Joe Rogan – Rocky Mountain High – Why Pot Is Illegal

You wanna shit your pants?
Pot cookie. Airplane. That’s a religious experience. It’s available for everyone. Ha-ha, why is it illegal? Pharmaceutical companies
are the big one. They don’t want you to have
weed, because if you had weed, you wouldn’t need
to buy a lot of their shit. If you had weed, you
wouldn’t need sleeping pills. Smoke pot, jerk off, and try
to stay awake, seriously. If you can smoke pot,
jerk off, and stay awake, you should be a Navy Seal. You should be fighting
for freedom. Me, I have a goal
when I smoke pot and jerk off. It’s to stay awake
long enough to remember to let go of my dick. I’ve never got there yet.
I got close a couple of times. I’m like,
“Tonight’s the night.” [snores] Wake up later, aw, man. It’s sad. It’s sad knowing
that you’re gonna do it again. You know, I’m never
gonna [bleep]ing rise above, but it’s only sad because I
live with a wife and kids. If I was alone, I wouldn’t give
a [bleep] about jerking off. It’d be fine and dandy. That’s why hotel rooms
are amazing for men. That’s the only time a man
can truly jerk off in peace. You know where, here’s the door. There’s the bed.
There’s nothing else here. All right, I’m good. So when a man jerks off
in a hotel room, he has two options. Two things to consider,
clean up, or [bleep] it. I always go with [bleep] it. The moment
my load hits my chest, I do a quick gator roll
in the sheets. I find a dry spot,
and I’m out.

61 comments

  1. I don't think pot should be legal because if they did legalize it they (hypothetical marijuana companies) would just do the same thing that the tobacco companies did and put so many chemicals in it so that it becomes increasingly addictive while simultaneously giving you cancer. Lung cancer would be reduced by so much if the only thing in cigarettes was tobacco. I mean, I don't give a shit if you smoke pot or not, I just think that it would be a bad idea to legalize it. I think that it should just be tolerated, I mean, obviously cops have more important things to investigate than weed, like really.

  2. that smoke weed jerk off try to stay awake joke is a verbatim rip off of Katt Williams. I love Joe but that made me cringe so hard. the rest of the bit is funny though. cant wait for it to come out, saw him at the improv in september and his duck dynasty bit that will be in his special is fucking funny. 

  3. This already seems better then the last special. I like Joe's comedy more when he doesn't laugh at his own jokes and tells them seriously, that's what actually draws me in, the performance. 

  4. i've listened to all 3 hours of probably 400+ of rogan's jre podcast, but still i do not find this man's stand up very funny at all. rogan is much funnier during casual conversation

  5. he has vastly improved his material in this special in terms of laugh out loud funny stuff.
    Always a big fan of joe, but I think some of his earlier specials would only appeal to people within the sphere of interests of what would be on jre. But he has surpassed himself and deserves major props for this special.

  6. Joe's standup isn't as bad as people make it out to be. Not my cup of tea at all but I can see that he has dedicated himself to the craft of stand up.

  7. I was thinking " well, at least he's not talking about cum".  What the fuck Rogan? For a guy that talks about working on your comedy like Hemingway on a novel.  Why the hell is your comedy mostly about guys' loads.  And if any one diagrees with this go listen to his other specials. 

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