Star Wars Group Therapy

So I know that everyone
here is a fan of the Star Wars original trilogy, and
you suffered some trauma when the
prequels came out. And now with the release
of The Force Awakens, that’s going to bring up
a lot of emotions for all of you. So I figured
we could talk about that today. Who would like
to start? I just keep having flashbacks
to the Phantom Menace when it came out how
psyched my friends and I were to see it.
We camped out for tickets. And then we saw the movie.
And it felt like… it felt like
a betrayal. I can’t get psyched for
The Force Awakens. I can’t. I want to,
but I can’t. Because what if
it happens again? What if it’s all about
Midi-chlorians? David, did that touch on
something for you? It just made me remember
when I saw Phantom Menace, you know I built it up
so much in my mind, when I was watching it,
I actually thought that it was good. I was such a fool.
[he whines] Hey, even Jedi’s get
fooled sometimes. Remember, R2 tricked Luke
into removing his restraining bolt? I’d say you’re in pretty
good company? (sigh) Things have been really
hard on my son. I’ve been so worried about
The Force Awakens that I’ve been forgetting to
pick him up from school, a lot. Oh, jeez. But, you know, he
doesn’t understand. He likes the
prequels. It’s causing problems for
me and my wife too. She keeps saying,
“Oh, but it’s J. J. Abrams.” As if J. J. Abrams can’t
have a misstep. Does anybody remember
Star Trek Into Darkness? Super 8? Yeah it’s causing a lot of
problems for me and my wife too. Sorry, I don’t have a wife.
I don’t know why I said that. [grimaces] This is pointless. If you think about it,
most of the Star Wars movies are bad. I mean, all 3 prequels
are horrible, but I am sorry, Return of
the Jedi is not a good movie. Ewoks? Han Solo was a bad ass,
and now he’s just some weird doofus for the
whole film. Okay, so that means that
only 2 out of the 6 movies were actually good. So odds are this one’s
going to be bad too. You know what, I don’t
even know why I’m here right now. We’re wasting
our time. Do you know who you sound
like right now? No. Luke. From The Empire
Strikes Back. Remember The Empire
Strikes Back? Empire. The darkest of the
original trilogy. Han getting frozen
in carbonite. Lando. At-Ats. Boba Fett. Boba Fett. Yes. [laughter] Good work today,
everybody. I am very proud
of you. We didn’t hear much from
you this session. Is there something you
would like to add to the conversation,
Mr. Binks? Um, meesa thinking meesa
in the wrong room. Meesa thought this was bed
wetter’s meeting. Hehe. [series of whooshes] [door hing]

55 comments

  1. Don't throw shit at Super 8! Everything up to and including the train crash is just magnificent and as good as filmmaking gets. …. sure, the rest of the movie is kind of meh …. but still!

  2. Not funny anymore, it's been 16 years already, stop beating that long dead horse. I say this as someone who watched Ep.1 on the cinemas when it came out.

  3. This is too close to home for my friends!! Hilarious. Forgetting to pick kid up from school had me lmao! My generation (late 40's) have always had shit fits about anything beyond the original trilogy being up to par. I love 'em all, just in different ways.   BTW, Ewoks were the lamest characters ever….might as well been an army of fat gerbils in loincloths. They are going to eat Han (who for some reason let himself get hogtied) while braiding Leia's hair? C'mon.

  4. Star Trek Into Darkness is fucking MESS! I agreed with that!

    But Super 8, that movie is so fucking AMAZING! What are you talking about ?

  5. If you have not read the Timothy Zahn trilogy then you may get through this. If Luke is evil then it HAS TO BE cloned Luke from the missing hand or I will be very pissed off indeed. I am in need of therapy. Prequels don't exist for me. They all suck.

  6. AAAUUUUGGGHHHH!The fucking MIDICHLORIANS!So stupid!Just when I forgot,you had to go and remind me!DAMN you!The only good thing about reminding me of those…midichlorians… is that even if Abrahms does half blind me cranking up those irritating "lens flare" effects,it still won't be a fraction as irritating as…that,or Jar Jar fucking Binks,George Lucas's misbegotten idea of "comedy relief sidekick" that sucked air and motion out of every scene his idiotic CGI'ed ass was in…I know it sounds like I need the group,but it's only because THE PREQUELS could have been SO good.

  7. Bashing on the prequels is like beating up a disabled child. Having said that, the prequels are entertaining and worthy of being in the saga. People are way too critical.

  8. Why did I know it was gonna be jar jar?! Weird cuz as a kid I liked him, thaught he was funny, but now that I'm a bit more mature, he does seem rather annoying

  9. I actual like Jar Jar Binks, the guy who'd originally played him, coming out to say that his son, got him out of depression. The man almost killed himself, do to all the hatred from fans, on April 1999's Phantom Menace. Plus, I agree with guy, who'd said Return of The Jedi, just sucks compared to first two.

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