Depression and Photography as Therapy

Photography and depression, mainly how photography
helps me overcome my depression. Actually many people don’t know but I suffer
from depression. You know I’ve been suffering from depression
pretty much all my life. And I always try to put out this kind of stoic
kind of cold but caring never fazed personality you know? But to be honest I’m always I’m always pretty
lonely pretty sad pretty depressed It’s just my natural state of being and I’ve already
accepted it. But there’s different levels of sadness you
know? There’s the happy kind of sad, there’s my
normal kind of sad, and then there’s my I want to kill myself kind of sad you know? But uh yeah I can already see the comments
on Youtube like someone is going to write “Just go kill yourself already blah blah blah”
but actually Reddit comments and Youtube comments don’t really depress me, it’s like it’s more
like interpersonal things that bother me. Things that get to me. But anyways, This is about photography and
depression and you know when I was younger, I used to skateboard cuz I pretty early on
found out that if I kept myself busy – then I could keep DEPRESSION away. When I was in college I used to be in the
swim team and go to the gym so that helped me keep depression at bay. But once I came to Korea, I started making
Youtube videos I mean not only because I like Korea but because I knew that the more I keep
myself busy, like if I am doing something, then I am less likely to get depressed and
commit suicide or something like that. But…Actually, when I discovered photography,
like when I started taking photos it wasn’t just a way to keep depression at bay, it was
also a way of treating depression for me you know? Like…I quickly found out that if I was sad
or not having kind thoughts, I could just grab my camera and go out and maybe I’ll feel
a little bit better, not always you know but it helped me to some degree. Like uh, when I hold a camera in my hand it’s
just me vs the world you know? Like…everything slows down, I become like
a passenger like I don’t interact with the world, it’s just me behind the glass. Sorry to be talking so artsy and stuff, I
really hate it when people start talking like oh yeah art so beautiful and blah blah blah. Yeah…anyways it’s one of those moments,
when I am behind the camera like…I’m just an observer, everything slows down. I love the way the lenses feel when I am focusing
because I use manual lenses so it feels like really buttery. I like…I like just watching people you know
and photography let’s me do that. Not only as a creative outlet and not only
does it keep me busy but just the time being alone and just shooting by myself is kind
of like my therapy you know? Photography is my therapy. And before it wasn’t like that, before photography
it was just okay…once I get depressed that’s it I’m going to be stuck in depression for
a few weeks and let’s hope I don’t kill myself or something like that you know but once I
found photography it was more like a way to to treat it. And actually when I was in college I used
to take medicine. They gave me these pills and you know I am
very pro science and pro medicine but honestly I think those pills made it worse, like they
always made me feel kind of itchy…I don’t know it’s a hard way to describe it, it’s
like it made me, it made it worse in a way. But thank god for photography, oh actually
we are going to go back this way. Oops. So anyways as I was saying, me as a person,
I like being alone. But I like knowing, I like the idea that someone
is there for me if I need them, I’m kind of like a cat I guess like… I don’t want your attention but I want to
know you are there. If people get too close to me I kinda freak
out and push everybody away that’s why I like photography because I can go out and shoot
by myself but like sometimes I can go out and shoot with friends too. I think if you are an artist, you’re going
to be sensitive like. I don’t know if it is just me but I think
that the most successful artists were always the most sensitive ones. Or just creative people in general just tend
to be more sensitive to the world, you know like they tend to be, to notice things that
other people don’t and just be more expressive in general. So if you’re like an artist of some sort,
please let me know if you’re like..I don’t know if you’re sensitive or to the point of
depression like me but…I don’t know it’s just my theory. I have no data to back that up. But anyways, Every since photography came
into my life. I’ve found the creative outlet of my choice. And the only regret I have is uh not discovering
photography earlier you know? Because hey photography helps, it’s not that
much of extra income also, it helps me a little bit. I like creating beautiful things, even if
people aren’t looking at my pictures, I don’t really care cuz I do it mostly for myself. And it just feels good that people enjoy my
photography with me you know? It’s like…this is an activity I can do with
people but not actually be with people, you know? Like uh…I kinda hate people. I dont want to put that in a bad way, I just
don’t like people in general. I am pretty cynical, once you get to know
me, I really have low expectations for everybody. Just I don’t put my faith in anyone but myself,
that is just the way I am. But I learned to trust other photographers,
like photographers tend to be pretty good bunch. I know I’ve read…I’ve watched some Youtube
videos by other famous Youtubbers that say photographers are mean to each other, blah
blah blah, always putting each other down. But that has never been my experience, thank
god for that. So…for me. photography is a blessing, it’s uh…I’ve
actually had moments and I don’t even know if I should tell you guys this but I’ve had
times when I just found myself with a knife in my hand and just….just end it all already. And then it rains, go out and take some photos. Don’t worry I am not going to off myself anytime
soon. Just…but I do know that when I die, it’s
probably going to be by my own hand. But not anytime soon, don’t worry about me. But yeah I am glad you guys watched this video
it’s very personal to me and I know someone out there is going to hopefully use this in
a positive manner. Photography is beautiful you know? It’s a very creative outlet and I just love
slowing down and shooting, shooting people you know not shooting myself. Guns are illegal in Korea you know? But anyways, if you guys are interested in
this place I actually have a few videos about a Dongdaemun history and culture park. I’ll put the links below or something. Thinks for being my subscribers and if you’re
not a subscriber, go ahead and hit that like button and..subscribe. We keep it real here. So I’ll see you guys around.


  1. I wish you lots of rainy nights. My son did end his own life. He didn’t know to protect himself with a camera. Keep safe and as happy as possible.

  2. I've never found someone explain the way I feel as well as you just did. I agree 100% with you, even about hating people but wanting to know they're there when you need them. I just found your work within the last few days and I absolutely love it, keep it up man.

  3. I don't have depression. But there are times when I feel I need to go out and take pictures and I am really not feeling it. But as I walk, and look, I can feel my attitiude change and I start to see things and soon I see photos everywhere. I don't know if that is what you experience, but that is what you got me thinking. Thanks.

  4. Thank you for this video. I agree that artists are more sensitive, and this can Be very hard. But they can try to find solace in their art, like you with photography. I'm a person with no particolar talent, I'm just curious and I try to find a way to keep going. And often I find some peace of mind in Beauty, like your photos, art, music…"A thing of beauty is a joy forever", no?

  5. Thank you for sharing such a personal matter with us.. I could relate a lot. When you said you like being alone it made me think about myself and how I deal with "being alone with myself". I don't mind being alone if I keep myself busy, but can't stand being "alone with myself" as in, staying put and quiet. Because then my brain floods me in thoughts that usually turn out negative and bring me down. I could stare at the clouds and the minute I let my thoughts in BAM, sadness and emptiness come in without a knock.

    I too enjoy taking pictures and just like you said when I shoot it feels like everything slows down. I get absorbed into observing and finding beauty in small things and I hardly get distracted (whereas I usually get distracted by literally anything). Up until watching your video I didn't see photography as a therapy – because when I am depressed I have a hard time pushing myself to do things, even things I like. But what you said about how you used to just see it as something you like, and came to the realization that it could be a therapy, I think I should really take note of it (and actually write it down) to try and pursuade myself to go out and wander with my camera whenever negative feelings invade me.

    I get what you mean about not liking people. I often find myself thinking I prefer annimals over human beings. My family environment kind of screwed me up and I grew up fragile which didn't help my social skills.

    Anyways, thank you again for this video. It was interesting and helpful. Kind of a reminder that comes along at just the right time.

    P.S I guess this video also comes as an opportunity to say how I love and admire your work! and thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us.

  6. Hey Noe. Thank you for being so accessible and open – you're not trying to bullsh*t any of us. It's important – and more people need to present their lives like you have with us in this video. If I'm left to my own thoughts and feelings, I tend to suffer with anxiety. The irony of my anxiety is that it actually makes me a more social person; it's my own thoughts and awareness which fuels my anxiety, not other people. Other people help distract from it. The same is true with photography. The process of photographing is more important to me than the final images. It focuses me. Puts me in a zone; allows me to continue that focus throughout the day even when I'm not photographing. So I totally get what you're saying. Thanks so much for your channel and for sharing your content with us 🙂 All the best, man. Tim.

  7. I agree so much with what you're saying. Everything slows down when you're behind that camera. One solid way to deal with depression is through mindfulness techniques. Photography lends itself to this. Thanks for sharing your journey.

  8. I was getting very depressed in my last job but have switched my career to photography and it has changed my life… it is harder to get money but way more fulfilling mentally amd spiritually. Stay strong your stuff is amazing amd you inspire so many people 🙂

  9. I feel the same way, I usually try to use photography as a way of escaping my problems. But I live in a small town in Florida where the most interesting thing is a gas station. My biggest dream is to one day live in Korea or Japan where I think my creativity would increase immensely , not only in photography but in music and fashion as well. Being a high school student and a migrant from Brazil doesn't help much.

  10. I can totally relate. Photography helped me a lot during the past years, and it's almost exactly how you describe it, although I'm mostly interested in people photography. The funny thing is that I can relate to your loner thoughts too, but I'm still interested in people and the camera was a great way in the past to overcome the barrier to them. That said, I enter states (like currently) when I just can't bring myself up to go out and actively start shooting, and I hate those months. But even now, my camera is one of my little helpers I always carry with me, even when I just go shopping for groceries – as soon as I have my camera in my bag (btw the same x100 you have) my mind enters "search for motif" mode and I'm actively looking around, searching for details, instead of simply being in a self-focused anxiety mode. So even in the worst days when I don't actually do much photography it's still present and comes as a slight relief. Anyway, I'm glad I find so many photographers "coming out" lately.

  11. Hey man. First of all, I would just like to say that this video resonates with me so much. So thanks for speaking out about this matter that a lot of us have to go through. My experience was quite similar to yours, where in that I got into photography during a dark time of my life. When I was holding a camera, I was simply distracted from all the bullshit in this world and in my life. With my camera, I felt like anything is possible and there no boundaries to what and how I can shoot a moment in time. I discovered your channel through another youtuber, and this is my first video I'm watching from you. Definitely staying for more of your photos and insights in life. Keep it up and be well my friend.

  12. Someone I follow on Instagram linked this video on their story and said it was a great video. He was absolutely right 🙂

    Thanks a lot for sharing this. It brings me a lot of comfort to hear from other people in a situation similar to mine. Reminds me that I'm not alone in depression and that there are people out there who understand.

    Photography is my outlet as well, and really helps me to stay busy and get my mind focused on something constructive. I think you could definitely be right about photographers being a sensitive crowd. I definitely fit that and know a few people I shoot with relate.

    Seriously man, thank you for sharing. And I am glad you found photography and used it as a way to keep your mental strong. Keep on keeping on my man 🙂

  13. Depression for me is just feeling frustrated or unmotivated for a few days. It usually doesn't keep me from functioning normally.

    But I get the being alone thing. I love being alone, and I seem to be getting better at it over time. I'm always willing to meet friends I'm comfortable with, but I'm terrified of meeting new people, or at least, I just don't have the energy most days for those situations.

    I can't relate to the photography of videomaking stuff. Lately music videos take so much effort that I'm not sure how much I enjoy it. I had a lot of fun going out to film last year on days with nice weather, but the editing . . .

    But I think exercise has given me motivation. Of all the habits I maintain, it tends to be my most consistent. I'm not even sure why, since it leaves me feeling tired all the time. Maybe it's that feeling of always making progress, always learning something new about my capabilities. You've helped with that. If I don't exercise in three days, I feel this profound inadequacy. It's not depression, but exercising again makes me think, "Okay, this is correct."

  14. I can understand what you mean. When I was at my lowest, it was before YouTube and before I was doing things I actually enjoyed. I think it's really great when a passion helps you with your mental health. Thank you for opening up and sharing with us

  15. Thank you for sharing something personal. Just wanted to let you know I appreciate you and the content you produce. I first learned about neon/cyberpunk editing from this channel.

  16. imma be real with all of you. i got completely rid of my yearlong depression by droppin acid, meditiating and havin a "conversation" with my inner self about what it really is that makes me feel like I do.

  17. Thanks for sharing…And Oh Boy do I understand ! I really like the comparison with the cats…maybe that’s why I love them so much…Take care

  18. I don't know you but I can certainly relate to you through this video, well done. Photography is a rare thing I can do to keep my mind from itself (sever anxiety, various other unpleasant issues). Endorphins get released somehow. I have a very observant (and sensitive) personality, and am always looking at things, people, basically observing how the world is put together and wondering, and it fascinates me, so capturing 'what I see' is quite absorbing and satisfying. Photography is basically a rewarding tool that keeps my mind distracted from itself. I'm also quite a loner and deeply cynical, again these themes come out in my photography because they are the scenes I 'see'. Keep up the good work!

  19. I can't tell you how much this video touched me…and I know others. Every single person born into this life has no idea how to really deal with it. I don't consider myself to be depressed, although to be honest I'm not sure how to even define that either, but everyone has been…sorry…no exceptions. The one thing I know is that for myself, I've always loved taking pictures. It always felt like it filled something that was missing in my life. And yes…90% of the time…no one sees them…they sit on my computer (or…for us older folks…they live in the thousands of prints I have from years ago). So many are are blurry…or over/under exposed…or just picture I don't like. But there are some that when you see it, you can't believe you took it! The feeling inside is like nothing else. I am, and will always be just an amateur…and that's all I every want to be. But I will watch you and try to learn things that will help me to have those amazing feelings. Thanks!!!!

  20. ✅ Websites




  21. Thank you for your honesty. It is brutal, but it is good to see how other human beings are dealing with life. I hope your battle will have you as the winner. Big hug!

  22. I also have depression, so i really appreciate your openness and honesty. It’s always helps a bit to know you aren’t the only one who deals with it. It’s something I rarely talk about to anyone, so to see someone on YouTube be open about it was good for me to see tonight.
    Anyway, been going through your videos tonight and your Instagram and as I commented there great stuff. And now I want to go to Korea and that camera cafe!
    Best wishes!

  23. i subscribed a while ago,watched your fake false color tutorial yesterday, but today i need to tell you that if only the way you walk on eggshells while vloging is nothing short of amazing ! i think you invented the "moon walk" of vlogging here;don't know if it's your gimbal or magnetic shoes (think of 2001 space odissey…), but it is breathtaking; otherwise, i am one of us, living as a couple with my beloved lonelyness ( call it independancy- if you're an artist), specialise in rainy nights in ghost towns as a vide/artist and composer,and wish you all the worst ,thanks bro ,and keep up with that L monochrome;

  24. Actually I have been thinking about that for quite a while if people who make art are mostly sensitive and close to their feelings. For excample when i listen to electronic music and the track takes me I feel emotions and stuff… So i think the componist used his emotions as a force or inspiration for his art. And maybe thats the way many artists do it. Thank you for sharing such a personal topic with us. Keep it up bro… Im inspired from your work…

  25. I saw your pictures on your blog, and They are really impressive to me.
    Could you tell me where I can learn editing skills to make cyberpunk vibe?

  26. I found your video through searching photography therapy I want to thank you for sharing you're honest experience on how photography helps you coping with life. Also thank you for sharing your art.

  27. I've met a couple other fellow photographers who have similar feelings toward photography (myself included). Man, you are inspirational. Your work makes people feel things. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep fighting the good fight. Hopefully life in Seoul won't get you too down.
    good luck !!

  28. I came across this video by accident, then I started to look into your créations and they just blow my mind!!! And I get what you say about the photography helps a lot on this situations, it's a really personal video and I'm glad you keep creating!!!

  29. I made some time today to watch more of your videos. I'm glad I watched this one. It spoke to me. I don't deal with depression as you do but I deal with anxiety, an photography helps me tremendously. Much like you I don't see it for the money or views. I like how it makes me feel. I'm almost a different person. Thanks for this video!

  30. This video may have just helped save my life.. you have just put into words how I havent been able to.. i have just got myself a camera and intend on trying to pull myself out of this 20 year old hell.. thankyou.

  31. Yes yes, I agree with you, I use it as a therapy and I thought to make a theory and make a group for who believes in this and develop my theory and give workshops for people, please if you are interested leave a comment.

  32. I feel this, I suffer with chronic anxiety it can be just as bad. Its really hard to get into areas and citys with lots of people even if they are not directly close by, I have once or twice and have shoot some great(well I think) photos and really enjoy it. Its getting better I'm getting more confident with it, I've heard a lot of photographers say its great therapy and it really is, its getting that push(in my case) to do it, I won't say I'm 'inspired' by your video I see you hate that kind of thing lol, I'll say its 'enlightening' …all the best to you.

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