Pumpkin-Smashing Therapy – Mini-Mocks

Have you ever wanted
to get attention and therapy
at the same time? My name is Jessica,
and I founded Smash Pump. It’s a pumpkin
smashing experience. We provide people with the therapeutic benefits
of rage rooms and the attention forum
of Instagram pop-up galleries. I got the idea when I lost
my dream job in advertising, and I just broke
every plate in my house. Little did I know, my roommates were putting me
on their Insta Live, and I went viral. Then I was like,
so what about a stupid job? I just got a million views.
Naturally I asked myself, how do I scale this business
model that I just created? The answer was to create
his authentic, cathartic experience that was
visceral, juicy, and orange. Turns out pumpkin emulate
the same basic structure as a human skull.
That crack, the crunch. It’s satisfying
on an animalistic level. I don’t condone violence
in any way, but I do endorse closure. Is a placebo really a placebo
if it works every time? Some people say that
the adrenalin rush reminds them of going to a shooting range, so I said, “Good idea,”
and got a gun license. Most New Yorkers are anti-gun
until they feel the impact that shotgun blast
has on their follower account. It’s hard to argue with numbers.
To make it even more personal, customers can opt to work
with an artisanal carver to design the scariest thing
that they can think of. Oftentimes, it’s an ex. Fire in the hole. Just like that,
annihilate your nightmares. We’re so confident
in our business model that we provide a life
for post guarantee, which means that
if your Smash Pump post doesn’t break your average
like count, you don’t pay. It’s what I like
to call paying attention. Because we’re a net
zero waste company, all the pumpkin pieces
are up-cycled into your very own pie, which you can take home
with you at the end the day. We call that being
Karma neutral. It’s like carbon neutral,
but more Buddhist. Some people say that we’re
the most narcissistic generation to have ever lived. People have always been obsessed
with themselves. We’re just honest about it.


  1. Lets play a game if you like halloween better keep the likes even if you like christmas better keep it odd

    Im not asking for likes ita simply a game so plz no hate

  2. The greatest thing about mini-mocks is how they REALLY feel real. That's what make them so funny.

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