis team so I had no idea about the whole mental health services or what goes on at this point because I've never used the services before so I saw someone from the crisis team the next day I saw maybe four different people and GP and they decided that I needed to go and see a doctor at the local psychiatric hospital which thankfully isn't too far away from where I live so that's quite practical so I went there to see a doctor and I think looking back it was an assessment to see if I needed to go into hospital and probably looking back I did need to but they decided that I didn't but they diagnosed me with psychotic depression and put me on they kept me on search alene they gave me quite a pin and they gave me diazepam quite a lot of diet as a pot I was taking it three times a day and the core type in I was taking a hundred milligrams a day oh and I think they gave me lorazepam as well so a concoction of that just completely knocked me out I would take Michael type in at nighttime and it had such a bad effect on me at the time I didn't realize it was the type in and I thought it could have been any of them so the type in is an anti-psychotic and the qu type in just wasn't working for me at all I then got was taking these drugs for about three weeks and I got referred to a community mental health team psychiatrists to see regularly as a point of contact for my medication and my mental well-being when I then saw my psychiatrist he increased micro type into 300 milligrams a day took me off the diazepam took me off the lorazepam I literally was just taking to type-in and certainly and they were not a good mix for me physically at all I felt like a zombie and good I Pincott sort of numbs any feeling that you have I don't know whether it's the same for anyone else but I literally felt like I had no emotion I felt flat I didn't feel excited about anything I didn't feel sad about anything didn't take long to kick in at all I know a lot of medications can take my four to six weeks to kind of take effect but I have been had an immediate effect on me and physically it was not great I would take my medication at about nine o'clock at night and by 10 o'clock the room would be spinning my heart rate was probably about 120 resting and I would get up to go to bed and would literally not be able to walk swiftly went back to my doctor and explained that I was having bad side effects with the Katai him and I went through a questionnaire with him and they decided to take me off that and I agreed with that so they actually switched the core type in to our proposal which I can even pronounce properly it's another antipsychotic and it's I was taking 50 I'm still on it now and I don't think I'd ever come off it since then so I was taking 50 milligrams a day at this point I was still only taking such a lean and a antipsychotic so antidepressant antipsychotic and I hadn't properly been diagnosed they were kind of throughout borderline personality disorder at this point but the whole mixed effective thing hadn't been diagnosed just yet with my mental health I kind of got up and down so I can have maybe like two or three months stable and then up gets really rocky so I was taking these and they were fine until I had another rough patch and I went back to see my psychiatrist and he decided to put me on Lamacq gene which is a mood stabilizer this was when I started to get diagnosed with mixed affective disorder because my moves are so mixed mood stabilizers that can help level that out it's also used for borderline personality disorder as well so it was kind of advised that it would be a good medication for me to take our papers all had no side effects to me the only actually that I've been getting from my medication is weight gain I've been told that some medications do make you put on weight some don't mine obviously have it's something that I'm working on I'm going to the gym I'm trying to get off the medication weight gain and I was on those drugs for quite some time probably about five months fast-forward to July last year and I had another breakdown so I saw the mental health team and they decided that I should go to hospital I've made a video about my experience in a psychiatric hospital which again I'll leave link below and the doctor there without really knowing anything about me he obviously had my notes um but my second day no my third day there cuz I got there on a Friday I didn't see a doctor till the Monday so I had what they called Ward round where you talk to a doctor and you literally get given like ten minutes to explain everything that's going on and they tweak your medication which I think it's really terrible because they go against what your community psychiatrist says and they just do their only thing so I was put on back on lorazepam they took me off LaMotte regime so they took me off a mood stabilizer which I think was probably a little bit silly and they put me on a old generation or first-generation antipsychotic called chlorpromazine chlorpromazine I don't really see that get used that often if you're taking nap and let me know what you think about program using either Divis booth sedated it's highly sedated and it's again an anti-psychotic so it just kind of get it leads me feeling a little bit numb I was taking fifty milligrams of it in the morning of fifty milligrams at night and at the time I was taking a LeMat regime fifty milligrams in the morning fifty milligrams at night so I was in the hospital for not very long at all and but then when I got out of hospital I didn't see my psychiatrist for about three weeks four weeks and when I went to see him he was quite shocked at there me off the mood stabiliser – and was kind of surprised that they tweak my medication without really asking that much about my background and my diagnosis he then kept me off la marcha gene actually for a little bit and then when I went back he put me back on it and I take 75 grams 75 grams that's a lot of medication 75 milligrams in the morning and 75 milligrams at night I then take 50 milligrams chlorpromazine because I asked to reduce that because it's known for weight gain I still take 15 milligrams a trip resolved and I still take a hundred milligrams sir chilly oh yeah side effects wise nothing from the macho jean-claude promazine weight gain it makes you very sleepy at nighttime – the tablets are pretty big the ones I have and they're not the nicest to take the only medication I would never ever go back to is Kragh type in that drug made me like it was just awful so yeah that's all the medications that I've been on so anyway I hope you liked this very rambly video about medications that I've been on I hope it helps some of you yeah I will probably update this video I'm quite a psychiatrist appointment in the next like two months I think so I will probably update this then and that's it I'm gonna go I'll see in the next video boy


  1. Completely relate to the quetiapine! I used to describe the tiredness it would cause as actually painful. Very soon after taking it the need to be horizontal was so horribly strong and once I’d taken it I definitely couldn’t decide I wanted to stay up longer. Never again 🙅🏻‍♀️

  2. Hi Eloise! I've been following your vlogs for some time and found them really interesting and informative. So thanks v much! All the best, Gareth

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