Self Esteem Advice x Boot Mini Haul!

Hey ladies, how’s it going? I have a fun video for you today. I’m gonna combine two things. Shopping with self-confidence advice. So you know these are not gonna be your average
every day boots ladies. Okay, this is not an average every day bitch
talking to you right now. So we don’t have average every day boots. For an average every day bitch. Okay? What we’re gonna talk about today is two things. One, I did do a boot haul, I’m actually not
showing every single thing I got, but I’m gonna show you three that I think are really
relevant to the advice I’m giving today. And then the advice is, it’s gonna be around
this idea of learning how to not take positive or negative feedback personally, more specifically
we might even call it complimentary versus insulting feedback. Sometimes you get compliments, sometimes people
are insulting, sometimes it’s positive, sometimes it’s derogatory. As long as you’re internalizing both versions,
you’re at the mercy of those words. But there’s another way to go about it that
helps release you from it a bit, and I wanna tell you about it because I have found it
benefits me immensely to not get so hurt and offended by what people say to me or say about
me. But if this sounds interesting to you, and
you wanna see some really rad boots, and you wanna get some self-confidence advice around
this, then just keep watching. And before you refill your coffee, ’cause
you’re like yeah, I wanna see what this bitch has to say about boots and self esteem, make
sure before you go and do that, smash that subscribe button, join with me here on YouTube,
help me grow my channel. I have no other purpose than to bring to you
love and light and glitter as women. You are my passion in life, you are my divine
purpose, and you know what girl, it’s hard to grow YouTube channels. So please, if you’ve landed on this video,
and you like me, or you like my video, or you think there’s some change that you’re
gonna like a few more videos after this, please smash the subscribe button for me and let’s
get into this glitter extravaganza that is watching videos by crazy ass Miss Roxy Star,
okay? Let’s jump in. I know that even though you are dying to know
how to love yourself more and have a better day every day, I know women, and you’re also
like bitch, can we see at least the first pair of boots before we dive into the deep
side of self reflection? Ooh, but which one do we do? What do we do? Okay, I’m gonna start with these right here. So these are actually Nanette Lepore, I think
I’m saying her name right. Here they are. How cute is that? So I would say the heel is about two and a
half inches, at most. I bought some lower heels this time just ’cause
so much of what I’m doing right now lately I just need a slight … yeah that’s about
a two inch heel. So it’s leather, it’s got the studded bow,
and then this very structured opening at the top that’s very much everything you’re seeing
in 2018 right now at this time of year and just jet black. I think they would be super cute with mini
skirts and tights, big chunky sweaters with jeans, and so on and so forth. I’ll try to style out some outfit ideas over
time and maybe show you what I decided to do with them, but here’s the first boot of
the video, that’s the boot haul side of what we’re doing today. So here’s the first part of the advice. I’m gonna start with the compliment side of
things, ’cause that’s what’s gonna open your mind to why this works so well. You already know when somebody says something
insulting to you, how you normally respond, and how that feels. But this part will be new to you. Here’s what I want you to learn how to do. When somebody gives you a compliment, that
isn’t related to your inner-most soul, that’s not deeply related to who you actually are,
I want you to immediately recognize that that compliment isn’t about you. And that you should receive it giving credit
to where it actually goes. You can still enjoy the compliment, but you’ve
gotta make it not about you. Okay, what the fuck are you talking about
Roxy? That makes no sense. So let me get into an example. Let’s say I’m wearing these new boots. My new Nanette Lapore boots I dropped some
money on, I think they’re pretty bad ass, I’m feeling pretty swanky in them, I’m like
yeah. I’m that bitch. I am that bitch in my bad ass boots, and I’m
walking around town feeling like yep, coming through. Here I am, in my boots. And somebody says to me, oh my god, your boots
are so cute. Or oh my gosh, those boots are awesome. Those look so cool. We are programmed to go oh my god, thanks. And we immediately light up, and we’re grateful
for the compliment, and it feeds this sensation of like, that we were already feeling good. If I’m already walking around in my boots,
feeling like I look pretty damn hot, and then somebody’s like oh my god girl, those boots
are so cute on you, I’m just gonna feel that much better. But there’s a different between the two. First of all, one is fueled by me on the inside,
and the other is fueled by something exterior, right? And it’s really important for you to learn
how to understand your self worth, and what makes you feel good about yourself internally,
so that you can really hang on to it, and protect it, and rely on it because exterior
feedback is volatile. And not always dependable either. So the first designation I wanna make there
is the difference between those two. When I’m walking around feeling fabulous in
this, it’s because I think in my mind, when I put these on and I looked in the mirror,
and I thought I looked fly as hell, that registered in my mind as a truth, from my inside, my
heart, my mind. A very reliable one. I think I look bad ass in these boots, bitch. Okay, that’s coming from me. That’s a valid opinion about myself that I
can hold onto. The person saying to me that they think the
boots are super cool is, they are telling me that opinion from their frame of reference. From their mind’s eye, and their life experiences,
and their point of view, and all that sort of stuff. It’s not good or safe to internalize things
that come from other people that’s completely subjective to their life and their experience
and their opinion of you and how well they know you or don’t know you or what kind of
day they’re having or what their childhood was like, or whatever. It’s two different sets of criteria, two different
sets of data for your mind to process. And you really wanna learn first of all, for
this whole thing to work, how to recognize internal feel good and feel good. Because the internal feel good is the long
game. The external compliment is the short win. It’s the short boom, win for the day, I got
a nice compliment. That’s great. But the internal game is the long term. And that’s where you really start winning
at life and feeling good about yourself. You’ve got to put your focus and your energy
into the part of that experience that’s coming from inside of you. That’s the first part. So that means now we gotta get to another
boot. Another boot. Oh you guys, the second I put these on in
the store, I had the most David Bowie, Madonna, Prince moment right there in the store. These are next. I don’t know, I hope you’re getting some good
glitter here. Because if not, the whole thing is lost. I have no idea if you are. So this the boot, I really liked the kitten
heel. This is just a super good height for hours
on end, long days, and stuff like that. I’ve just gotten more and more where I’ve
tried to like keep the really tall stilettos for shorter periods of time, just because
I have worn heels my whole life, my feet are super angry about it as it is. They like to take a little bit of a break
now throughout the week, so I’m trying to find more and more heels that are lower so
I can alternate those with my super tall heels. One of the things I do really love about this
boot is the heel. I also love that it’s just like an elastic
pull-on kind of boot. I think it takes it down to a casual level
a little bit, almost like a Chelsea boot. Because if you have this much bling, and this
much, it’s like a suede, if you have this much going on, and it didn’t have that, it
would make it super dressy. And I feel like because it’s got this kind
of Chelsea boot vibe, stretchy, slip-on thing here, it does take it down a bit to where
it’s like okay, you could rock it with some jeans and a super rad top and not feel like
you have to be going to a holiday party to wear them. But let’s face it, it’s me. I don’t ever wait til anything holiday or
appropriate or specific to glitter or sparkle. Wear this when you wanna wear it girl, wear
it to 7-Eleven if that’s where you run your errands. Wear it to pick up the kids from school. Who cares? Wear it to the grocery store. Just wear it. So this is the second boot you guys, I love
it. It’s actually like a vegan suede, so it’s
not real suede, but it certainly looks it. It’s by this brand, I don’t know who they
are, but they had a bunch of cool stuff at the store. There was like one other pair I really wanted. They go by Azura, A-Z-U-R-A Italian Fashion. What I think it actually is is just a really
strong attempt to not … … is just like really, a really strong attempt
to knock off fashion of the Italian sort and make it affordable. This isn’t super high-end expensive footwear,
but it’s certainly designed and made to look like it is, and all the pieces of theirs that
I saw were pretty badass, actually. They do a really good job as far as I can
tell of combining the glam and the price point. There’s actually one pair still there that
I’m going to have to go get because they just won’t leave my dreams, basically. They’re stalking me in my dreams. I need them. That’s this boot. Super fired up about it. So sexy and glittery. Here’s the next part of this advice. When you get compliment wearing … I’m going
to pick this back up. Let’s say I get a compliment wearing these
boots, and this is really the heart of this advice, and somebody says to me, “Oh, my god. I love your boots. Oh, my god. Those boots are so cool,” I immediately remind
myself, and it’s liberating, trust me, it’s not a bad thing, this person just complimented
my boots, not me. Again, “Hey, oh, my god. I love your boots. They’re just so cool.” “Thanks, girl. I know. I love them. Aren’t they amazing? I just got them.” Okay, that’s maybe the exchange, but the first
thought I have right after that exchange is that person did not just compliment me. She just complimented my boots. She did not compliment me. She complimented my boot. Now, you might be like, “Girl, I mean, like,
life’s hard enough. Now you’re going to take away our damn compliments? We can’t even enjoy our compliments? I can’t even have that in my day?” It’s not that I want to take that away, ladies,
it’s just that it’s about disconnecting from something that isn’t about you. That is more important than feeling like your
fancy boots are about who are you as a person. Here’s the simple part of it, the first part
of the equation. It’s true. It’s true, right? She’s not complimenting you as a person. She’s not complimenting who you are or why
you’re amazing or what’s impressive about you and her perception of you. She literally is walking by you seeing a badass
pair of boots, stopping and noticing them and saying to whatever is attached to the
boot, “Oh, my god. Those boots are so awesome.” She’s not complimenting you. She’s complimenting your boots. Now, as a side note, it is a compliment anyway
because your badass self has selected and put on those boots and worn them out of the
house like Nancy Sinatra, so yes, absolutely, it’s still a compliment. I’m not saying that that part doesn’t exist,
but it’s a byproduct compliment. It’s an auxiliary compliment that happens
to go along with the main compliment, which is toward the boot, not you. I want you to think about that because if
you start doing that and you disassociate from those things having anything to do with
you as a person, then when something negative and horrible comes your way, and somebody
says something really terrible to you that’s not fair and shouldn’t have been directed
at you but has to do with their issues, you will then more easily be able to deflect that
also. The idea is to become good at deflecting all
of it as not being about you as a person and it all being kind of out here. If you can do that across the board, then
it’s easier all the way around, and the tough stuff is easy to let it bounce off of you. If somebody comes up to you and says, “You’re
one of the most genius people I’ve ever met. The speech you just gave was phenomenal,”
their opinion is still subjective, so you do need to keep that in mind also in a similar
fashion, but they’ve obviously just complimented your genius, which is specific to you and
unique to you, and therefore is very much about you, so take this in context. Don’t overgeneralize and come for me and be
like, “No, but this and this and that and that.” I’m not saying that deeply personal compliments
don’t exist. What I’m saying is let those be what they
are and realize that most feedback coming in is either surface or not really about you,
it’s really just the dress you’re wearing or not really worth being a recipient of because
it’s something negative coming from somebody who has no business being that way to you
anyway. Let’s get on to the last pair of boots that
I got, but again, I’m feeling very David Bowie-inspired. Here is the final boot that I’m going to show
you guys this evening. This white chunky-heeled, studded zipper boot. This could not be more trendy. This is the definition of the word trendy
in 2018 right now is the white boot. I mean, it’s so over the top. My one fear is that I’m extremely hard on
shoes, and I actually never really spend a lot of money on shoes anyway because I do
not know how to take care of them. The second I leave out the door, I am doing
something to screw up a shoe, so I can’t really spend a lot of money on them anyway because
I beat the crap out of them. I’m leery for that reason of the white. There’s just so many chances that I’ll wear
these once and totally fuck them up. I don’t know. But in any event, this is the final boot of
the evening. This is very Bowie goes 2018 studded white
boot that I think is so rad I can’t hardly stand, and I will definitely link them in
the description box below. If they haven’t sold out, you’d be able to
go and buy them if you wanted. Let’s get to the last part of the advice that
I’m talking about on how to see all compliments and insults as basically the same. I’ve explained to you, and hopefully, it’s
enlightening and it’s helping you. If somebody compliments your dress, the color
of your lipstick, your shoes, your car, your house, any of those things, just know that
they are complimenting that thing. I want you to learn to do that because once
you can get that figured out, it grounds you into not internalizing stuff from the other
side of the spectrum. That’s where things really start to become
magic. Let’s say somebody comes up to me and says,
we’ll keep it still simple, like … Trying to think of something funny or something stupid
somebody would say, like five-year-old. Let’s say I’m wearing these. These would be the easiest to make fun of
because they’re so over-the-top. Let’s say I’m wearing these boots out, and
they’re super over-the-top, and somebody sees them who doesn’t think they’re cool, doesn’t
think they look great, doesn’t see the beauty in them that I do and really just thinks that
they’re either stupid or overly trendy or just has some opinion about it. Let’s say that that person comes along and
is walking by me, and having a bad day or whatever, and just comes up and is like, “Are
you serious with those boots? Those boots are so fucking stupid. What are you, walking on the moon in an hour? What are you doing? Those boots are dumb.” If somebody were to come up and say that to
me …Well, I don’t know if they would because I’d probably smack a bitch, but let’s just
say for the sake of argument that somebody would have the audacity and insanity to approach
me and say something like that, which I would not advise, if they did, and I’m already in
the practice of not seeing my compliments about my boots as about me, it’s much easier
then for me to not see that insult about me. If she comes up, and she’s like, “Those boots
are horrible. Those are stupid. Those are the ugliest boots I’ve ever see,”
you might be quick to take that in and think she’s attacking you, your taste, the fact
that you picked them out, that somehow you’re responsible for it, almost like you designed
them, and you feel really bad because somebody just shredded you because she didn’t like
your boots. But it’s the same premise, and that is why
it’s super important not to internalize because you can then stop immediately. If I was in that situation, I would stop and
say two things. One, it’s about the boots, not me. That person doesn’t know me. She literally just hates my boots. She hates the boots I’m wearing and thinks
they’re the worst piece of fashion she’s ever seen in her life, and she’s going to tell
me about it. Okay. Immediately, that frees me from it because
I’m like, just like the compliment isn’t about the boots, or isn’t about me, and it is about
the boots, the insult isn’t about me and is about the boots. You get the idea. The other aspect of it is, than the part I
said at the beginning, which is the internal and the external. Let’s say I put the boots on, and I don’t
really feel that great wearing them. I don’t feel like they look super cool. I don’t feel super rad in them. I don’t feel like I’m on trend. Just don’t feel good in them. That is something I can decide to work on
within me because that feedback coming from myself is okay to ponder and asses and go,
“Okay, well, is it that I don’t like it, or is it that I’m self-conscious, or is it,”
whatever it is, you can then decide that that feeling of not liking it is worth your time
because it’s you. Why don’t you like it? I don’t know. It could be you need to figure that out because
they were $50 and you want to get your damn money back because you don’t like them. It could be because you’re dealing with a
huge self-esteem battle right now and you know that it kind of signifies, “Wow, I don’t
really feel like I look good in anything.” Then that’s a deeper issue. In both cases, your opinion on that and how
you feel about that is relevant and important for you. But if it’s external, like with the chick
saying, “I don’t like your boots. They look really stupid.” … like with the chick saying, you know,
I don’t like your boots, they look really stupid, those are the ugliest boots I’ve ever
seen. Then you, again, like I was saying at the
beginning, want to realize, that is not only outside of you, but it’s very intrinsic to
whatever is going on with them. It’s really dangerous to let people’s feedback
affect you, because it is so intrinsically affected by them. It’s not the right criteria by which to asses
you. For example, let’s say I am … Let’s try
to use a really simple example to kind of wrap it up. Let’s say I go to a store. I’ll be the bad guy in this one. Let’s say I go to a store. We’ll keep it simple, like a Starbucks or
something, right? Let’s say I go to the store. I am grumpy, I didn’t sleep well the night
before, I got an email that was upsetting to me as soon as I parked my car. I’m running late, I haven’t eaten, my head
is hurting, I just got an upsetting text. Let’s say all of this is going on, right? And I go into a Starbucks to order coffee. By the time I get to the person who is taking
the order, I’ve been behind three other people. I’m impatient, I’m grumpy, and I’m just bitchy. Let’s just say I’m a complete bitchy, like,
bitchy-bitch-bitch. You know? Like, order my coffee with an attitude, be
really rude, be really offensive, and then maybe pop off with some insult of some sort
there. Like, “Well, if you knew what you were doing
and you were somehow able to do your job, I wouldn’t have waiting in line so long. Can you please hurry this up?” Let’s say that happens, right? Is that really about that person? Is that really about that cashier? Is it about who she is deep on the inside? Is it about her intrinsic values? Is it about her heart? Is it about her mind? Is it about her ability to do her job? Is it about any of that? No. It’s not. It’s about the person projecting it out. That’s my point. When people give you any sort of incoming
information, it’s all influenced by whatever is going on inside of them. I know it’s like, huh, if I’m going to wear
these white boots and these black sparkly boots and these black studded boots, I want
all the compliments, all of them. How many compliments can you give me for my
boots? Keep giving them to me. More, more, more compliments. Yes, it would be nice to accept all those
compliments and make them about you and about who you are, but they’re not. They’re complimenting this, not this. What you want to learn to do is just be you,
be expressive, be who you are, do what you do, love yourself, work on yourself, learn
to appreciate what’s great about you, learn to understand what you think is not great
about you, learn to rely on that internal monitor more than anything external, and just
basically start to work on this idea every day. The reason I want you to practice it is because
there will come a time when some sort of incoming behavior toward you will be a lot harder to
deal with, right? Like, I had recently a few interactions that
really were an affront to me. Like, I did not like the way these people
were treating me. I did not like their attitude toward me. I didn’t like their energy, I didn’t like
their vibe. It was really kind of bothersome. Not like lose sleep over it, but you know,
bothersome in the moment, and didn’t sit well with me, because it was just also rude and
catty and immature. But you know, because it had a little bit
of an escalated feeling to it because there was more than one person, and it was kind
of like, oh, this is a little bit dicey, like, there’s a few of you and I don’t really like
the way this feels, it triggered more, right? I guess basically what I’m saying is, you
want to practice this at the lower level, because then when you deal with a situation
that’s more triggering and triggers at a more intense level, this will actually work for
you. Ultimately, it didn’t take me very much time
at all, like, at all, to disengage. Stepped away from it, reprogrammed my thought,
reminded myself, this has nothing to do with you, Roxy. Like, this is completely external to whatever
drives them to be those kind of individuals, and whatever drives them to be judgmental
or whatever. In literally no time flat I was able to just
walk away from it and go, “I just don’t need to give this energy.” It doesn’t mean it won’t bother you. Like, I don’t want to give you the false impression
that it won’t bother you at all. Upsetting things are always going to bother
you a little bit. This is about mitigating that, and making
sure that the level of bother is very, very minimal. Yes, it bothered me. Yes, I had to contend with it in my mind and
think, “Okay, that’s a feeling I don’t like. What do I need to do?” But ultimately, I was able to disengage from
feeling bothered about it and upset about it, and immediately reprogram it and go, “This
has nothing to do with me.” This can work wonders if you learn how to
do it. It’s meant to just be a baseline way to start
teaching yourself to detach so that you can stay steady in yourself all day and feel good,
and not get bumped around, you know, like one of those balloons at a concert, just … If
you continue to always let the good and the bad influence how you feel about yourself,
you’re going to be one of those balls, right? Just bam, bam. Sometimes it’s fun, whee, it’s flying through
the air and it’s happy, and sometimes somebody’s not paying attention, and it hits the ground
and it goes out of rotation until someone steps on it and finds it again and boosts
it back up, right? Boosts it up, and then there it goes and it’s
happy and it’s flying through the air at a concert. Ultimately, it’s completely subjective to
everything around it, right? Like, as opposed to if it was just sitting
… This metaphor is getting super crazy and weird, but I’m going to keep going with it,
because it’s kind of good. As opposed to as if it was just sitting in
its own chair watching the concert, right? It was just having its own nice time and not
getting bumped all over the place by everybody. That’s what I’m saying. Don’t be a bouncy ball at a concert. I don’t even know. Well, you know, maybe what made me think about
it, you guys … These are concert boots. I’m going to go and pretend I meant to pull
that all around together like that, because I didn’t but I think it works. Because let’s be real, how perfect are these
for concert outfits? Like, this is going to a show gear if I ever
saw it. Okay. Anyway, that’s all I have to say today about
any of this. I hope it helps. If you like the video and you enjoy seeing
stuff like boot hauls and you love getting advice on self-esteem, please smash the subscribe
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then I know that you actually liked it. And I love comments, so if you have any thoughts
on this video, I want to know. I want to know what you think of this idea
of not fully accepting compliments. I want to know what you think of this idea
of that helping you to deflect insults. I want to know what you think of this in general. I also want to know what you think of the
boots. There’s three pair. What’s your favorite, one, two or three? One, Nanette Lepore with the bow. Two, faux suede with the sparkle. Three, white with the stud. That’s it for now, ladies. I hope this has been helpful. I love you, I believe in you. You are wonderful, you are beautiful, you
are powerful, you are strong. I’m here on this earth to try and help you. I’m going to do what I can little by little,
day by day, with the big goal in the long run to make a difference in your life. You mean so much to me simply because you
do. You just do. It’s just the way I’m built. It’s just the way my heart is. I know this is my path in life. Thank you so much for watching this video. I truly made it for you, not for me, because
I love you and I want you to have something to rely on that is fun and feminine and fierce,
to help you get through this thing we call life. I’d love to stay and keep talking, but I just
got all these boots, and I haven’t even got to try them on because I needed to make a
video for you first, and I’m so excited about them. I just got them all, and I couldn’t even touch
them or feel them because I was waiting to do this haul video. Now I’m done and I can do what I want. Got to go.

2 comments

  1. i loved your video…your boots are amazing,,,can i stay down your shoes all day long pleaze….promise i would be good boy 🙂

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