haier good evening and welcome to tonight's upload my name's Emma make sure you subscribe a deal we can vlog that a kind of half an hour look into my life and also we do sort of halls and organizations all sorts of stuff so I'm doing an extra upload this week because this week is Mental Health Awareness Week and I thought it would be really nice to kind of sit down and have a little chat with you lot about some of my mental health issues now this isn't gonna be like a video where I'm kind of sobbing and you know kind of pouring out my heart to you this is kind of more like a practical video if you've been suffering too or you are suffering kind of how I got help with my mental health issues and hopefully this could help somebody out there so I will start at the beginning in case maybe you're new I'm 41 I'm a mum to two children and I live in the Midlands I was a teacher for a long time and then I had kind of a back accident which meant that I subsequently gave up my job and I started to blog a full time because for while I was teaching and blogging at the same time so I made the decision to kind of do the blog in which meant I could have more time with the kids and his school runs and that kind of thing so I noticed kind of last year toward the end of last year it had been building up slowly but surely that I just wasn't quite feeling my self I was very snappy I would be quite irrational I would have the highest of highs and the lowest of lows I turned 40 and my children had gone to school so I was like June the day when I was working at home I was by myself quite a lot of the time and the main kind of symptoms were things like for example if I had to go to an event for work I would go and I would come home and I would be terrified about what I had said like things would play over my mind over and over again what did i do what did i say was i stupid do people think I'm stupid do people not like me got to the point of the day before I was due to go anywhere for work I would start to feel sick I would feel sick on the evening getting on the train owed feel really sick I would get there and worse I can easily check the people I would be really conscious that perhaps I didn't quite fit in and that was a big issue for me and I felt I felt pretty I'd say the word would be a bit worthless it didn't feel very good so that was kind of one issue the second issue was the fact that I am in an industry where I am a little bit different okay I am a white lady so obviously I've got all kind of that privilege but compared to the people who mean the Sri I'm not middle-class I have a Midlands accent I'm not super slim I'm not super gorgeous so I was a little bit different and towards the end of 2018 I started to compare myself quite a lot I would compare myself in the way I look I would be up for a job somebody else to be up for a job and they would get it maybe based on the way they looked rather on their kind of audience or their engagement or whatever which is not their problem I have no issues with you know beautiful influences not at all they're gorgeous Olivia I was just kind of looking at myself a bit negative least that was the second issue and the third issue for me was falling which is part of the job it's if you're on social media you're gonna get it it's just inevitable there'll be people watching this now I will give it a thumbs down other people watch is now who will go and talk about it on threads and so or forearm it's fine but then I didn't find it fine the only way I could describe how I felt then was that every comment was like kind of getting at my chink of armor so I had this armor on and every call it would take in a bit a bit and a little bit and a little bit so I felt like I had no armor left at start 2019 I was suffering I wake up in the morning and have like real bad anxiety as I mentioned before I was really really snap a big ghost the doctors and kind of explained all these feelings and she recommended that I started taking b6 which kind of control my hormones a little bit but I felt pretty terrible and there was one incident in a weekend where I saw something on Instagram that affected me so badly that I got in the shower fully clothed and I would not get out the shower in the shower sat on the floor and when this man came and he was like I'm gonna put the shower on I was like you can put the shower on cuz I'm not moving so I was just sat in the shower for hours um and I thought you know what this isn't normal and I think what was holding me back is in the scheme of the world my life is great like I've got a great family got a lovely house I've got a really flexible job and I thought I shouldn't get help because Who am I to go and get help when there's people who've got no money on there people got proper you know proper and illness is like I don't deserve to get help I should just be able to pull my socks up but when I was in that shower sat on the floor there was no socks we pulled up I could not function I was spending more and more time kind of isolating myself from my family on the weekends just kind of lying in bed and I just did oh it wasn't myself so I made the decision to seek some private therapy you can get the therapy on the NHS if you speak to your doctor but I'm kind of in the privileged position that I can afford to pay for private therapy it's not cheap per session and I do go every week now I get a lot of questions out how I decides on my therapy I'll be honest I wasn't in a very great frame of mind I just kind of googled local therapists have a little web through I knew that I wanted a lady to speak to and they kind of whittled it down saw a lady reached out to her she phoned me up we had a phone conversation and I thought right she seems okay and then I went for like a taster session and I've been going every Tuesday for an hour since so January February March 8th my select four months and I will say that I think if I didn't if I hadn't have sought help with the therapist one I would not be doing this job anymore or there's no way I would have been able to have coped I wouldn't have been able to go and to I think I would have been really poorly I think I think I would have been extremely poorly another question that I get asked quite a lot is what happens in a session so I'm not having a cognitive behavior therapy I'm just having like talkie therapy so I will go in and sit down in a lovely room the therapist is opposite knee and we will just talk three things sometimes and I go and I think I've got an if you talk about this me obviously doesn't talk about what am I so I would waste a minute and then as soon as I sit down I just stop talking and they're very good at getting you to talk about stuff that might be worrying you um the first few sessions I find super easy and I came away feeling quite liked but then after that there was a few weeks where I left and I would be very upset and I would come home and I would have a good cry because I've been trying to work through things and unravel things and that was really hard but for me it has really helped with my issues now I don't know if my issues have been around for a long time I don't know if they're related to stuff like my children going to school that's a big change me getting past 40 that's quite a big or is it just to do with industry I don't know but I have worked on the things that I needed to work on and I am a lot better so with regards to travel in you know to events and stuff like that what I do now is if I'm going to an event in London I will tag on the end something else so it might be like I might pop to the big Primark I might go and see a friend but something else that distracts me from worrying about deaf things I might have done so that's really really helped it means that I don't get anxious as much I mean it's still the odd moment I don't get anxious as much when I go to events or when I have to go to London so I feel a lot more confident I'm saying yes to a lot more things especially if they're Birmingham it's in Birmingham and I will say yes because I'll get to go meet new people and it's good exercise in about confidence with regards the constant comparison that I was put in myself and I've just dealt with it in the fact that we're all different good for them but not for me so my audience likes what I do so I don't really need to worry about what anybody else is doing I may be self aware I know I'm never gonna be super slim I know I am probably not gonna be the most successful person in the world I'm very self aware now and I am just focusing on the people that are really good for me and like my friends who are not in the industry I've been seeing them a lot more I'm focusing on that and I've been not endlessly scrolling Instagram worrying what everybody else has done and that has really helped me as well I know this is kind of your problem well this none of this relates to me I just if you watching this in your life right it's constantly scrolling swam okay what anybody else thinks I'm just telling you about my story in case you are thinking getting help and how it's helped me patrol is kind of stuff that crops up ever so often and I've just got a better handle on it now I've kind of designed the set of rules with my husband and with my manager of how I work social media that will help my mental health and it will help me focus help me be positive and the people who enjoy it enjoy it and the people who don't enjoy it don't enjoy it so for example my husband moderates my YouTube comments my manager Paul goes on to any threads or websites and check that a people have been a very inappropriate and that's working really well and the past few weeks I have started to feel a lot better and it kind of took a turn there's been some situations I've been put in and in the past week I've reacted I don't have gotten to bed wait you know not week so under four hours and I've been shouting and screaming and I've looked to the setback thought about it and reacted in a much better way so I just thought you're good to talk to you and as it's meant to help awareness week and just kind of because I know some of you are younger out there and I know that it's always good to see somebody that you can relate to and you see all the time and it's good to know that they also suffer as well and that they find help and that they find it really helpful whatever probably you all suffering from it's a problem for you so even though to some people my problems will seem very small to me and my family they seemed very big the only way I can kind of do an analogy is if you had a broken little finger on your hand i skeeve of all the things to break in your body and all the illnesses to have it's it's it's very very small isn't it but you're not gonna walk around with a little finger for ages are you it's still gonna hurt you're still go to the hospital you still have it you know taped and looked after and you'd still get better so that's how I kind of I've been dealing with my mental health thinking to other people it might be small but to me it's big and I needed to get it sorted um it's it's been hard I'm really glad I did it will I continue having therapy forever probably not possibly I might stop it in the next few months but I now know if anything else crops up in the future that I will be able to go and get help and I wouldn't feel a stigma I wouldn't feel ashamed I wouldn't feel nervous I wouldn't leave it to the point of me lying on the floor sobbing bosmer has been this just baffled so um that's that's it's really helped and it's given me confidence so I will leave in the description box loads of different places that you can get help if you are suffering from any mental health issues you're not alone it's okay to not be okay you know you might be a mom who might be suffering with postnatal depression or you might be a teenager that's you know struggling with some sort of body image issues there's a lot of people out there whose struggle and I just hope if this video reaches one person who decided to leave it and then go and get help then my job here is done I love you lots I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts if you are feeling a bit fed up and I will see you for another 18 like guys


  1. Oh bless ya, this vid is so heartfelt I can bere the thought of the nasty buggers trolling you… here have a bit hug from me, im a homestart volunteer and this will help so many of the families I surport. Love ya . Xx Jan

  2. Glad you are starting to feel better, and thank you for highlighting that therapy is expensive and unfortunately not easily accessible to everyone. 😘 xxx

  3. You are a breath of fresh air in this crazy world of ‘influencers’. I’m so glad you’re feeling better xxx

  4. I admire you so much for sharing your story. I have suffered many years and have had lots of different therapy. I am a teacher and have come to the conclusion that my job is destroying my mental health. I am now working on how I can move out of teaching. I want to write for a living, that is the dream.

  5. Yay! Well done you for sharing. I’ve had counselling a few times after some really bad things happened. I recently had cbt to try and help me accept that I’m now disabled. There’s no shame in getting help. Well five for sharing it takes guts xx

  6. Thank you for sharing your MH journey with us, and talking about it, it’s so important that we all keep talking and expressing about mental health as it effects so many people in so many ways 💚

  7. I've been doing some hypnosis and meditation to help me. I overthink everything and keep going over conversations and situations and think I've embarrased myself or wish I hadn't said something. It's hard to explain, but I live inside my own head and am very critical of myself. Thanks for the video, it's good to know I'm not going mad

  8. I admire you so much! I love how your honest and true to yourself. I'm really struggling at the moment with some parenting problems with my 6 year old and even though I have my husband I feel lonely and like I shouldn't be saying I'm struggling. But you just shown me it's really ok not to be ok. I'm so glad your feeling happier as you deserve it. Also loving the hair!

  9. you are entertaining. I also believe sharing your journey reminds us all the the road looks different for everyone!! Thank you

  10. I don’t often comment on videos but had to say I’m in love with this video! I constantly struggle with complaining myself to other people, I suffer with chronic illnesses and being 34 I look at others and think I should be doing that, I should be working, making something of my life but I’m here ill and I really have times where I beat myself up over it so what you said made so much sense to me. Thank you for sharing 💗

  11. Stephen, please tell Emma she is bloody gorgeous and the majority of us are behind her 100000%. Love ya babbie 💞💞💞

  12. Thanks for sharing. So glad it’s helping you. Personally I love all your content and hope you will never stop vlogging etc x

  13. Fantastic video Emma. So honest and easy to listen too. Just what people need to hear. I'm glad you have found the counselling useful. Have a great Saturday with your lovely family x

  14. Well done for filming this and then posting it. So many people suffer, but we are like swans 🦢seemingly gliding through life but actually paddling like mad under to water to even keep afloat. Well done to your family being so supportive, that is so important but not always the case. It’s hard for anyone else to understand what you are going through, particularly when you don’t understand it yourself. 💞💞

  15. Fastastic upload Emma. Thankyou for sharing. Hope you continue to learn coping mechanisms and to heal. 😘
    With regard to online comments and threads, I do hope your 'team' draw you attention to the very many good things that are written. 😊

  16. This is a really positive video. The pressure you where under is totally understandable. Social media can be very savage. I am glad you are feeling better again. BTW you are very beautiful and successful xx

  17. Well done Emma for having the confidence and strength to do this video, there is a definite difference in you and hopefully you continue to feel better!! Xx

  18. Thank you for talking about this! Especially during Mental Health Week – every week should be mental health week! 🙏🏻

  19. Hats off to you 🎩 for being open. People need to talk more about there mental health. I've been through therapy before and the way I see it it's s a way to better yourself understand yourself and look after Ur mind. We look after our physical health why not mentallly to

  20. Well done for talking about mental health . I have anxiety and depression and every so often I have panic attacks. The more people that speak up about mental health the better 🙂 Wishing you all the best 😃 xx

  21. Like you’ve touched on Emma, I think it’s important to remember your followers follow you because they LOVE you. You’re so relatable, down to earth and “normal” and that’s why so many people follow you. Well done for getting help xx

  22. You are so brave for talking about your mental health. I am happy that you are getting better and seeking the help you need and encouraging other people to not be ashamed of asking for help. Keep up the great work! ❤️

  23. Thank you for sharing – I love your social media platforms, you make me smile. I like to think you're smiling a bit more lately too. X

  24. Love love love you Emma. You are by far my very favorite mommy vlogger. You are always real and honest and funny. You help me so much as a mom dealing with confidence and day to day mom life. Thank you for all that you do. Glad you are feeling better. You look lovely today. I love you lots Emma. Sending you lots of hugs all the way from Texas.

  25. I've had cbt & also saw a therapist for depression, much better now & been off antidepressants for a year & half. It's a dark place to be but with help, there is light at the end off the tunnel. Your beautiful & bubbly & lovely xxx

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