Medical Breakthrough – SNL

>> THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE
TODAY. >> I’M DR. CONNOLLY, LEAD
RESEARCHER FOR THE FERTILITY FRONTIERS PROJECT.
THIS IS MY BRILLIANT TEAM SUPERVISOR DR. KAREN PRICE.
>> HELLO. >> NINE MONTHS AGO, WE BEGAN
WORKING WITH A COUPLE WHO HAD DIFFICULTY CONCEIVING.
BUT, THROUGH A PROCESS WE CREATED CALLED “PATERNAL
EMBRYONIC GESTATION” AND AN IMPLANTED ARTIFICIAL WOMB, THEIR
DREAMS OF PREGNANCY HAVE NOW COME TRUE WITH ONE SMALL
DIFFERENCE. PLEASE WELCOME SANDRA MATSON AND
HUSBAND DAN MATSON, HISTORY’S FIRST PREGNANT MAN.
MR. MATSON YOU JUST MADE HISTORY.
ANY COMMENTS? >> YEAH, ANYBODY HAVE OLIVES AND
PEANUT BUTTER? I AM HAVING A REALLY WEIRD
CRAVING. IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, WE FEEL SO
BLESSED THAT LIFE FOUND A WAY. >> NOW, IF WE COULD ONLY FIND A
MATERNITY STORE WITH A MEN’S SECTION.
>> NOW I’LL OPEN IT UP FOR QUESTIONS.
YES? >> FIRST, CONGRATULATIONS ON
THIS REMARKABLE ACHIEVEMENT. DR. CONNOLLY, HOW DOES THE MAN
GIVE BIRTH? >> WELL THE PLAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN
A SCHEDULED C-SECTION. >> TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY.
>> BUT THE PLAN HAS CHANGED. >> IT HAS?
>> MY TEAM AND I NOW BELIEVE THAT DUE TO THE FRAGILITY OF THE
ARTIFICIAL WOMB, THE BABY MUST BE DELIVERED NATURALLY THROUGH
MR. WATSON’S URETHRA. >> MY WHAT?
>> WHO ELSE HAS A QUESTION? >> I DO.
>> YES, YOU, SIR. >> HELLO THERE, JUST TO BE
CLEAR, THE BABY WILL COME OUT OF THAT MAN’S –I’M SURE THERE IS A
CLASSIER WAY TO SAY THIS BUT I’M GOING GO WITH P-HOLE?
>> YES. THE ELASTICITY OF THE SKIN, IN
THAT AREA, WILL STRETCH TO ACCOMMODATE THE BIRTH.
HOPEFULLY. >> YOU THINK HOPEFULLY?
>> AH YES, PICTURE A BOWLING BALL GOING THROUGH A TWIZZLER.
>> THAT SAID, WE WILL BE PREPARED FOR POSSIBLE —
TULIPING. >> I’M SORRY, DOCTOR.
WHAT IS TULIPING? >> OH, I CAN THIS.
YOU KNOW, THE BEST WAY TO EXPLAIN IT IS WITH A LOONEY
TUNE’S METAPHOR. SO IF YOU RECALL, WHEN
BUGS BUNNY WOULD PUT HIS FINGER IN ELMER FUDD’S GUN BARREL, WHEN
MR. FUDD WOULD PULLED THE TRIGGER, THE BARREL WOULD BOOSH
OUT, PEEL BACK BY THE PETALS OF A TULIP, HENCE, TULIPING.
OKAY, NEXT QUESTION. YES, THE WOMAN IN THE WRINKLED
SKIRT. >> THAT DETAIL WAS UNNECESSARY.
MRS. MATSON WILL YOU BE PRESENT IN THE DELIVERY ROOM?
>> NOT ANYMORE. NO.
>> WELL, THE DELIVERY ROOM WON’T BE CROWDED.
IT WILL BE ALL HAND ON DECK AND A FEW HANDS IN DECK IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN. >> I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
>> AND LASTLY, WILL MR. MATSON BE GIVEN THE SAME EPIDURAL DRUG
USED ON WOMEN? >> OH, NO.
>> STRONGER PROBABLY. >> UNFORTUNATELY NO EPIDURAL OR
PAIN NUMBING DRUGS CAN BE USED AS MR. MATSON WILL NEED TO PUSH
AT FULL STRENGTH FOR THE 24 HOUR LONG PERIOD.
>> 24 HOURS. IT CAN’T GO ANY FASTER?
>> NOT WITHOUT SIGNIFICANT RISK OF TULIPING.
>> STOP SAYING TULIPING. FINAL QUESTION.
>> YES. FIRST OFF, MR. MATSON,
CONGRATULATIONS. AND I’M SO SORRY.
HOW LONG DO YOU THINK THE RECOVERY PROCESS WILL TAKE?
>> FOREVER. >> HI, I CANNOT BELIEVE NO ONE
HAS ASKED YET. BOY OR GIRL?
>> IT IS A GIRL, WHICH IS GOOD. BECAUSE WE HAVE A LOT OF NAMES,
GIRL NAMES THAT WE LIKE. >> WELL, PICK YOUR TOP THREE.
BECAUSE SURPRISE YOU ARE HAVING TRIPLETS.
MR. MATSON, ANY PARTING WORDS? >> YEAH, I AM WORRIED ABOUT MY
PENIS. >> WE ALL ARE.
THANK YOU.

100 comments

  1. This episode … I don't know how the feel about it. It didn't made me laugh, but I still watch to the end scared of what might happen….

    The wrinkle skirt dough… Got I smile out of me.

  2. If this was the norm and men were the ones giving birth, they would have plan B pills in gumball machines

  3. Well needless to say lads leave it to the professionals ladies keep trooping on, and let's ensure tuliping never become and epidemic because of the weirdest scientists

  4. Good to know it wasn't anti-mpreg, since that will be possible in a few decades (with enough money).

  5. How am I just seeing this? HILARIOUS!! Chad's nasal voice is KILLING me!!๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  6. One question, why haven't they given the woman the pregnancy device because they are physically able to give birth

  7. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ This started out kind of slow but is sooo freaking genius- who wrote this? every detail is f*cking hilarious!

  8. It will feel like coming out of Hyperspace………………………….

    If you know what I mean.๐Ÿ˜ถ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

  9. Question: Mrs Mattson would you be present in the delivery room?
    Answer: Not any more, no. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  10. I remember when this happened. And yes there was tuliping involved. I believe he committed suicide shortly after

  11. Tulips donโ€™t flare out. They have nice curved cup flowers, like a fat champagne glass.

    What they are describing could be lilies. Maybe daffodils. But not tulips.

  12. "Tuliping!!" Is ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

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