Shy vs. Social Anxiety



fact about me as a child I was so shy I didn't answer the telephone until I was like 12 years old and the first time I did I answered it hello and then I froze I completely froze and the person got so mad on the other line and just started saying hello hello who is this hello and then I just hung up the phone here's the question do you think you can do a video on shyness and social anxiety well yes because you're watching it this is actually something that psychologists and scientists are still trying to puzzle out in terms of where shyness ends and social phobia begins when it comes to social phobia or social anxiety around 15% a people would probably meet the qualifications for that unlike just general shyness social phobia or social anxiety is it's better known is something that is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of psychiatric disorders it is a recognized clinical condition I also wanted to talk about this side note for a moment because of a comment trends that I noticed watching video youtuber videos talking about their own social anxiety terming it social anxiety for people like zoella and beauty crush there's a lot of contention that quickly crops up in comments about oh well what they're dealing with is nothing compared to what I'm dealing with and they just need to shut up because they're just minimizing the problems that I'm experiencing and a lot of like negativity almost social anxiety one-upmanship that I would encourage you all to not engage in people who are doing that want their experiences validated and I will say right now your experiences in your emotions surrounding social interaction and avoidance Sarab are absolutely valid picking a fight in a comment section is simply not worth anyone's time when it comes to this interaction of shyness and social anxiety a lot of the research that I read suggested that we think of it more on a spectrum I have come to realize that while I often reference my own social anxiety just kind of as a general term I don't think I could fit the qualifications for social phobia I am very shy I also deal with generalized anxiety and the two meet if I am going to hang out with someone whom I'm might not it might just be it an acquaintance level I'm not SuperDuper comfortable with you I will be practicing talking points in my head possibly days beforehand I will get really nervous I will experience a flush when I start to talk to you the big difference when it comes to shyness and social phobia it's more of how it impacts you behaviorally on the studies and articles that I read about the science of shyness and social phobia there were five big differences between the two that jumped out to me first one being that people who have social phobia social anxiety usually report more social fears common things like public speaking or being in classroom situations going to parties where you have to make small talk secondly while people who are just shy and people who are socially anxious might have a lot of pre socialising symptoms a lot of that anxiety there might be physical symptoms you might get an upset stomach avoidance is a big difference because shy people more often than not will still go through with whatever kind of situation they are dreading people who have social anxiety are likelier to avoid those situations at all costs if there are big differences reported quality of life so people who describe themselves as shy tend to report having a better quality of life than people who are socially anxious or experienced social phobia fourth there is a heterogeneity of shyness shyness can describe so many more people in a way than social phobia use shyness to describe everything from mislabeling what is simply introversion and a lot of people who are introverted aren't actually shy to people who have debilitating social phobias if if big difference comes down to actually performing in social situations a lot of times people who are shy might be really nervous but when it comes down to it our small talk might be a little bit awkward and stilted but it usually is okay people who are socially anxious usually don't perform as well there are more physical symptoms that go along with that shyness this is a real true psychological condition and something that requires therapy sometimes and sometimes even medication to help our brains and our mouths connect another big thing that jumped out to me though in reading about shyness and social anxiety is that we're still learning so much more about these two things and how they interact and what they really are and where they come from we still have a lot to learn not only in terms of how nature and nurture interact to produce social anxiety but also how to overcome those kinds of things personally one thing that I am trying to do more of in my life is make myself uncomfortable in the sense of putting myself in social situations that I kind of dread it's really really really good practice if you are someone who is shy I also recognize that there are socially anxious people out there who do where the advice of like buck up and just get on out of the house that's not gonna happen understanding how it works and the research that's out there and what scientists know and don't know can be helpful for understanding when those symptoms trigger what is going on biologically physiologically psychologically to make you feel all of those all of those fields now I need your help I want to know what your experiences with shyness social anxiety all those different things what you think about the differentiation between these terms what do you do to manage these kinds of things in your life how do you maintain a high quality of life and also deal with social anxiety or shyness let me know in the comments below and hey ask me some questions I need y'all's questions so I can answer them thanks everybody who watched and commented on last week's ask Cristen video teetotalers just want to have fun kimberly allen says as a non-drinker when I attend parties I hang around till it gets boring so basically when people are stumbling all over the place unless I'm sober driving in which case I try to find a cat or dog and hang out and play with them Marina pilots offered this tip volunteering to be the designated driver in my experience helps a lot to prevent social alienation at parties people then generally praise and respect you for making sure your friends got home safely at the end of the night thanks everybody blah kisses look kisses who are you

31 comments

  1. I was always the quiet kid that sat in the corner when I was going to school and even when I was little it was hard for me to make friends, I was super awkward. I had always thought I would get over the shyness I was experiencing at the time, but as I am getting older I feel as though it has gotten worse. I was at least able to go to soccer practice and school but it’s gotten to the point now (I’m 21) to where I am just really scared to do anything, especially when it involves people. I’m mostly a home body now and usually make promises to my friends stating I’m going to go out but actually end up canceling last minute. I feel like everyone thinks of me as a flake and I no longer have any friends as they all kinda gave up, as did I in a sense. It’s been rough and I have tried going to therapy, I haven’t been able to find a good therapist and am just starting to feel like I’m just being stupid. I mean everyone else can do normal things like go out and have a drink with friends but to me that’s something that would give me a panic attack. Idk I’ve been feeling like complete shit lately. I feel almost held back.

  2. I have been professionally diagnosed with social anxiety and boy if I had a dollar for every time I literally started crying or threw up in social situations, I don't hear about ppl doing that much tho so is it just me or does anyone else do that

  3. I have SAD but whenever it comes to hanging out with friends i feel like I HAVE to go or they will be mad at me and judge me and hate me. I don’t want to do it whatsoever and hope I can get sick or make up an excuse. It’s weird. But if it comes to ordering food or something like that than I will avoid it.

  4. I have two questions, can you develop social anxiety? Like… If you move to a different country with a different language and then you start having every single symptom that you've read about social anxiety, including the one that you feel like you're watching everything in third person. Also… Can you still have friends? Because, I'm so confused with everything I really want to see if I have it or not. I have 2 friends, it stills difficult to me to talk with them but it's easier, now, I escaped from one of their birthdaya because there was too much people and I wanted to vomit. (she lied about inviting other people and then she invited at least 30 persons) as I said, every other sing of having social anxiety fits on what I feel and… I really want to know.

  5. Just shy (ish) for me, no SAD. Honestly I'm pretty gosh darn surface-level out going but I can't cope with confrontation. For alot of people asking for help (or even just accepting it), alerting someone of an issue or telling someone I think they did something wrong isn't a huge issue. I was supposed to talk to my Geometry teacher about getting help but I managed to avoid it the entire year by never piping up or interacting with him (I'm really chatty in every other class). I once went to the math center to get help but I wasn't sure what exactly I needed help with so I just left. I once made a really shitty edgy joke to a friend who I though might have been insulted so instead of asking him if he was ok I just acted like nothing happened even though it's still slowly eating away at my soul to this day. A friend asked me about my music taste but I didn't want to come off cringe so I asked about her's (this sucked as I desperately wanted to share). This guy on the train was making murder eyes at me the entire ride but I didn't want to offend him by moving so I just sat there. I think this is also a product of chronic procrastination. I'm currently procrastination from writing my AP World teacher an email for a retake by writing this comment. I want to ask my friend out since we get out early tomorrow but I also don't want to and I don't know why. I'm genuinely more prepared to lose a friend than beg for them to stay. I fucking despise eye-contact too, why is it the norm? It makes everything feel longer than it needs to be. The worst part is I can't explain why I don't want to do things. I just don't and let people force me to do things or lash out.

  6. My issue is that, if I miss something, like a class, then I won't go to that class afterwards because I'm afraid that people will notice that I was absent and call me out on it. It's so hard for me to deal with the idea that someone might judge me for missing the class, that I'll avoid going to that class just so I don't have to face the judgment. And then, the cycle just keeps repeating…

  7. (I have no idea if I have this issue or not but) One thing that I found when I was younger, is that it if I ever went to the shops to buy something, I was so afraid that I didn't have enough money. No matter how many times I counted my money, I was too afraid to buy anything in case I was short. Nowadays I know I have enough for little things, but if I take too long to get it from my bag my hands shake and it takes even longer. At parties or gatherings, I can't move from where I'm standing unless someone asks me to, I am too afraid to get something to eat or drink because it feels like it's not meant for me. If someone brings me a drink or food, I will be left with rubbish in my hand for the whole rest of the night. I avoid talking to most people because if I do or say something stupid, I never forget it and it keeps me up all night. I don't go places when I am invited. I also still can't answer the phone (I'm 19) and if do, I break down after I have hung up, Don't ask for details on what that looks like. But I thought this was just because I was a child, but now I am an adult and I don't know what was meant to happen to make me behave like a proper adult.
    I hope no one can relate, I have realised its probably not normal and I get sick of feeling so far below everyone else, but you believe what your parents teach you. If you read this don't worry though because I am seeing a psychologist soon for more physical reasons, but if I am brave I might be able to say something about this too ^-^ stay safe

  8. I always thought of myself as a shy person, and it has kind of developed on into a form of social anxiety.
    I began at new school last summer and I didn’t know anyone in my class at all. I was extremely nervous down to the point where I couldn’t sleep and I almost cried every time I thought of it. When I actually met all my new class mates for the first time everything was fine, I was calm and in control. Then we were going to do some name-games to get to know each other. I started shaking like crazy, I tried to calm myself down while I waited for my turn. As it got closer to my turn I actually had calmed down a bit and I thought; hey think might be okay. But no, that wasn’t the case. I completely froze up, everyone was staring at me and I couldn’t take it, my voice started to tremble and my eyes started to water. I had to leave the room in order to breathe properly. This happened several times in different classes. I am now extremely scared to meet new people.
    I can’t talk to anyone (except a few close friends) without shaking. I NEVER talk to strangers, I can’t order food or anything by myself, I can’t even say thank you when the cashier tells me to have good day. I just can’t form any words.
    Would you call this social anxiety?

  9. Can anyone relate with thinking you’ll never find love bc Seriously I don’t even dare to show interest just bc I fear I’ll just embarrass myself and shit like that. I have still never had a relationship or even a chance for it and even though I know I’m impossible I still wanna feel loved but idk can anyone relate

  10. I’m pretty social but only bc I got over it. In the past I couldn’t look ppl in the eye, approach them or talk to them if they didn’t approached or involved me first. And even tho I can talk normally I say impulsive and stupid things bc of the stress. I still can’t sit besides ppl I know or don’t ifthey don’t invite me or do it themselves and even tho I am fine in the first meeting if ppl don’t approach me after knowing them a while I always think they hate me so I either ask them if I did anything wrong or I ignore them so they don’t have to be bothered by me anymore but it makes me feel really bad. If someone I consider my friend is annoyed with me, doesn’t sit beside me or things like that I immediately feel quilts they’re stuck with me and wonder if they’re finally done with me. I’m here bc of that btw bc I annoy my friend as of late. But I talk quite a lot and have not much trouble with new ppl so I’m not sure what it is exactly

  11. Off topic kinda but still on topic? But uh does anyone else have to say something at school and say it in their mind in a strong voice but when they speak outloud it's quiet and you can barley tell what's been said…

    Cause that's my life…

  12. Hi, I’m Amish and I have social problems.. I really enjoyed your video and your attitude.. 😃😃We have to laugh at our social anxieties.. I think that’s when we start getting better. And always pray to Jesus regardless how bad we’re feeling.. God bless you!

  13. Christine I like your videos and specially your exclaimatory expression .
    The perfect way of conversation to deliver your expression perfectly to its fullest
    While males are required to be more composed .Females can take advantage of their faminity in to practice the art of expression
    While there is another disadvantage in expressiveness is you allow others to read you or in other words make yourself more readable !! Ha ha ha..
    Anyway I very much like your American loudness .
    Unlike British composure it is another way of conversation .

  14. I think i'm just shy, but toxic people around me make me feel getting worst. I'm feel stress and angry when i meet them, even though just thinking about them. But my mom always push me to meet them because they are my annoying relatives. It happen for many years. I always worried about how inferior me with others, i should ignore that, but i found they gossip me & their face expression drug me down, and make other people thinking i'm weird too. Some people yelling around my house and mock me, and when i'm going to around them, their eyes telling that they don't like me, but i'm good girl, i'm just shy, what's wrong with that. One of my parents is kind of person who like manipulate too, as a good daughter i think i should obey, but i grow up with no borderline and easily manipulated, hard to make decision, and low self esteem. Thinking about that i got very angry, i Will avoid all of that toxic person. And i'm feel more happy and free now. I don't know if it's just shy or avpd. Sorry for my long comment.

  15. ive had social phobia for over 10 years and to me it is nothing like shyness i would even say i am not shy at all, what social phobia does is create a fear about what others will think of you. for example, you go eat at a restaurant, and you start thinking about how you walk, how you talk, how you eat, how you breath even, and then you start fearing what others around you may think about how you do all that and it scares you to death, so much you wanna run away but you are stuck and something even can end up having panic attack.Most of the time you will start imagining scenario in your head of the worst that can happen way before you even go to the restaurant, and you probably end up just not going. from what i understand shyness isn't like a fear, pls correct me if i am wrong.

  16. I want to talk to my mom about possibly having social anxiety I'm afraid she'll just rule it off is me being nervous or just overthinking.

  17. Weirdly enough, pretty much the only time I'm confident is around my crush, like talking to her is hard but when I'm around her I suddenly start acting like I've had 10 cups of coffee

  18. people ask me "do u talk?", "why are u so quiet?" and it really bugs me. also, shyness is different from social anxiety cuz u don't overthink the conversation. plz correct me if i'm wrong.

  19. I iknow i have anxiety 💯% sure bc i had to be very happy child in my past 😕 and now im here and it’s suckssss it feels trapped yeaahh I’m trapped in my own mind
    Ohhhok forgive me but I’m not able to watch this my network is suckks

  20. I’m an introvert and I ah e social anxiety and it’s pretty bad I hate it when the teacher calls on you When you don’t raise your hand when there is other people actually wanting to answer the question my language arts teacher makes us sit in groups and I absolutely hate it but there is this one girl that I really want to be friends with but I’m to anxious to talk to her so basically every class I stay silent and say no words and it sucks

  21. The main problem with social anxiety is that we feel as though we have no sense of self, this is what makes it difficult to talk to other people, because we don't know who we are, how to act and how to react. Please visit my channel to see videos from someone who actually suffers from social anxiety disorder.

  22. I’ve went to many psychologists these last years bc I always thought it was shyness but after I finished school I learned abt this term social anxiety and I relate to a LOT of symptoms that are listed. Then I knew why I struggled so much to make presentations at school, why I prepare myself so much just to say “present” at attendance, why I hate to answer the phone, order at a restaurant, or sometimes out of nothing I feel like I’m not walking like a normal person, like I criticize many things I do. I haven’t even got a boyfriend and I’m turning 21 this year like wtf, I mean if I can’t socialize and less can approach to a boy lmao

  23. whenever there was homework corrections, i would always practice how i would answer each question in my head before the teacher picks me and whenever the teacher would pick me i would get so nervous, start stuttering , my heart would start beating faster, i would also get this intense hot feeling. I hate that feeling so much and then like when i get home i would spend hours thinking about that situation and get so frustrated at myself.

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