Spilling Tea: Dote, Relationships, Anxiety, Moving



hey guys welcome back to my channel I am going to be filming a Q&A today so I haven't done a full on it just shall sit down Q&A in a while and I don't know it just felt right I feel like I just need to do one I have some things that I want to talk about I just wanted to chill with you guys today and answer your questions also make sure you subscribe if you're new and if you like me and make sure you follow me on Instagram and Twitter I've been tweeting a lot lately just my feelings so I asked you guys to ask me questions on my instrument story so make sure you got the first question is have you had any beef with anyone in high school like probably I don't know like yes like there's definitely people that don't like me yeah I just don't really give a everyone has had like drama in high school but I graduated and that stuff is behind me and I'm just focused on myself now would you ever get any cosmetic procedures the only things that I've ever thought about getting done is my lips I think that I would I would never get something like really dramatic and big but my lips are uneven and it really bothers me it's like the one thing that just bothers me so I feel like eventually I'm gonna get it fixed like lip fillers go away after a while they dissolve so I feel like it's not a permanent thing and I don't know I just want to try it biggest thing you regret buying if I had to pick one thing it would probably be my Gucci belt I do love it so much and I wear it and it's really cute whatever it's just like a good staple but so many freakin people have it I feel like hate to be that bitch boohoo and I bought it not a lot of people had it like yes people online had it for people in my town now everybody freakin has it so I don't feel like it's something cool to have because everyone has it what was your favorite memory from your scene year oh I have the worst memory ever oh my god a Lemmy thing honestly like I didn't have like the best senior year like I did have a good senior year and I had fun and I like wouldn't parties kind of and stuff but I didn't have like a lot of front senior year like all throughout high school I had a lot of friends I always had like a group of friends I always was like going a party as I just like had a good high school experience except for my senior year I have got really had one friend Katie and we had boyfriends so like the four of us would hang out but yeah we just didn't have like a lot of friends so he also didn't really go to a lot of like the senior parties like my grades parties I don't know I just didn't really feel like welcome to add them and no not even not like I did feel welcome like obviously I could have gone like I knew everybody but I just didn't have fun at that Mike s like I don't know I just wasn't close to like anybody senior year really so I can't like think of one thing that was like my highlight of my senior year because there honestly wasn't really anything that sticks out to me like I could say prom but like none maybe school just like around literally all all senior year I just around I did not really care because you don't really have to go senior year like I mean maybe that's a bad message don't listen to me but I don't know craziest party experience oh my god there was one party at this kid's house oh my god it was like the craziest party I probably didn't have like the craziest experience but like the whole party was just insane it was like what type like it was probably the craziest party of all of my high school that had been act so basically this night I was with two of my friends well we were at a like I don't even know we went with him and his girlfriend at the time I don't even know why he like wanted us to go with them weird but we went to Bunton house thing and we were waiting on line for so long to get into this haunted house we literally never even went into the haunted house because we heard that this kid was having this part and it was supposed to be crazy so we left the freaking haunted house we never went in it we left he left his girlfriend there with all her friends that was messed up anyway so we left and we came to my house and we pre gamed and oh I was not not well let's just say that so we went to this party and it was just crazy there were people like me dancing on tables and just going crazy was so loud there was people everywhere like this kids house was trashed he was Nord we found he was freaking upstairs like throwing up I'm pretty sure it was the craziest party ever I honestly don't even remember it but it was crazy somebody writes you have an eating disorders e8 een they write and then they say why you lose weight first hell I do not have an eating disorder that is so much stuff to even say to somebody because people actually do have eating disorders out there I honestly haven't really lost like a lot of weight at all probably like at the beginning of my senior year I was like 110 pounds I started that you're like 110 pounds like in the morning when I would weigh myself it was like 110 but around that time period I was eating bad I wasn't working out at all like at all and I just like wasn't taking care of my body I guess and yeah so I would like round the Minturn pounds which isn't not bad that's a fine weight obviously and I'm only 5 long so that's just like a good weight for me but then probably like the summer like last summer I got down to like 105 without even trying I just like started eating better I would eat Chipotle like multiple times a week I would just eat really bad I started eating better I got to under five and not really trying not working out so right now I've been working out like consistently for like a month I would say and I just eat like normal like better the same that I like started eating then I eat bacon egg and cheese is literally like almost every single day so I'm not like that strict on myself but I eat like good and proportional amounts for me and yeah so and I've been working out so now I'm a hundred pounds I mean I'm gonna stay here so yeah I haven't lost crazy weight I don't know why so many people always ask me how I lost so much weight but I really did I look bad or something okay thoughts on the James Charles Rama oh my god that stuff is so crazy I feel like I have no right to even like talk about it I don't want to be in any Iran but like I love tossie that's all I'm gonna say I just ordered some halo vitamins I will be doing a video on them and my experience using them if you would like what do you dislike the most about being a youtuber I really really do love doing YouTube so much and I love sharing my life with you guys the one thing I don't like is that you will probably assume that I'm much different than I am more like narcissistic or like think I'm better than people just because of what I do like just because of like I guess how I'm like portrayed on Instagram or like whatever like I post a lot of pictures of like myself and I post videos of myself but like it's not about that it's literally just about like this is what I like to do in serve come along with it it's just a part of what I do and I'm not like that at all I I'm just not I don't think of myself in that way and I'm not rude and I don't think that I'm great like just because I do this and I feel like it can come off that way obviously but yeah so that's annoying and then another thing is that like I don't know I have anxiety so I just think like really into things and I hate that like I can be in a room with people that say I'm at like a party or something I don't know I don't really go to parties but if I were to go to on I have no idea who there knows what about me like somebody there can watch every single of my videos and know exactly what I'm like and know so much about me and everything that I like in everything they don't like and just exactly how I am because I'm exactly how I am in real life as I am in my videos so once you get to know me but yeah and I could like not know anything about them so that's not scary but at the same time I'm really good thoughts on Jana oh my god Jake : 1000 Joe I will literally love it I love them together it's so weird because I never really like Jake Paul at all like I really did it and I like him like in her I don't watch his videos but in her videos like I like him like I like them together I think they're so funny together and they're cute I just like it I don't think it's real but I really like them together how are you doing today I'm doing I'm doing better than yesterday thank you for us how do you get rid of fake-ass friends oh ha ha ha you just need to distance yourself and you need to know your Worth and what you don't want to put up with and it's really not that hard honestly to cut people out of your life it really isn't just start distancing yourself don't hang out with them as much and then just don't hang out with them at all we're coming hey I don't like you noticing you should never have some day in your life that is fake towards you and that doesn't actually like you that will only bring you down and I've definitely had my fair share of fake friends and friends that just talk and just don't like me and I think that's just so stupid and I'm like I literally don't have that many friends because I just have trust issues I guess I don't know I just don't trust anybody and a lot of people have like just helping the friends to make it so I just cut them out okay really just stop being you know them it's not what is the one advice you'd give to every teenager okay one piece of advice that I would give to every teenager is do not care what anybody thinks number one number two the friends of the people that make you happy and the people that you're most alike and don't care about being like the coolest kid in school that's the literally so stupid once you graduate it literally doesn't even matter at all none of those people are relevant at all um number four if you need help with anything ask somebody and if you feel lonely ask somebody or tell somebody because I guarantee you that person has felt that I will play it because I feel like a lot of teenagers don't know how to deal especially like younger teenagers or just changed teenagers in general don't know how to deal when they feel like alone or feel sad or feel depressed or feel anxious and they just don't know how to deal with it and I say just talk to somebody because chances are that person has felt the exact same way I don't put in there and yeah do you go to as many parties as you used to in high school absolutely not I literally don't go to penny ever this question is do you struggle with mental illness do you have any major anxieties I definitely have anxiety um I feel like I've had it forever and I didn't really know exactly what it was until like mid high school I was kind of just confused and don't know like what was happening like I literally remember being in like dance class and not me I don't like talk to anybody because I was just like so like socially like I just had so much like social anxiety there's just certain situations that stick out of my head and I'm like yeah that was like having an anxiety attack and I just had no idea I remember starting days this didn't happen every single day but this happened a lot I would be walking into my high school and literally like my heart would be literally racing I wouldn't even be able to hear anything like if somebody talked to me I wouldn't even be able to hear them and literally my thoughts would be like a race like they would be so fast like it would just be going so fast like every single thing I was thinking would just be like going like so fast it was a scariest thing it hasn't happened to me literally since I was in high school this was like it was just so weird it was so scary I didn't know like what was happening and this what happened to my freshman year it happened to me up until my senior year um and I didn't really like know what it was until like my sophomore year or something like I don't know it was just such a scary experience I'm like no I kind of like I know what it is and I know like how to deal with it so it hasn't made it so much easier but yeah there's just some days where I'm just like having anxiety really bad and I just like need to breathe and like I don't know I just feel like everything is just going wrong like my head just makes my brain just makes me think that everything is just going wrong but like everything it's not everything is fine and I just need to chill I have social anxiety too like I sometimes just feel like extremely weird in certain situations if I'm not like really comfortable in them I will get really quiet I won't talk I will just sit there and like just be thinking my head like a million different things I will think that everybody in the room hates me I will think that I'm being annoying even though I'm literally not talking I will just think a million things and it's so freaking annoying there's some times where I'm like perfectly fine and I'm doing well when I'm in like public situations or social situations whatever if I have somebody there with me that makes me feel comfortable that I'm like kind of good but recently I was at a party and my boyfriend was there with me so I was like fine in the beginning in the beginning I was fine I didn't want to go to begin with but I just went he was with his friends whatever and then later in the night I literally I looked at my boyfriend and like I felt comfortable cuz I had him there with me but then like I don't know it was just some different type it was bad and I drove there so but that was good but I would really looked I was like right now they go to the bathroom I was like I'm having such bad anxiety I literally do not want to be here anymore I need to get out this is awful like I feel like I was literally like freaking the out I was like we're gonna walk outside I'm not saying my new anybody and I'm going to my car and I'm going home it was so bad like I literally just freaked out like it's just so scary if you ever feel that way or have anxiety don't be scared at to DM me I will answer I also have a spam account which I answer dams a lot more on you can always eme if you ever need any help feeling alone if you are just anxious or anything you don't know how to deal with it can be I mean I don't really want to deal with it either but we are working together and just being able to talk to somebody that also experiences those things that's really nice some thoughts on the do't scandal okay so I am completely against it so messed up I watched literally so many videos I obviously watched Breanna's I'm friends with her I loved her so much she is an amazing person and I'm so proud of her for speaking out on that it's just really messed up they should have never made anybody feel unimportant or excluded or segregated or anything literally everything about that was just not good yes they can say that they didn't mean to do that and I don't think that that's what their intention was but considering they did have issues in Fiji like this that were actually identical to this you would think that they would work a little bit harder to make sure that they looked good and just to make sure that that didn't happen again just because girls did say something to them after Fiji and there were issues in Fiji so why wouldn't you fix those things like it just doesn't make sense to me and obviously I wasn't there so I can't really speak on it that much it just looks bad if I were there I would feel so uncomfortable and I'm obviously not a woman of color so I can't really talk on that but yeah I I just know that I would feel uncomfortable just super it's unfortunate I have gone on a trip with them before I love recently and I that's where I met marina and she was an angel I love her I don't know I feel like they very clearly had favorites there were just a lot of things that they can do differently something that I noticed a lot was that they had favorites that was just on the rural thing they literally did not post a single picture from the trip I went on when the San Francisco trip that was right after mine it but they posted well they posted like a couple pictures from that they posted like two for mine and then one of her no zero I think from the San Fran whatever and then they boosted literally like multiple pictures a day during Coachella with all of the girls that were clearly their favorites the entire time and I think that's just so messed up it makes you feel shitty about yourself it makes you feel that you're not good enough if you're bringing a bunch of girls onto a trip and you're telling them that you're gonna go photographer and you're doing this and you're doing that and you're having a scheduled photo shoot obviously that's going to make these young girls think that they are going to be posted on their social media that's just what you think and if you are doing something like that you should post every single girl that you were on just because that's respectful that makes you look better um I don't know it's just it's such a messy situation I'm not gonna be working with them anymore because I just don't support anything that they do I don't support the way that they apologized I think that super it just didn't look good why are you posting all these pictures that you should have posted right after that trip they should have posted I don't know I have so much to say I'm just not gonna be working with them anymore I would never want to hurt any of you guys by working with the company and that does not good things and I mean how many chances can you give a company before they realize that they need to make a change now they need to make a change because so many people are against them now no you should have made the change right after Fiji when you saw that girls were upset how do you get your nails so long my nails are real I've been getting gel literally for as long as I can freaking remember my nails are probably really really really dead under there yeah they are this long because I've had gel for so long we just grow out and I get them filled what's one thing you'll never get sick of bacon egg and cheese is I love so do you plan to live in the city or California I want to live in California so bad I also want to live in New York City like I would live in either one but I just have this feeling inside of me that like I needed to live in California for a portion of my life I just need to live there I just know it like I I'm happy when I'm there I love being there I love the environment I just think that I need to get out of New York I need to get away from these people here I I've had enough I've really had enough of all the people that are just in this town seriously on people little brood here people just suck but people are good everywhere but I just need like a fresh start I think away from all of this crap I'm just sick of so many things here and yeah I just look good up here I don't know what but I definitely see myself in the next two years or so what is a quality you think is important for a relationship to last communication is probably the number one and respect just like basic respect do you need to respect one another one another you need to respect one another it's like a long time space everything you just need to respect that without obviously did you or break up with your boyfriend no me and my boyfriend are still dating I kind of keep that a little bit more private something you regret you know what actually this is probably the thing I regret the most in my life so basically like every single year for the past like six summers or something like that I've gone to lvi not six maybe like five I don't even know what ever I've gone to this place called the L VI it's like a beach town in Jersey and I would go with like so many friends like 30 friends or something like that and probably like two summers ago know like three summers ago I think I don't know yes the three summers ago I turned down an opportunity to get flown off to Canada at a model for garage and I went to OPI instead that is my probably biggest regret because every time I think about it I get so angry at myself because that was such a good opportunity that I completely missed out on but you know everything happens for a reason I was a dumb bitch firm reason and yeah so I don't even really regret that ooh do you like astrology and do you believe your sign is accurate love your vids thank you so much um I believe in astrology 100 million 10% I don't know but I believe in it so freakin much I'm a Scorpio and I think I'm very much a screw of you but my other signs like there's a bunch of oceans like your moon sign your Venus sign your whatever based on the time you were born oh my god those are so freaking accurate it's insane I have just as much Sagittarius in me as I have Scorpio if you guys to be interested I'm like a full on leaving a video about like all of my stuff like all my different signs I wouldn't be so down to do that I don't know that we even interesting at all but I'm like so interested by that stuff um and yeah I really believe in it I think that it's spot-on it's actually scary what's the hardest thing you have been through probably losing my grandma that was probably the hardest thing ever okay this is the last question I'm going to answer it is are you happy with where you're at right now in terms of social life in this life in general I would say that I am happy where I am right now in my life I think I'm doing good for myself my social life does exist but I don't really care about that I'm happy and I don't know I used to be so much more into like going out and that kind of thing and I cared a lot about that and I just realized that is so stupid my social life I guess could be a little bit more fun but I'm happy where I am in life right now I'm doing well I have a good boyfriend and a few of good friends and that's like all I need so he has um that is it for my video tonight I hope you guys enjoyed it I feel like you and I are so freaking boring I hope you didn't hate this video but I hope you sooner back thank you guys so much for watching and I'll talk to you in the next video a bitch left me on your mind

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