Hey guys it’s Fumnanya. I wanted to come on and do this sort of chatty
video. I feel like you guys enjoyed the last 1 I
did. And today we’re just gonna talk about a couple
questions that you’ve sent to my DMS. If you want to see how I got this look and
also here a couple answers to your DM questions definitely please keep watching. I’m gonna be talking about the list you, I
feel like this is a really important topic to delve into so I’m just gonna share my experience
with it. It’s also in line with what a lot of you
have been asking in my DMS so it’s killing 2 birds with 1 stone. For anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking
about when I say the list, is just that list of attributes that you tend to be drawn to
in the opposite sex. For me that list was detailed. That list had physical, that list had curricular,
extracurricular, that list was thorough and I just wasn’t deviating from it. So there was this point right around the time
that I moved back home, I think was the summer before I started law school. I met this guy, he approached me and we started
talking. It was like you took my list to this factory
and they made this man to specification. He’s a doctor he’s ivy-league-educated, like
your girl, and so it was all making sense. I was just like God I just have to say thank
you. I felt like this guy is perfect and so we
just started to talk and get to know each other. For me the important thing is just getting
to know someone before we actually go on that date, that’s how I prefer to do it. So we talked a little bit, we texted, spoke
on the phone just talking about life, talking about politics, talking about our careers,
our goals. It was just wow I can talk to this guy, he’s
a Christian, he has his head on straight, he has ambition, he has a plan. It all started to make sense. So he said let’s get together, let’s go out,
I’d love to take you out, let’s get to know each other. I was kind of like yes let’s go out. He said we’re both saved and God means a lot
to me and I know He means a lot to you so let’s let our first date be at the church. I was thinking he was perfect, I took that
moment. The whole time I had been praying God this
guy seems like a really great guy for me. I was also kind of wanting to be mindful and
wanting to be intentional before I enter into a relationship, which I’ve talked about
on this channel a little bit. So I was also praying Lord I’m waiting for
that person, I’m trying to be intentional with dating God and if this is someone who
would have me be with or if it’s not someone you would have me be with Lord please open
my eyes, give me discernment. I think that’s something that I really want
you guys to take away is that every step of the way I was praying, I was checking in. I never wanted to sort of get carried away
with the motion. I was always checking in and saying God how
would you have me move forward? Would you have me move forward? That kind of thing. That is what I prayed oh! The day started to get interesting during
brunch because after church he said let’s go to brunch, talk, get to know each other
a little bit. So we went to brunch and he was just saying
things that hadn’t really come up on the phone or
over text when we would talk. Things that were deal-breakers, these are
fundamental differences that we have that I don’t see myself bending on. So we talked and the funny thing is as he
was talking it was like I was getting more and more insight into who this person is,
the kind of things that you wouldn’t find out on a first date I was finding out. At 1 point he said to me this is so weird
that I’m talking so much it’s like I can’t stop and I never taught this much. I was just sitting there looking at him as
he was saying this is so weird I never talk this much and I said it’s not weird I prayed
for this, I prayed ahead of time. God’s answering my prayers. You’re talking this much because God wants
to give me insight, God wants to give me the discernment that I asked for, God wants to
show me something about you and teach me something from this experience. I’ll never forget it because at that point
I thought to myself thank you Jesus, thank you Lord, thank you Jehovah when I was praying. So we went our separate ways. So I went home and I prayed about it, I did
a little devotional and I kinda started to meditate just on the date, on the last couple
weeks that we’ve been talking and on what happened because I was a little disappointed,
I’m not gonna lie. I was kind of like God what happened this
made perfect sense. What I felt God wanted me to get out of that
situation is just the guy that I have for you may not match up with your list, he may
not match up with everything that you’ve always thought you would have or everything you’ve
always thought that you wanted. Even then I was a little more confused than
anything else. So a couple weeks later I ended up going to
this conference, which I referenced in my preparing to be a Godly wife video and I just
wanted to read for you guys what I wrote down in my notes. So in this breakout session he said your list
assumes that you know what’s good for you. God is the only one who can tell you what’s
important for your life. God has to be the source of your list so you
have priorities. Having your own list is like going to the
grocery store with someone else’s grocery list. If I don’t say anything else this whole video
that alone, that alone. When I heard him say that in that breakout
session instantly I said I get it God, I get it, I get what you wanted me to learn from
that situation, from that man, I get what you wanted me to learn from that experience. I get why you had him be perfect and not perfect
for me. I get why you had him be everything I thought
I wanted, I get it. Seeing that someone could be everything I
wanted on paper and still not be my person was eye-opening for me. Because up until that point I was kind of
like well I just haven’t met him, there was always something missing. But this guy he didn’t have anything missing
from my list and yet. That is what I wanted to come on and tell
you guys is you might have a certain expectation of what this guy is going to look like, what
this guy is going to do for a living, what this guy is going to be like, where he will
be from. You may have all these ramifications but unless
you go to God and say Lord forget what I want forget, forget what I’m writing, everyday
writing. So I said let me come and tell them oh! Keep an open mind, be obedient, yield surrender
to God’s will for your life. So I wanted to come on and tell you guys that
because once you let go of that I think that’s a huge part of it. This is called film noir, I’m going to use
that in my contour blush area. I like to use my blush on the cheekbone area
just to make my face look a little more slim rather than using it on the apple of my cheeks. This blush goes really nicely with this eye
makeup look so I’m feeling it. I’m going to use my pink sprint palette, the
shade I’m going to use is pink parfait right on top of that to blend everything out sort
of be more of a blush color. See how that you know gives a little dimension. Just to have everything look seamless. So what are your experiences as far as dating
and sort of having a list, having expectations of what you think the guys gonna be like? I would love to hear that I know it’s like
you have a type and that’s what you tend to be drawn to you but I really do encourage
you to keep an open mind and be prayerful and obedient and just accept that God may
have a different vision for you and believe that what He has for you is gonna be better
than what you could ever dream up for yourself. For this next question I’m going to be speaking
to I think a lot of you. Someone sent me a question and they were basically
saying I am a young Christian single woman trying to live my life the way that the scripture
says that I should. Trying to be obedient to God, trying to live
a Christian life that is 1 of integrity, basically practicing what I preach behind closed doors. These are people who are practicing abstinence
or celibacy, whatever you want to call it and they’re dating intentionally, they’re
not sort of just dating to date. They’re trying to be patient and obedient,
that’s the major theme. They’re trying to live lives that are obedient
to what God has called Christians to do. The end part of that is as a Christian dating
it’s really hard. Even when you meet men in the church it’s
really hard to sort of have that integrity and walk in abstinence or walk in celibacy
and still date and still have relationships. They’re saying how do I stay obedient without
feeling like girls who are out here not walking in obedience, not living their lives according
to the parameters set by the scripture, they seem to be winning. They’re out here getting married, they’re
out here in relationships, they always have men, they always have somebody on their arm
and I’m out doing what God asked me to do, I’m single, spending Valentine’s Day by myself
I’m and aint no one checking for me. I had someone say I’ve been advising my friends
not to move in with their boyfriends to practice abstinence or practice celibacy and look me
that is celibate, abstinent does she not invite me to her wedding at the end of the day. I just want to say this to you guys, listen
I know how you feel. It’s human to feel that way because I feel
as human beings we are very outcome oriented, we tend to feel if I’m doing the right thing
I should get the results that I want, if I’m doing the wrong thing I can expect bad results. I think that’s just how we tend to process
the world and it allows us to feel like we have some control over what happens to us. I do have to let you know that that mindset
is not a healthy 1, it’s not a good mindset to have. 1, because it’s never a good thing to compare
yourself to another person. It’s never a good thing to measure your progress
in your life based on where another person is. You’re never ever ever going to come out of
that feeling like that was a good idea. Comparison is the thief of joy. So I just want to say first and foremost girls,
because a bunch of you asked me something along these lines, stop comparing yourself
to other people. That’s first and foremost. Secondly I’m going to share something with
you. I heard Steven Furtick say it and what I tell
you it changed my whole entire life, it changed my whole entire life. But basically what he said is obedience is
your responsibility, outcome is God’s. I’m gonna let that sinking because that’s
really a word. The reason this preached to me is because
I am a really ambitious person and part of being ambitious is being outcome driven. You work towards an outcome ultimately. But I had to learn very early in my faith
walk that that is not how it works in the kingdom of the Most High God, that is just
not how it works because God really wants us to focus on obedience for obedience sake. If you’re being obedient and you’re saying
Lord I want to date the way you would have me date, I want to live my life in a way that
makes you proud, I want to live a Christian life with integrity then you can’t see obedience
as a means to an end. You can’t see it like God I’m being obedient
so where’s my man? You have to trust them believe that if God
has asked you to do something, if His scripture has an instruction in it then that instruction
is for your own good. It’s not God’s desire to put a bunch of random
parameters on us just for the sake of it. I know that it’s hard for a lot of you especially
if you’ve been living 1 way in your past and now you’re trying to transition to a more
obedient lifestyle, I know that can be difficult. But I just encourage you to take it 1 day
at a time. See that obedience again as an end in itself. See it as something that God is walking you
through for a purpose that’s ultimately for your good. It’s not something that you’re going to lack,
it’s not something that’s gonna lead you to a loss. It’s something that ultimately is edifying
for your body, mind, soul and spirit and so I encourage you to have that mindset when
you’re walking through it. That’s if for my video, I hope you guys
enjoyed thank you guys so much for watching. As always send me your questions on Instagram,
Facebook, wherever it best for you. Instagram is where I tend to check more often
so that would be easiest. I love you guys so much. Thank you again for watching and I can’t
wait to see you again in my next video. Bye!


  1. Wow, I love and appreciate a beautiful levelheaded woman of God. Thank you for this message, this really helped my grieving heart.

  2. Giiiirl!
    Let me just say, continuous blessings on, in & upon your life, from the Most High !!
    This blessed my soul and I. 🙌🙏
    Thank you !!

  3. Im blessed i always seem to have short term experiences with all the wrong men lol although sometimes i try to hold on they all end up leaving

  4. PPRRRRAAAIIIISSSEEEEE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love when you use your accent, sounds African….Giirrlllllll, God like ummm We got to listen and be obedient.

  5. The girls that seem to be winning are picking the wrong guys and they will be divorced soon, trust it. Your right on track with your advice. I am going to share this with my friends. I just met the love of my life 3 months ago and he is NOTHING like I thought he would be but so much more than I could have ever dreamed of or given myself and totally NOT like the guy on my list but yet he is the man God wanted me to have and I am overjoyed because of it. =)

  6. Obedience is your responsibility, outcome is Gods" "comparison is the thief of joy" All these pearls of wisdom yasss! Thank u girl, I'm leaving this video a changed person!

  7. I went on the first real date ever with a guy that I thought was PERFECT on paper like the prototype. He still is in my book to some degree but we had a "super" date as he called it & hung out going to different things for like 8 hrs. I went fan girl on him at the end of the night & freaked him out I think so we didn't end up hanging out again. I realized from that he wasn't perfect because he didn't hit me up again despite us having a great time. The right man (men) would have pursued me before they left to back home (out of town) to see me again or contact me again but he didn't & hasn't. It was a good indicator that there are single men out here that are Christian & good looking, tall, Firefighters but anywho 🙂 lol

  8. Thank you so so much for this i had to share this with my granddaughter. U stay with the word of God and everything is going to b just fine. Once again thank you

  9. I’m in my mid 40s. I find that a lot of men at this point in life are sharing less information about themselves and when they do share it’s tailored to fit what you have expressed in a potential mate. I’m learning to finally trust God Completely.

  10. Videos like this should go viral. Especially 9:45 on… thanks for sharing. So refreshing to hear that I'm not alone!

  11. I used to have a type but now I’m at the point where I’m like if nothing else he has to have a relationship with God and be serious about God’s word and keeping his commandments.

  12. Amen sister! I don’t know how I ended up on your channel but this was a sign. Yes, I am also celibate and dealing with everything you’re going through and god is definitely good to me. I am waiting for god to bring me who ever he feels is for me! Amen!!! Subscribed

  13. This is so true ! One should always pray when entering a relationship because if the person you are involved with is not the one , God will show you trough his actions or words who this person really is and why you have to move away.

  14. Pretty and natural hair. I was with a guy for 4 years, was perfect for me, I thought we would be married, I know the most high put him in my life for a reason, turns out he got really sick, I spent a year taking care of him, he died at home, I was there, it was the hardest thing I ever went through. Still dealing. Its been three months.

  15. I’ve always said, ‘if you shut up long enough, a man will tell you everything you need to know about his character on your first date, hell, your 1st phone call’😂 Society thinks that women are the ones that talk alot, but once men start talking, and you seem interested, they’ll reveal a ton of red flags

  16. Love this!….I think that you and YouTuber Rob Kowalski should do a conference together on singleness, etc…. Your insight and point of views are refreshing as so needed and I gonna post in his page "10 Reasons not to have sex before marriage"!

  17. I just want to take a moment to appreciate the fact that you put the start time(s) in the video the topics will be discussed. I love that you did that and wish more people did that!

  18. Man thank you so much for doing 2 things with valuable content at once that all chicks like myself love. Great topic and got a chance to see how you did your makeup. Prefect!!! So many times people would easily make this into 2 different videos, but loved what you did with this! Thank you!

  19. Oh my God, I'm experiencing this right now. I've never seen your channel but this video was recommended for me. I'm so glad I watched. Thank you

  20. So, I clicked on your video because it showed up on my feed. When I heard you talked about your list I was about to click off but the lord nudged me to continue listening . Praise the lord for listening to his voice and being obedient. Girl, he is intentional and he already knows your husband. It is funny how he uses situations to bring us into his truth. Peace and love sister.

  21. For me I’ve always dated with intention & now that I’m out of a relationship and growing my faith and learning more about Jesus I find that my intention is still there just on another level. You’re so right about comparison …I think another thing people should take in is shame…I’ve dealt with that & it really played a role in how I received any and everything even God’s word! But this is where having brothers and sisters in Christ is sooooo important to redirect negative thoughts, shame and doubt. And of course reading the word, that has helped me tremendously …I’m learning more and more about who I am and what I need as opposed to what I want. I know God will make it right to whom I marry and I’m just going to be patient in the process. Although I don’t feel like I’m ready to date right now (but I get signs and hear messages that that may just be in my mind lol) I plan to listen to the Holy Spirit when he speaks because I want to make sure what I’m doing is according to the greater plan and not just my own! I’m so glad I found this video, it’s quite difficult to find this kind of content on YouTube. If you know of any others doing the same, can you share? I’d love to hear what others are going through in their journey!!

  22. I married a man who is shorter, lighter skin, NO sense of style than what i wanted in my" dream man".
    I also married a stronger, kinder, hard working, crazy for me kind of guy who wanted me forever from the start. It is never what you expected…. trust your gut, your perfect man is coming on God's time. In the meantime, enjoy your life, stay beautiful🤗

  23. Wow !!!! I am so blessed to have stumbled onto your page… I need this so bad .. so very bad… wow I'm literally experiencing chills .

  24. I notice that a lot of women (including myself in the past) have a list of things men do for themselves…like he's college educated, goes to church, doesn't drink or smoke, has a good relationship with his family…those are all good qualities to have but they are things he did/does for himself not you. What's most important to me now is how he treats me.

  25. Luuuuv it!!! So edifying to my soul right now Lord. Great example of how to submit ourselves to the Lord’s will.

  26. Maha, I read somewhere Eve was created for Adam. Woman created for Man. Most women are praying for a Man to be prepared for them, may we instead, Ask the Lord to prepare us for the man who’s praying for us…. ❤️

  27. Girl!!!!! Wow! This was so good and drives home the importance of prayer through all journeys including dating! This was so good! You’ve got a new subscriber girl! Yes!!! I shouted multiple times while watching!

  28. My type is the dark, sexy body etc, and honey every time I get it, like you said it's not right. I thought he found me a few months ago but no God showed me and o had to walk away. Celibate almost 4 years now. 😭

    Girl your funny 😂

  29. Amen God will never lead us in the wrong direction listen to his still small voice. Yes Lord help me to be obident and trust in you 🙆‍♀️🙏

  30. You know what makes me sad. I’m not even half way through the video, and your relationship with God is making me unhappy. It’s making me unhappy because I wish I had the relationship you had, I used to be on my way. and I’ve fallen off. And I don’t know if I wanna get back on. That’s all. I’m happy for your happiness, your beautiful

  31. Hello, Maha Maven you testimony in the dating world as a christian women is really good.You do have to yield to God for everything. You are a smart lady like myself you will find that man one day. God has a special man for every women who is willing to discern and wait on God timing.

  32. i was not going to watch this video but for some reason i did and omg its was just what i needed to hear. im so stuck on my type that i wouldnt even consider giving anyone out of that type a chance, wow im so glad i watch this video, smh i need to stop being so tunnel vision and open up for what God has for me.

  33. My experience was just like yours. I literally Asked God why don’t you want this for me😭😭we would be so perfect togehter😫 and I ran down all these traits. God showed me a lot of signs to say that wasn’t him

  34. I love it when u speak in a nigerian accentooo😂😍😍😘😘😗❤❤❤❤😊💫 hahaha when you told him straight forward on the date that you praid for him to expose himself😂 👏👏 respect 🤝 great video. I needed to hear this

  35. I’m a new subscriber and your videos are so spot on when it comes to Dating with Godly Intentions!! Thank you for sharing your platform sis🤗

  36. I love you!!i have a “list” but it’s not about looks or anything but I do want to be attracted to him if that’s makes sense..I just have qualities I want him to have but I don’t have anything like as far as what he has to look like physical wise or career wise

  37. 🙏🏾 the same thing happened to me a month ago. At first, I was so confused and sad, but then I remembered that I asked God for discernment and asked God to remove this person if it’s not for me and that’s exactly what God did.

  38. What if someone isn’t as on fire for God as you? But it seems like they are pursuing and God may have planned it? &theyre Still Christian and celibate and all that

  39. I fid it a bit ironic that when you talked about your perfect guy not being perfect, it reminded me of last year (2018) i dated this guy who,when you said they brought your list to a factory and made him, it was the same for me. But that 'perfect' guy gave me the perfect heartache in after a timespan of three months, that was worse than when i was in a 5-year relationship.
    At the time i wasnt yet baptised, so my relationship with God wasnt where it is now to be honest, but my dad didnt like him even though they had never met, they only talked on the phone he was okish cause he was like oh your now and whatever,whatever, then he was 100% off it because he was pentecostal (im seventh day adventist, we believe strongly in being equally yoked with whoever we are in a relationship with, and yes its biblical its 2 Corinthian 6:14, just that as adventist i guess you can say we take it further than just believing in God, to having the same doctrinal beliefs.) its weird because this is my third time watching this video but this time i was actually looking more deeply into it because i like this guy now but he isnt like perfect as in everything on my list (except one) but perfect as in the major points that i uphold-thats him. Except that 1. he was raised in Adventist church because of his love for science and philosophy it kinda swayed him away from not believing in God and 2. he said he doesnt see himself getting married, and i date to marry. I know for one that God wouldnt want me to date someone who would actually sway me away from him (even though i believe that will never happen cause ive seen God so heavily in my life that aint nobody can tell me He aint real, and as much as i love science and philosophy also, i dont really indulge in it.) sooooooo what ive kinda concluded is that i should definitley see what God is trying to show me with both of them caaaaaaauuuuuuusssssseeeeeee, a girl aint trynna get her dropped like the last time, i am honestly in not rushing though cause i said i was gonna be single for atleast three years (i put this to remind myself that im gonna be single for three years atleast,not for applause ya girl is good lol) where i just focus on me and God FIRST AND FOREMOST(ok)

  40. This scares me, lol. I’m so attached to my list. And I had a very similar experience with meeting and dating the man of my dreams, but he dumped me probably for the same reasons as you and your situation! I’m not where I need to be but I’m growing by the grace of God. Thanks for the encouragement!

  41. Wow… This is an eye opener for me. I always make that list year in year out. But this year I just find myself struggling to put them down.And I just left it empty! Thank you soooo much maha.I'm leaving that note empty for God to fill it
    And that our 9ja accent

  42. I am 100?% for the list. I just think many of us doesn't understand how to make a list of things we desire in a mate.
    We need to stop meeting "a man" and assuming that he is the one!!
    P.s. My husband is my list to the "T"
    Many of us make huhe mistakes in "dating"
    AMEN!!! God must the THE SOURCE of our list. 👏 👏 👏 👏

  43. This was EXTREMELY clarifying, raw, vulnerable and inspiring!!! Thank you SOOOO much. Please don’t stop uploading these videos. It’s so hard to hear someone who fears God and be vulnerable on YouTube. Thank you so much again

  44. ME:open mind..check

    ALSO ME: But dear LORD!!! AT LEAST LET HIM BE MORE THAN 5'11 woooooh

    lol, I know it's crazy that even after this video I am still hung up on this but 😁😁please please please can we not compromise on those points ooh."

    ALSO ALSO ME: i shd really thrw away the list.


  45. Oh WOW! That's so profound! " Having your own list is like going to the grocery store with someone else's list." That wouldn't work out . Haha…

  46. Thank you for sharing!! I have a very similar story. I met a handsome doctor, really cool and he is a Christian. But I think the conversations revealed where he was. In general, my list keeps changing 🤦🏽‍♀️. It’s so hard to take everyone’s suggestion on what a good list should be so I plan on fasting in all seriousness and just trusting God to refine my list for his glory and for my good.

  47. Maya, you minister to me a LOT! So I'm a guy, but I'm a christian and want to one day go to law school like you. I gotta say that I am a very outcome oriented person and when things don't go my way after the doing the right things (when others don't), I get bitter. I've grown seriously bitter to the point that it's even hard to have friendships. Like I watched your video about frenemies and it's embarrassing to say but I have many of the characteristics of a frenemy (always comparing myself and competing and can't ever really be happy for anyone). The thing Maya is that I am not a BAD human being at all! Can you make a vid about how to get over bitterness in your life?

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