Subtle Addictions

hey it's Leo for actualised org and in this episode I'm going to be talking about overcoming subtle addictions addictions are bogging you down taking up all your time so you have no room left for personal development work that becomes a big problem in this episode what I want to do is I want to help you to draw a distinction between gross and subtle addictions now I've released an episode in the past called overcoming addiction which talks mostly about gross addictions the stuff that we would conventionally think of as addictions the bad stuff that bad habits and I talked about some of the root causes of that and sort of solutions so definitely check that out that's a foundational episode here we're going to do like a part two and now we're going to get into the more tricky and the more subtle stuff which is still very important because you need to free up room so that you can do all the other work like meditation journaling contemplation self inquiry and all that other good stuff to actually get the results from self actualization that you want to see but first let's ask the question what is an addiction it's something that you do repeatedly which has negative consequences which leads to overconsumption and feelings of low consciousness dirtiness guilt and regret it's painful to stop doing it because it creates withdrawal symptoms and cravings and then this activity becomes like a crutch which gets you stuck in this loop that you can't stop and this loop is an escape from legitimate suffering and growth which is why we need to focus on addiction so much here and it reduces your freedom and your ability to become aware and awareness is really the key to all growth so you can see how this addiction all these addictions whether they're gross ones are subtle ones they're like ropes tying your hands behind your back and then you can't really do anything with your life also these addictions break your integrity they disconnect you from your higher self your highest values and the pursuit of your full potential in life and it's something that you hide and you're not proud of so that right there in a nutshell is what defines an addiction now let's talk about gross versus subtle this distinction by a gross addiction I mean the obvious stuff so of course junk food of course drugs of course alcohol television video games coffee your phone internet porn sex gambling shopping this kind of stuff a lot of these our culture recognizes as addictions okay but some people set the bar so low that to them half the stuff that I listed they don't even consider as an addiction for example coffee or food they might think of junk food as an addiction but like when they think of junk food they think of like the worst of the worst of the worst kinds of food but then they don't recognize that even their normal everyday healthy food is actually still very addictive in very toxic and the same goes with your internet usage and so forth so the bar has been set very very low in our society and we need to raise the bar so of course all these growth addictions are very dilatory as to your efforts to self-actualize they will stop you dead in your tracks take up take up all your time all your energy and then what can you really do to grow after that if you're hooked on dad food drugs internet alcohol TV games and all this kind of stuff so obviously you need to be quitting this stuff obviously but then there's a lot of subtle stuff that you're probably not even aware of is a problem and these subtle addictions are tricky because they're less tangible they're more conceptually based rather than chemically or physiologically based so food drugs these are chemical addictions but then you've got conceptual addictions which you shouldn't underestimate because a conceptual addiction could be even harder to unwire that chemical one and one of the reasons that is is because these subtle addictions are not culturally recognized as such and so they seem normal because your friends and your family are doing it your entire culture is engaging in this and so it's just you're like a fish and water you don't see it and it's easy for your mind to rationalize it away and these subtle addictions can even appear to be good some people will watch television and then convince themselves that hey this is actually good for me and television I consider a gross addiction the subtle ones are really tricky it's very easy to trick yourself into thinking that the subtle addictions are good also it's hard to see the damage of these subtle addictions whereas with drugs and with food you can feel really bad you can see yourself putting on weight so that's more obvious whereas with these subtle addictions the damage is spread out across time so you don't quite notice it and you could be doing it for years and years and years and not really see what's happening also the federal addictions are so abstract that a lot of times you don't know how to get your hands around it or what you should even do to stop it for example with food with drugs with television it's pretty obvious we understand what needs to happen to stop these you just stop taking the food stop taking the drugs turn off the TV but with the subtle addictions it's not like that you don't really know what to do to stop it for example if you're addicted to love or approval or you're addicted to arguing or to judging how do you go about stopping that a lot of these are deeply ingrained habits of your mind and they're not easy to stop at all and also the subtle additions are tricky because it's hard for the mind to imagine alternatives because you're so steep in this toxic culture that's also addicted and all the media and advertising is feeding into this addiction your mind can't see what your life would look without this what would your life look like if you never judged again or if you never argued or debated again or if you never sought love or approval from people ever again now we start to get into a lifestyle which is very out of the ordinary you probably don't have a lot of friends or family members who live their life like this and you might not even think that such things are possible because they're so really outside your realm of possibility and that needs to change of course if you want to if you want to really grow to your highest potential that's one of the things that really holds you back from your highest potential is that you don't even know what your highest potential could be but anyways what I want to do is I want to get you a lot more awareness around what all these subtle addictions could possibly be so I have a lot of examples for you have a list of over 40 different examples so let's get going and I'll give you some commentary and some of these are just self explanatory so being loved can be an addiction and this one's very tricky because it seems like a positive thing okay I love love what's wrong with love love is a beautiful thing but it can become toxic very easily when you need it when you're attached to it when your whole sense of being and your entire career or your entire relationship or marriage or all your family life is all about being loved and then you actually crave it when you don't get it see then you're hooked on it judgment and criticism is a big point of addiction for people and they don't recognize it because our whole culture in the media in the news in politics it's all about judging and criticizing people you can even get a job where they pay you millions of dollars to judge and to criticize others and that's all you do without recognizing that you're addicted to it you just also double down and made a career out of it which is a which is a real problem being right and proving others wrong can be a serious addiction arguing and debating is a big addiction that I see people falling into again this is one of those where they they make entire careers out of this not realizing they kind of cul-de-sac that era leading themselves into as far as their fulfillment and their spiritual development goes in a long run anger hatred and racism these are addictions and at this point is actually one of the seven deadly sins is wrath anger being moral or good can be an addiction preaching to others can become an addiction and this one's especially tricky because those people who preach a lot to others and try to change other people and up oftentimes just using as an excuse not to really work on themselves and I've noticed that a lot in myself because this is kind of what I do is that I give a lot of advice but I have to be very careful to make sure that when I'm giving a lot of advice I have to also be taking a lot of my own advice too otherwise I get very painful ideology and pet ideas can become very addictive this includes of course various kinds of cults and religious ideologies but not just that also political ideologies economic ideologies scientific ideologies or any kind of pet theories you have about life it can become very addictive and then you spend the rest of your life playing these games or trying to defend or to preach your ideology or argue and debate it and you can waste a lot of time doing that while neglecting your own growth getting attention and being liked which can be suddenly different than the addiction to to love just getting attention from school or being liked or being approved of in the addiction arrogance or cockiness its kind of attitude that some people take towards life or towards other people this could be an addiction and actually this is also one of the seven deadly sins it's called pride Success work and career advancement this is a huge point which tricks a lot of people some of our most high-functioning members of the species are trapped in this addiction success is very tricky because our culture really reinforces it and mostly what our culture tells you about life is at the point of life is to become super successful and when you get a little bit of success that opens you up to having more power to get more success and so of course you chase it and you get more and then of course people tell you hey you're successful and you're like thinking okay well I should become more successful and you just keep doing this in this cycle never ends you can waste your whole life chasing success and then not knowing why you're not fulfilled with life and that's because you're addicted to success people just can't put it down they're workaholics or they're trying to advance their career at all costs that becomes a problem money can be a point of addiction and money is different than success because you can be successful and not have a lot of money from stamps you can be like a scientist or an author or something and you're you're in it for at least you're trying to do something like good with your career maybe help people okay that's good even though that can still be an addiction but money is just extremely shallow and some people just get caught on this it's like they're looking for the highest paying career they can get or getting money through get-rich-quick schemes or the stock market or taking shortcuts once you make money your top priority in life you're really going down a cul-de-sac there it's only a matter of time until something catastrophic happens their material possessions and luxury can also become an addiction and this is different than money because some people get addicted to surrounding themselves with stuff fancy luxurious stuff fancy cars fancy houses you know they'll spend a lot of time designing the interiors of their houses and marble bathrooms and carpets and drapes and all this kind of stuff and that becomes addictive that's almost like the same as shopping addiction there's so much cool stuff you want to buy and then you go out and just spend the rest of your life buying stuff and the more you buy the less satisfied you feel because you can never you can never really satisfy yourself with material possessions also collecting and hoarding is another addiction that I see people having they will collect coins stamps Barbie dolls Star Trek figurines and they'll get very meticulous and perfectionistic about it where it's like they got their little figurine that they bought on eBay for a thousand dollars and they want to keep it in pristine condition with all their other figurines and if anybody comes in there and messes around with them and get all upset at them so that's clearly an addiction security can be an addiction and this one might come this might come from for example if you grew up in an insecure family you didn't have money or something else you didn't have safety and now as an adult you spend the rest of your time trying to get the security whether it's security with your finances or security with your career just you want to get into a situation where you're completely safe and everything is known there's no risks because that's something your psyche wants its addicted to worry anxiety and fear these can be all very very addictive negative self-talk can be an addiction and by negative self-talk I don't just mean the words you say to yourself in your internal voice but also the tone of those words a lot of people don't even realize that they're speaking themselves in this nasty harsh negative tone and then how do you expect to fulfill on your dreams with the with that kind of voice in your head the past and old wrongs and feuds can be addictive some people are really hung up on something that happened to them in the past and they make their whole future as a reaction against the stuff that happened in the past and then they relive all the trauma or whatever that happened in the past and then that becomes an addiction technology can be an addiction and of course I don't just mean TV Internet and your phone those I consider gross addictions technology has also a subtle element of addiction to it in that our culture right now is very technology obsessed and people are always talking about the newest technology and there's this whole expectation that's like you have your newest phone and who has the best gadgets did you get this gadget oh my phone is a i phone age or yours is a 9 and a 10 like these technology wars and then all these gadgets are following the gadgets new gadgets come out and everybody's hyping them up VR phones augmented reality whatever it is self-driving cars you know this will just keep going and going and going and going there's no end to technology and then people get really hooked on this idea that the whole point of life is technological progress without realizing that no matter what level of technology you're at it doesn't really change how you feel about your life technology does not grow you and in many cases it it just takes up a lot of your time and attention which you need to do real interwork another addiction is being efficient and being productive this is a very tricky one because it seems like it's a great thing to be efficient and productive and yet the more you make your life about efficiency and productivity the more you're actually missing the essence of life you're getting sucked out of the present moment you're not really able to be spiritual because you're lost in concept land thinking about how to be more efficient at work more efficient in school more efficient with your morning routine as you're brushing your teeth you're trying to cut corners and do everything quickly and returning a multitask and do all this kind of stuff and I think a lot of very successful people a lot of high-functioning people of our species fall into this trap especially CEO types managerial it's entrepreneurial types of people these types of people have a lot of potential for self-actualization but they shoot themselves in the foot because of this efficiency trap also min maxing a good example this is with video games I used to play a lot of video games if you play video games like RPGs especially you know what I'm talking about with min maxing it's this this idea of you have your RPG character and you try to get all the stats perfect you're trying to find what the best equipment is how do you find the best loot and get everything skilled up I get the most xp to get the the highest character possible but now imagine that applied to your actual life and you can see how how neurotic and addictive that can be if you live your whole life that way it's a it's a really inhuman way of living life and you're guaranteed to be dissatisfied with that competition and winning is an addiction for some people being special or being the best is also an addiction prizes awards achievements popularity and fame these can be all very addictive and very distracting multitasking and distracting yourself multitasking is a huge problem these days and I notice myself getting addicted to just like try to do three or four things at once rather than just sitting down and working for four hours on some project that I have to do I will work on it for 10 minutes then I'll check the phone then I'll work on it for 30 minutes then I'll check the internet then I'll do something else and I'll listen to an audio book while I'm working on it and just becomes a mess and this really hinders your ability to raise your awareness which is the most important thing you can be doing with your self-actualization and really kills you with meditation with your concentration practice and inhibit self inquiry so there's a lot of bad stuff that a multitasking does for you hell being people and changing people can be very addictive some people get hung up on this idea that they are helper and that their role in life is to help people and to improve people to change people and then that becomes part of their whole identity and they're addicted to it and then all that of course backfires because they're not working on themselves family can be an addiction companionship and being with people can be a big source of addiction a lot of people can't stand to be by themselves in solitude and so therefore they can't meditate they can't contemplate they can't do a retreat and they're always needing opinions from other people they need comrades to support them otherwise they can't motivate themselves they can't be effective just by themselves a good solution to this one is to do some meditation retreats with asana retreats or some solo retreats suffering can be an addiction asking drama and self-sabotage in a very sick and twisted way your suffering and gets so bad that you actually then want more suffering and you in this very schizophrenic way you want to escape the suffering but also you secretly want the suffering – of course that perpetuates it control power and getting things your way can be a big addiction for people being negative whining and complaining is another one victim mentality is another one where you start to think to yourself how you can't change your life and everything you're trying isn't working and it's failing and all the advice you're getting isn't isn't any good and you can't apply it to change yourself and it's too late and all the limiting beliefs all that comes in there and you start to feel very stuck thinking theorizing philosophizing and speculating our big addictions almost everybody addicted to thinking and over conceptualizing and it becomes especially a big problem when you're trying to pursue spiritual development and enlightenment analysis is another one people get really addicted to analysis and then they try to serve all they try to solve all the world's problems through analysis and then of course that doesn't work boasting and showboating is another one and this is also one of the seven deadly sins it's called vainglory physical comfort can be an addiction this is really interesting one where you start to get comfortable physically like if you're a patient in a hospital and you've been recuperating from surgery and you're lying in the bed for a few weeks and you haven't been walking and then you actually find it hard to just walk to get a bed because you're so addicted to just being comfortable laying in bed or sitting on the couch laziness and procrastination of course turn into addictions laziness is like this slippery slope that you get a little bit more lazy which makes it easier to a little bit more lazy and a little bit more lazy a little bit more lazy and then you're sliding all the way down and then the lower you go the harder it is to get yourself out of it and this one is also one of the seven deadly sins it's called sloth perfectionism is an addiction I've sewed on that depending on others to support you can easily become an addiction this one on more women face than men but men can face it too this one you might face if you're like a college student who depends on your family maybe your family is wealthy so you're depending on them to support you and therefore you don't actually go out there and learn how to provide for yourself you're like a lion doesn't learn how to hunt and then you have to go out into the wilderness that's a problem and if you're a woman like a stay-at-home mom who's been taking care of the kids for five or ten years and then the kids are off at school and stuff and now you go out there and get back in the workforce but that's very difficult because you're dependent on maybe your spouse supporting you and so you're stuck in the laziness stuck in a rut physical appearance can be an addiction it can be an addiction in two ways one is that you can be addicted about your own physical appearance and that's what you see with celebrities who are really obsessed about and they get plastic surgery after plastic surgery and again that's like a slippery slope that just goes right down into hell they're never satisfied with their own physical appearance and then physical appearance also with others so some people just need everybody around them to be beautiful especially their spouse or their girlfriend or their boyfriend your Trump this is your trophy wife your trophy husband kind of thing and then when your wife gets a little bit older she's no longer beautiful to you anymore so you run and go get a younger girl and you just keep doing this over and over again negative motivation can be an addiction a lot of people fall into this trap and some of them actually can be very successful but then they're miserable as hell because the only way that they taught themselves that they can be successful is by always being pressured from the outside by dire circumstances or by pain this is the example of you know the kid in school who gets the CEO the month-long book report and then he spends 28 days playing video games in the last two days when it gets really painful that's when he can motivate himself to write the book report of course usually doesn't come out too great when you do it that way and even if it does it's just miserable those last two days are miserable and then some people learn to to approach all of life that way including their career and their business and other things and they will only really act when they are squeezed and pressured into it by circumstances and of course you can become moderately successful doing that but you're never going to reach your full potential doing that and you're never going to be able to use that to become highly conscious and another way that people do that is through guilt which can be an addiction so guilting yourself about everything you're doing all over and over again and then some people really get into that especially some religious folks like the Catholics jealousy and envy can be addictions I have an episode on how to deal with jealousy jealousy is actually also one of the seven deadly sins seeking newness excitement and fun and also danger and adrenaline this can be an addiction gossiping and bad-mouthing are talking behind other people's backs can be an addiction cleanliness and order also can be addictive cheating stealing taking shortcuts that's another interesting one and this one can be very damaging and it's also very seductive once you go down this road of cheating and stealing and you get a little bit of success with that you're going to want to do more of it taking shortcuts can be very addictive you take a shortcut in your business and it happens to work a little bit and then you take another shortcut another shortcut and another shortcut and then eventually you run your whole business in the ground because you've been taking shortcuts or maybe you're taking shortcuts with your personal development and that's not going to end too well either lying manipulating and exploiting some people get very addicted to this and this could be very seductive because you can become a very good manipulator and you can actually manipulate a lot of stuff a lot of systems and people in the world and become very successful and very famous doing that but then on the inside it's like you're selling your soul to the devil as you do this so from the outside people will think you're doing great and you could easily trick yourself into thinking you're doing great but actually you're becoming addicted to manipulation and then you find that you don't even know how to interact with the world in any other way but to manipulate and exploit it mystical states can be addictive especially once you get pretty good at meditation and then you start to be able to tap into those high consciousness States which feel really good but then you get hooked on those and lastly hoarding knowledge can be addictive reading books just for the sake of reading books learning facts just for the sake of having fact using knowledge to impress other people or just doing mental masturbation learning a bunch of self-help theory but then not implementing any of it or just doing some kind of armchair philosophy so watch out for that one so that's a list for you I'm sure you could find others as well it should give you a really good sense of what I mean by subtle addictions you see how some of these you probably never thought about before as being an addiction and some of them society really tells you is good stuff like knowledge know when you're acquiring knowledge people applaud you for that and rarely will someone tell you hey maybe you're addicted to acquiring knowledge or maybe you're addicted to success or maybe you're addicted to manipulation now it's important to understand that the addiction is never in the activity itself a lot of people get this wrong and they think like well leo so just because I lied that means now I'm an addict I'm a lying addict and just because I cheated once or just because i gossiped once that makes me an addict no not at all an addiction is really a groove that's been carved in your mind that's the addiction not the activity just because you what lie once or twice here or there or you cheat or you're chasing some money a little bit in your life or your guilt tripping yourself or you're a little bit perfectionistic in this situation here okay that's fine that's not necessarily an addiction here's a really easy way to tell that you're addicted stop doing the thing in question for seven days and see if cravings come up and you compulsively want to go back and start doing it again if craving come up that's your sign that you're addicted it's a really nice clean little litmus test for you now of course the million dollar question is how do we overcome all these and what I want to do here is I want to give you a general strategy because of course I could give you specific strategies for all of them but then that would require individual episodes and I do have some episodes like I have an episode about perfectionism about stopping being a workaholic jealousy and some other stuff but here's a more general solution so with the subtle addictions the trick with them is that you forget about them very easily so today you have the intention to stop overthinking but tomorrow you forget or a week later you forget see it's very easy and you're not even sure of all the ways in which you engage in the subtle addiction so the first step is to apply a lot of awareness to the situation you need to really start to wash yourself like a hawk and to see all the ways in which this addiction manifests and all the costs and benefits that you get from it and as you're doing that you also want to start to contemplate and to journal about the root cause of your addiction and here's how I recommend you do that so select your one addiction that you want to focus on let's say is something like what let's say is manipulation so if you're addicted to manipulation then okay that's that's the thing you're going to be contemplating now what you want to do is you want to write down and list all the ways in which you do manipulation and take some time with this because you can actually go back into your past and look for examples of how you do this and the more you find to these examples the better because that then gets you the awareness you need to be able to see it in the future the whole idea here is you want to be able to to have the foresight to see it before you actually start to engage in it in that will alow require some so once you make this list then ask yourself how is this core to my identity so manipulation how is that an important integral part of my identity it's not just something I do it's something that's core to me it's serving a function it's really an escape from something what am i escaping from then ask yourself why do I need this why do I need manipulation and really try to go as deep as you can with that you might discover some weakness in you some belief about yourself like you need to manipulate because you think that deep down you're not capable of surviving if you don't manipulate or you're not capable of getting the love you want or need unless you manipulate it's going to be something deep like that so trace it down to its core and then ask yourself the question what would an alternative look like what would an alternative lifestyle look like without manipulation that's a very important question because if you can't envision something how are you going to work towards it and with addiction is especially important because you can't just drop a negative addiction and leave nothing in its place because that'll just create a vacuum or a void which means that your old addiction will come back and that's the problem like for example heroin addicts face is that if you take a heroin addict and you ask them well what's an alternative lifestyle to this heroin addiction if you have and one of the problems is going to be is that they can't even imagine it because they're living in a whole their whole lifestyles wrapped around this heroin addiction and when they think about something like maybe hey maybe I'm going to ditch this heroin addiction and to become like a yoga instructor I'm going to become meditator and I'm going to follow my life purpose I'm going to clean my life up and I'm going to have a family and some kids and all that like if they have that kind of alternative idea placed in their head well first problem is that they they won't even have that kind of idea but even if they do they'll quickly dismiss it because they'll see that no that's not nearly as good as what I've got already my heroin lifestyle is way better than that so you need to consider an alternative that actually registers in your mind as a as a much better alternative it has to have sort of pull – it has to be compelling so what would be all the alternative to a manipulative lifestyle and really carried out through what would your life look like if you didn't manipulate any more how many what kind of amazing lifestyle could you build based on that foundation so that starts to get you your vision and then ask yourself this other key question which is could I let it go could I let go of this core aspect of my identity which is manipulation in this case could I let it go and there's multiple levels at which you can ask this question you can ask it at a superficial level where it's like yeah I could let it go in the same way that if I asked you yet could you quit eating potato chips you could say yeah I could eat quitting potato chips but then I could ask you like no could you really let it go not just the activity of it but could you let go that part of your identity that's where a real shift can happen is when you say to yourself you know what I actually am willing to not just not eat donuts anymore because I know they're bad and unhealthy but like I can really let go of this mechanism of using Donuts to fill this gap in my in my being I could let that go that's a whole nother level that's where real change can happen and be honest with yourself if you're not willing to let it go yet take a look what are the things that are keeping you clinging to that thing you might say you know what I'm not willing to let it go my work is so stressful that I need to have my cup of coffee and my doughnuts every single morning you might think about it like that see and then just keep thinking about ki Baskerville could I let it go could I let it go just keep asking and and thinking about that until eventually you reach the point where you see that you don't need it that really is just a baby blanket and that you can let go of your baby blanket and when you do you can envision that great stuff will come and then after you do all this journaling and all this contemplating take your time with it set the intention a strong and clear intention that you are going to make this change and intention is a powerful thing you set this intention even when you don't know how yet you're going to make it happen maybe you don't know how to quit overthinking or you don't know how to quit being jealous but you can get clear with yourself you can reach a point where say you know what I'm just not going to tolerate this jealousy anymore I'm setting the intention to become a person who is not jealous and I don't know how I'm gonna get there how long it's going to take me I'm sure I'm going to have my obstacles and my my moments where I still get jealous sometimes but I'm just going to keep my intention and that's a that's a very important element then what you do is you get a wristband like this something along these lines and you stick it on your wrist and you wear it and you use it to help you become more mindful and aware of all the instances throughout the day and throughout the week of where you're engaging in this subtle addiction with the subtle addictions is very important because with eating clearly know when you've over eaten but for example when you're manipulating most times you don't know that you're manipulating when you're manipulating when you're addicted to it so this thing here will help you to see it and then what you got to do is you got to start to look for it everywhere in your life and it'll be sort of like you're looking for a certain kind of car on the road as soon as you set your filter for looking for that kind of car you're going to see it everywhere whereas before you never saw it ultimately what you're after here is you're going to replace this baby blanket that you've been carrying with just raw being just being that's ultimately what all these addictions are trying to avoid in your life is just being the presence of being and the sort of simplicity of it you see being is very simple and sort of mundane and it's not very flashy most of the time and people don't like that so they fill that void with all the addictions from above if you really want to get a taste of what being is like in its pure form try to do a solo retreat like I've talked about in the past where you just do 7 or 10 days of a retreat all by yourself not talking to anybody not distracting yourself with anything complete solitude and get back in touch with yourself and face that emptiness within you and then that will be really the root solution to too many of these problems but nevertheless you still have these habits ingrained in your mind so these Solo retreats what they'll do is they'll put you in touch with being in the sense that they'll give you a good preview of what your life could be once you go through and systematically over the years clean up all these diction's don't try to clean up all these addictions at one time it's not going to work this is a lifelong project here so if you're even cleaning up just two addictions per year that will that will quickly snow ball and turn you into an amazing person and your life will be amazing it'll feel amazing after a few years of doing that ultimately the reason that you want to remove all these addictions is so that you're free you're liberated and you're undistracted and you have the time and the energy and the awareness to get to work on yourself and to get to work on all your dreams on your life purpose on following through on your top values that's what it's all about this is one of the highest leverage things you can do to self actualize and to change the quality of your life because most people have so many of these addictions that from the time they wake up in the morning to the time they go to bed it's just a series of them living out one addiction after another it's like addictive breakfast then addictive work style then addictive phone addictive family life addictive relationship a addictive launched addictive more work addictive emails you know it's just like addiction to addictive entertainment and then addictive dinner and it's just addictions from morning tonight so we're in that schedule can you fit things like meditating contemplating reading good books going to seminars etc you can't you see you can't and that's one of the reasons that most people can't really self actualize is because there's just so stuck their schedule is just too full so start opening that up and then you'll get a lot more out of these videos alright that's it I'm signing off please click the like button for me share this episode with a friend and come check out actualized at work this is my website I have some exclusive resources there including my blog my life purpose course my book list the forum and other stuff that I hope to release in the future that you can only find there so check all that out subscribe to the newsletter and stick with me for more in the future you


  1. At 37:33 he says ,”Yeah I could eat quitting potato chips” whereas he meant “Yeah I could quit eating potato chips “ . Wow my observation is awesome 😎

  2. How to replace subtle addiction to being:
    1. Select one addiction.
    2. Write all the ways of manipulation.
    3. How is it the core of my identity?
    4. Why do I need it?
    5. How alternative would look like? (envision it)
    6. Could I really let it go?
    7. Set the intention: you will make it.
    8. Set indicator to a wrist.

  3. at first we may think a lot of these are 'normal habits' and not really addictions. for example efficiency. But that's why we need to go back to the initial part of the video where Leo defines what an addiction is…and then place the rest of the video in this context. For example if efficiency is my strength ….it s not an addiction…but if my need to be efficient is causing me to be negative towards those who are inefficient by my yardstick….and I m always doing that… is a subtle addiction. Thanks again Leo.

  4. I'm doing a long list as I watch this and rating myself from 1 to 10 of how much I indulge/get stuck in these behaviors. (0 being not at all) I'm really curious how certain more extreme personality traits (like ADHD, bipolar, autism etc) seems to coincide with certain addictions. Would be really interesting to hear about different personality types in general, for example using the Big 5 Aspects, and how different sort of people gravitate to different addictions.

  5. My addiction: Being constantly efficient and productive.

    Why do I need to be efficient and productive?

    To attain a degree, to live in a healthy environment, to be happy, deep down I think we are the labour the society needs since they give us so much (financial aid etc.).

  6. Now, I have a new addictions: your videos! Anyways, I think is a better addiction than any others!

  7. The general advice for dealing with these addictions is at 32:05. (The list of addictions is good too, but the description of the solution needs more re-listening.)

  8. Oh bloody hell, I wanted to get some emotional maturity and stop playing the victim, the more videos I watch the more of a mess I realise I am… Suppose better to know what I'm working with at the start, no surprises later 😛

  9. Yes, but people who are interested in self actualising like myself and obviously yourself, are addicted to learning, reading, seminars etc, so there is plenty of time for that yet it is still an addiction, it is just a different choice to other people. In my understanding of the universe, addiction is just another expression of expansion, and expansion is the purpose fo the universe.

  10. Aren't a lot of careers build on a subtle addiction? How can you avoid that if you are building a career around something you're passionate about?

  11. This is Real DEEP. Addictions are like endless cycles of drama, over and over again, without even realizing it. Thanks Leo, I was re-watching this episode.

  12. I don't know if you are going to answer this or not Leo but I really hope you will 🙂 Do you really think that addictions are a problem? I mean, do you really see it that way? That they are more of a problem than anything else in life (like self development for example)? And do you really think that self development is more important than other things people have in life (like career, addictions, etc etc)? I'd really like to know if you really see it that way or if it just sounds to me like you do. Thanks 🙂

  13. Yes I noticed that I judge everything , I think I am addicted to evaluating everything and then finding that it is not perfect

  14. This is soooooooooo great we are so lucky to have found someone who teaches us these things,we would most likely never know this unless we read for gazillion hours self help or psychology books

  15. Great video leo.
    I think we can apply this to really all sorts of addictions that exists including the gross ones. I loved a few points you made such as that of finding an alternative and the realisation of the fact that the problem is not in the activity itself but in one's relation to it. internet can be helpful but is an addiction for the majority. This is some real advice but it's deep hard work and with all the conditioning, we're addicted to quick results and minimum efforts. Ok, now that's another addiction to work on. sigh

  16. Your videos are life changing. Thank you so much for the knowledge that you share with us. More people like you are needed.

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