The Biggest Disease Affecting Humanity: “I’m Not Enough" | Marisa Peer

I'm going to give you today a crash course in how to run your brain for phenomenal phenomenal success I have been extraordinarily lucky not in my early life but certainly in my adult life because I am an unusual therapist I never want to be a conventional therapist ever and I've always been fascinated by how the mind works you know I spent all my adult life studying human behavior studying how the mind works and when you work with people like that you really see something extraordinary often very good but sometimes really how their mind works is actually to their detriment so when I was in therapy school I was taught what all therapists at or oh my god the mind is so complicated it takes a lifetime to even understand it let alone master it and when I started working I thought you know what I'm just not going to believe that because I was so privileged in working with extraordinary people I worked out very quickly that you need to know three things about your brain and if you know what these three things are and here they are and if you understand them and put them into practice you can have pretty much whatever you want so I'm going to start with number three that is the one that therapists find the most frustrating your mind loves what is familiar it doesn't really like what is unfamiliar with still why describes people and in a tribe you didn't really do anything to unfamiliar that was dangerous so the human mind likes what is familiar and it doesn't like what is unfamiliar junior how many lottery winners have lost all their money within two years of winning it I met this guy was doing a show in Edinburgh with lottery winners who've lost everything he won ten million sterling lost the whole lot in two years works in a biscuit factory makes 200 pounds a week and said he was happier he didn't like that money what was familiar to him was spending his paycheck every week and when he got that ten million he got rid of the whole lot so you got to make the familiar unfamiliar it's not difficult it changes your life so I'm working on this show in England and I'm taking celebrities are very fat and I'm making them thin and of course weight is an interesting thing do you know that 98% of diets fail 2% succeed and so some of these celebrities we gave them everything dieticians exercise machines Elizabeth way and then they'd have a pizza to celebrate after every weigh-in they'd order ice cream it's like no no no guys you've got to make this new behavior familiar you can't celebrate with Ben and Jerry's anyway the show is very good and it got sold to America and I got sold to America very exciting so I've gone to LA and my producers call me when I really need your help we one of our major celebrities because in America they were bigger in terms of stars and they were bigger in terms of weight – he said he's having a meltdown we're really worried he's gonna walk off the show if he walks off the show we're kind of screwed so go to his house today and do whatever you can keep him on the show MA I'll go now he's like what kind of car have you got I'm like I got a Mustang you rented it for me thank you is like okay you cannot put that Mustang outside his house you can only have a Porsche or a Ferrari or a Jag you're outside this house they don't even put it on the street that will wind him up put it around the corner so I'm driving along to Beverly Hills in my I thought very cool Mustang and I turn up at this like massive extraordinarily stunning house I knock on the door he lets me and he says them I don't know why they sent some Brit here to sort me out you know I've been in every rehab I've been every I've seen every therapist no one can help me I might let me see what I can do and then you said to me you have a look at my third wife something about you reminds me she was such a disappointment to me so I'm like this is an amazing house where we went I hate this house I'm leaving and I hate my neighbors I'm moving so I'm like okay and then I notice he has a bath there and I'm like you have a bath we weren't you know a curse it is to get AB after every time I make a film I'm expected to get another BAFTA so I'm like you know what I know what's wrong with you is that really what what I said you just don't think you're enough do you away this is already up for you you do not think that you are enough and considering how cranky he was big tears start to leak have his eyes I said do you think that's true and I'm like come on I know it's true and so do you I mean look you can't have a car on your drive unless it's a Porsche you've had four ex-wives they've all disappointed you you're BAFTA is a curse and you don't like this amazing house but anyway look tell me about your life so he's now quite mellow and he's telling me his life he's raised in a trailer park they have no money his dad's a construction worker when he can get work the mom works at a night nurse for more money and they're pretty much dirt poor and because the mums working nights every day he cooks his dad a construction workers dinner of meat vegetables potatoes and he has this weird stuff I've never heard of called saps which is milk soaked in bread and I'm like did your dad ever share his food he went are you kidding he would share that with a dog before he even gave me his leftovers I'm like well there it is if your own father doesn't like you if you don't even get the same food that you cook from if he prefers the dog to you none of your needs in there now children must idealize their parents that is the fact you have to idolize your parents and when your parents are wrong you can't ever get that so you think I'm wrong so what you've done is very common I'm not enough that's what my parents treat me like this I'm gonna get better and then they'll be great and that is the driver that has made you extraordinarily famous and successful but guess what used to think you're not enough and all this stuff is never gonna help you because you don't feel enough so if I was a doctor I was diagnosing you here's your diagnosis you don't think you're enough and here's your prescription I want you to say it every day in the shower I'm enough what else you can stay in there oh I love the smell of this term alone shampoo I'm enough you say that over and over and over again so he's quite up for it you've gone round his house and I've written on all his mirrors in big lips it got a lot of lipstick with four ex-wives I'm enough I've written I said just say it say it say it think it's I've written it and I've taken his phone I've put it on his phone alerts every morning every night it pings with I am enough anyway I've he stayed on the set and we've done a little bit of work then I've had to come back to London because I'm doing both shows six weeks here six weeks there six weeks later I'm back on my set and I'm going on to the studio I'm on the law and I'm walking to the recording student I see someone only about as far away as you when I see him and he sees me starts to undo his trousers then Ian does his shirt and I'm like is this guy really gonna flash me on a lot in LA and where is security and then I realized it's him and when I get close he went look at me I have lost so much weight look how flat my stomach is he said I never would have believed that those three words could change my life I won't will they do that they changed my life that's why I teach this everyone never never guess what I've sold the Porsche II cuz I've got a mini now I'm not a fat cranky bastard I don't need that Porsche and guess what else I've just started a date a hairdresser who said all my girlfriend models and actresses is I'm having a normal life he said it's like amazing so I stayed in touch with him and a couple of years ago a cool we went guess where I am I'm like tell me said I'm fishing in Iceland and guess what else I'm happy so I've never been happy in my life I've just got a normal life and I'm so happy so I'm back in England and a psychiatrist calls because I do very unusual occasionally when psychiatrists can't get anywhere they send me their clients and this psychiatrist said look we've got this girl she's tried to kill herself she's been sectioned I don't know what to do with her I'm so scared she's going to jump out of a window can you come and see what you can do so I'm like sure I've worked with him a lot so I've gone to this hospital and I've read her notes and I understand what's going on her mother killed herself when she was young she found her mother she's a City trader earning three million sterling a year she's a compulsive shopper and she's just tried to jump under a train so I've gone into her room and I said do you know what's wrong with you twin oh yes I have manic depression I'm bipolar and the compulsive shopper and I'm a hoarder I'm like you don't think you're enough I said all this other stuff your mom tried to kill herself what did kill herself and you found when any child going through that would think the same thought if I was enough how would my mom do that I couldn't I wasn't even nothing my mom to live or not even to kill herself well I didn't find it but all this shopping is just filler for the fact that you don't think you're enough and I said and I want to help you she said well I'm gonna kill myself it's not if it's when I'm like well okay but before you do that how about you just have a month of saying and they're not letting you out of here anyway so how about just saying I'm enough they're not letting you near any windows so you're really gonna be locked in this room for awhile but how about just doing it so I did the same thing took her phone put on it I'm enough and it goes off every morning every night wrote it on her mirror cause she was so very fragile I made her a recording i hypnotized i sat next to and I just said in her ear over and over again you are enough you are enough I made her say it back cuz she's so fragile I start to texture every day saying you're enough and she started texting me back I am enough and this girl had such a phenomenal transformation she gave up her job she started to charity for drew depressed people and this TV stations got her story and she's going to be on the TV and they said can you come on as well because you helped her like okay so gone on the TV this is not about me the show it's about her but at one stage the anchorman look to me remember what did you do what did you do that no one else did and I kind of took a bit of a breath of of it my god the but I think this is really whoo really la I went well I told her she was enough I made her recording to listen to everyday I wrote it on her hand I wrote it on a mirror and I wait for him to roll his eyes Lee went oh my god I love that I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna write that on my mirror and I think all our viewers will love that so I've gone home and I have thousands of emails saying and where can I get this book or I'm enough it's not a book it's a part of a book so I'm home in the psychiatrist Ramy went oh I saw the show as what do you think you weren't oh my god it's so depressing I'm like what the mother no you cured that girl in an hour I have been working with her for years I'm like well why don't you do what I do I mean I don't understand every psychiatrist is taught the common denominator of all our problems is we don't feel good enough smart enough pretty enough love with us when you do that psychiatrist how do you feel today and how did that make you feel what just really Sakai to do I clue what to do with you so I doesn't keep saying and how did that make you feel stop doing that go straight to what's wrong with them they doesn't matter what they feel they don't feel enough and then what's really interesting is I've got it going on in my house and my daughter is an artist and she sold up in her first showing she saw 2/3 of all her work in one night and then it stopped and she went on mom here you know it's so hard being an artist I just don't think I can do this anymore because people aren't buying my work and I'm like we know baby you have picked a career with a lot of rejection and you've got to learn that they're not rejecting you because you've actually made your art really edgy and dark it used to be really pretty and maybe if you don't like that but let me help you out you mustn't let rejection in they're not rejecting you so I've written on her mirror I'm enough in her bedroom in her studio an expert in her bathroom um that is so lame I am not having that on my walls cuz all my friends are gonna laugh at me and I'm like well you know baby you can take it off any time you like but how about just leaving it for a little while so gone back to the states they've come back I've run upstairs and there's my daughter painting painting painting and it's still up it's not all her walls and I'm like oh you didn't take it down she went you know Mom I was going to but all my friends went home and wrote it on their wall and my boyfriend wrote it on his wall and this is Miami this is the link I come back to this later here she is and I put it on my facebook page and it got so many likes so I left it up there it's still up there now so now I've got this plumber in my house he's going what's all that on your wall what what is that I'm enough and I went well you know it's my little philosophy changing the world is a big ask but I want to change people and the way to change them is by making them feel they're enough and say when my son you said he's so angry although he's it was a bit of a nerd he hasn't got any friends and I don't know what to do shall I get home and write that on his no I'm like no cuz you are dorky stupid dad never do that write it on your fridge and big fridge magnets and write it on your bathroom toilet mirror down says ER if you have a hole write it there anyway 12 years days 12 days ages back with my plumbing pot I've never had a plumber more keen to get back into my house he's not gonna rip me off and doesn't even learn oh my god he said that's like so weird he said he's still a nerd but he's a happy nerd he's doing some nerdy club and he's got some nerdy friends and he's not angry so but even more weird my wife is going through the menopause was so sad she says that every day he said now it was that I want to write it on the mirror of every bathroom I'm working and I'm like no you really can't do that yet maybe one day so this I'm enough it really changes people so a lot of you in this room you're interesting people creative people very very suggestible it's a huge gift when you understand that if you're creative you suggest whatever you tell your mind it believes and I'm fortunate of my clients I rather like the philip Seymour Hoffman's the Heath Ledger's the Robin Williams of the world that think they're not enough and give themselves really really bad suggestions so I'm sure some of you going hey Marissa I'm Way ahead of you I haven't known this for 10 years I know I'm enough I don't need this stuff which is great what about your children your wives your husband your staff your friends your family they really need this stuff so last month I got this very interesting job Conde Nast said fly to Paris they won't just speak to the editor of every single vogue and every vogue travel and all our magazines about why magazines aren't selling us like oh that's not really my remit but hey whatever so I've got on Eurostar gone to Paris and I'm gonna tell them the truth do you know why magaz the instant sell because you make women feel they're not enough and while fashion is all wonderful and lovely and I'm the first one to go I love my Prada handbag you could do so much more by meeting someone's emotional needs so anyway they're in the room I'm giving my tour I'm not quite sure how they're gonna go for it but um what's happening is oh I'll come back to this in a minute as I'm putting up my slides they're all getting out their cameras and they're all taking pictures and I'm telling them this story I gave a talk for Ernst and Young and when I finished I said any questions they went yes could you come back and give another talk as soon as possible I'm like sure so I've gone bat and this woman has run up went oh my god you changed my life in ten minutes and she said look what I've got on my hand I'm like is that pen do it no it's a tattoo I've had it tattooed on my hand and it's changed my life so all the vogue editors are taking a picture of this and I said the same thing to them actually there were some guys in the room I wasn't expecting that and I said look some of you probably are enough and you've got everything and you're at the top of your game and there's a CEO of condé nast I said but you know you have the same thing you have daughters you have sons you have family members you have people that need this stuff so even if you don't need it do it for them everyone I finish them like that was so awesome they said um we're counseling the whole day and we're taking you out to dinner and they didn't even put on the next speaker they did put him on the next day and I'm the head of Conde Nast said you know what I'm so glad you said that he said because I am okay I've got everything I'm happy with my two daughters they come on shoots they meet top models he said the eldest one is already beginning to show signs of anorexia I am going home I am so invested and I'm enough this I'm going to put that on my their walls I'm gonna have a piece of art commissioned of course the head of Conde Nast wrote a piece of art commissioned and it's gonna say I'm enough and I went to see one of my clients in Spain recently and she knows she's in a feud about everything she's beautiful lovely spiritual got great company I've walked in her office and she has a bank of computers and everyone is drinking with this screen say the saying I'm enough and you said you know what I put that on there for my staff because they're all like young girls young women but actually what's happened is it better employees they're also content they don't seem to have time off sick so it's become a win-win so how many of you can actually put your hand on your heart I may be somewhere I didn't feel enough you see we're all born knowing we're enough when I say take my little baby and I pride we've got I've got my god your baby's so cute and she didn't go dude look at me I'm having a bad hair day I have these triple knees and and I got a dirty nappy she would kick a little legs and smile cuz when you're a kid you know you're enough you get a round of applause when you pee in the toilet you blow your nose where's go my god you can blow his own nose you say the word cut there go here's a genius he just said cup and then you go to school and you know my daughter's gone to this private school she's come back me mummy what is a waste of space I'm like where did you hear that should my teacher said I'm a waste of space cuz I couldn't draw a circle okay come two weeks later I'm taking me to school she said mummy you see that little boy he can write his name in a box I can't do that I like baby your name is Phaedra the pea goes down the H goes up it's a beautiful unusual name his name is Sam in a year everyone can write their name in a box who cares you're a beautiful artist you're clever your buddy do not compare yourself to someone who can write the name in a box called Sam but that's what schools do and that's what your applicants oh how many of you here a willing to write that on your mirror you see this changed my plumbers son thank you let me see the hand again how many of you are gonna do that not just for you but for someone else you know you hear that saying if you make a difference to one person your life has meaning and purpose and if you do that you're going to make a difference to so many many people so your mind doesn't care what you tell it it believes everything you say so let me just go back to this lemon okay let me show you how your mind is your mind doesn't care if what you tell it is right or wrong good or bad healthy or unhealthy it lets it all in so here's a lemon big fat juicy lemon imagine you've got this in your hand put everything down put your hand in front of your mouth close your eyes I want you to imagine you're breathing in this wonderful lemon it's like all that great lemon smell and you're squeezing that lemon open your mouth cram that lemon into your mouth start sucking it I'm fighting it and chewing the flesh suck out that flesh and chew it and bite it and you all know what's happening your minds like oh my god you're eating a lemon that really damaging to tooth enamel let me wash that away and you're making saliva to a thot because your mind doesn't care it lets in anything you tell it so let me show you another one everyone stand up and everyone point their left arm at me just like that and all you're going to do quick practice they don't poke at your friends eye you're going to do that that's all you're going to do so take your arm put it as far behind as it will go push it to its limit look at where it is bring it back drop your arm down close your eyes stay where you are and I want you to say to your arm I'm going to repeat this in a minute you are going to go third further just tell your arm you will go 1/3 further see all the muscles in your arm like play-doh like elastic you're like Barbie now or Ken you've got a super flexible arm and it's going to go right behind you so see it going 1/3 further tell your arm to go 1/3 further point your arm out at me again before you start just know it is going to go 1/3 further because you told it to and because you've seen it do it again and just watch as your arm goes a whole third further because you told it to so let's do one more but thank you this is this is your mind guys your mind will do what you tell it now that you know that tell it great things all the time it does what you say you know I work with infertility it's not whoo-whoo I have extraordinary success at women who are 40 getting pregnant because they've said when they're 17 if I get pregnant at the end of the world oh my god will be a night would have a baby and then they can't get pregnant and I tell them I tell their body to be super fertile to give them a perfect egg they get pregnant they have perfect birth because your mind does what you tell it but when you go that'd be a night now that would be a disaster it goes well we're not going to go there so hands by your side feet together and you need to all close your eyes this is nothing scary it's just fun just seeing your own power so with your eyes closed and your feet by your side feet together hands I want you to imagine right in front of your chin is the most powerful magnet pulling you forwards you our hinging forward from the tune that magnet is so powerful it is pulling you pulling you pulling you your knees are locking you really to go up onto your tiptoes as that magnet pulls you and pulls you and pulls you forward forward don't try to stop it it's completely safe and now eyes closed that magnet has gone to the back of the back of your head and your whole head is pulling backwards backwards backwards you're leaning back you're hinging back your knees are locking your toes they're coming right up into the air as that magnet pulls you backwards backwards backwards and now it's gone right to the left of your left shoulder and just like the Leaning Tower of Pisa you are leaning your ear is pulled to the left your whole body is hinging you're going right onto the side of your left foot as that magnet pulls you and pulls you and pulls you to the left and open your eyes and take a seat you see how powerful you are your mind does whatever you say so I don't understand we're going I'm gonna that up that's not gonna work I know I'll get that wrong that's going to be a disaster so make the familiar unfamiliar one of the things that I find so interesting with a familiar oh these are all the things that come in all the time for Mom enough one of my clients someone made of this cake I love this one of my clients made that for me isn't that fantastic I mean if you can tell yourself a magnet is going to pull you off your feet well how about telling yourself that every single day one of my clients just made that you can't really see something this beautiful work of art and it says in the middle I'm enough personally I'd have that in massive letters because it's the most important thing but that's a lovely gift okay we'll go back so one of the things that's really really important to make familiar is praise and one of the things to make unfamiliar is criticism and if criticism is familiar and praise is unfamiliar guess what happens I want to say to you I love that talk you gave earlier and you're going to go back it wasn't very good I forgot the best bit and the other person was much better I might say to you I love that shirt and you're gonna go I've had it for five years but a hole in it I got it in a secondhand shop what are you doing you're making you don't like praise cuz it's unfamiliar so you're rejecting it and you are adding in criticism because that is familiar who here does there anyone here do that okay you got to stop because yeah cuz I told you to you've also got to stop creative people are massively suggestible but you've really got to stop because so this is the wrong way around the major cause of depression a harsh hurtful critical words that you say to yourself over and over again scientists know this they've known it for 10 years I'm going to tell you that again the major cause of depression is harsh hurtful critical words that you say to you so we know that preys massively boost your self-esteem and guess what diminishes it criticism criticism withers people praise builds them up but your own praise is more effective than someone else if I said to my PA oh my god you're indispensable to me I just love you could you work all weekend I have an agenda but when you praise yourself there's no agenda so I'm working with this novelist and he's really really very very depressed indeed he's right on the edge and every time I say something like oh my dad loved that feel because I was terrible the director got it all wrong the casting agent was wrong he cannot let him praise at all and his story so when he was 17 he was in love with this girl in his village she was in love with him his parents wanted to move 300 miles or 80 want to go and and his girlfriend's Parenthood you can come and live with us because she'll be heartbroken if you move and his parents said if you move we will never speak to you again so you move they cut him off at the knees they didn't even give him an address or a photo they never saw him he married this girl had three children hugely successful and she died and her parents died in an accident and now this guy is alone and devastated and he finds his parents and he says to them I'm all alone I just need you that I okay we'll let you done very well could you buy us a house okay with a serene pool okay she's brought in this amazing house and they are the most critical mean withholding people who've never praised him and his dad's died and now he's gone into this deep depression and I understand that because he's never got praised so I'm talking about this missing thing and I've said him listen what do you want what did you want your dad to say and I and I knew what it was he couldn't even say it so I put my hand on his shoulder I went you are a good son his shoulder started to shake he started to shake he cried so much you couldn't even hear me so then I went listen let this in you are a good son your dad is never gonna tell you about these daddies about it wouldn't say it when he was alive but you say it so I'm now making him say I'm a good son I'm a good son I can't even tell you how it transformed him so how many of you here have got a missing part something some teacher parent ex-girlfriend boyfriend someone has never said to you that you like to hear and it's all pretty much the same stuff I'm a good kid I'm a loving person I'm clever and my teachers always told me I was stupid and I let that in and now I don't let it in sir and I thought I was hideously ugly too but it doesn't matter because you can change so everyone close your eyes and you're going to say out loud what it is you want it no one's listening to you because all doing our own stuff so I want you to say it I am say that louder and make it familiar okay I want to hear you say it louder keep going I a good person a loving daughter a fantastic employee I don't want care what you say finish the sentence keep going I want you to keep doing this because you're going to make the familiar unfamiliar but now you're all going to say out loud really loud I am enough I am enough I've always been enough and now I know that I'm enough everyone else knows it too and I will always be enough and open your eyes so what you're doing here is you're making the familiar unfamiliar but the other thing about the brain which is really interesting is that it does what it thinks you want and you've got to be very careful telling your brain what you want so when I'm working on the show I'm watching these Marines and I'm noticing that these Marines are running up a hill in pitch black with a miner's white on their head carrying their own weight in a backpack and they're singing and this is how the brain work so the Marines running up the hill and you singing in the mines going um you seem to be running up a hill in the pouring rain with a miner's light strapped to your head through sheep with half your body weight in your back and you're soaking wet in the Marines going yeah bring it on I love it I'm singing and the brain is like oh yeah I kind of I'm getting that with a singing you like this well if you like it I don't need to do anything but of course the celebrity is like if you think I'm going out in that rain with a miners light on my head you are insane if you think I'm exercising in the rain you're mad so they told their brain they didn't want to do it so you got to tell your brain what you want so what happens when you say oh god I'm working so hard I really want to have a day off I'd love a week off lying in bed your brains like so this is you I've got to work all week hands rate I want a week or I just want some time to myself your brains like you want time to yourself leave that with me there you go I've given you the flu how cool is that now no one's coming near you because this is not communicating with your brain so if you have your own business you just do a little differently okay I'm working all weekend kind of hard but hey I want my own business I want success I'm choosing to do this these two words I'm choosing to do this and I'm choosing to feel great about it will change your life so you go I'm choosing to do this I'm choosing to work nights I want this I want to write my book through the night I feel good in your brains like really oh really and let me use even more important words I'm elated writing my book all night I'm delighted to spent weekends working your brains like yeah I'm getting that with the words nothing for me to do except I can set you on fire you're gonna write through the night now because you love this stuff your brain doesn't care so you got to be very careful how you communicate with your brain so who here isn't having great communication at having their mind understand they want to be really healthy and fit and have a great diet and not eat cake or pizza okay so this is bad communication with a brain give you a quick demo so you're in a restaurant and you go oh my god they have pizza I love pizza if I want to die and your brain goes pizza oh you gotta eat the pizza you love pizza no I'm on a diet yeah but last time you went oh my god this is Ritalin sex present eat the pizza no I'm having salad you guys like salad when did they ever give you intense pleasure eat the pizza nay gonna feel really bad I've eaten the pizza I feel guilty or brains like have more pizza that's why we call it comfort food and they go now I feel fat I feel guilty I feel bad and your brain is like have a beer have some ice cream because what you've done is your brain does what it thinks you want and when you have one pizza but I need to be thinner I want ice cream but on a diet you just crank up the desire this is how you get it right really easy say a situation oh they have pizza yeah it does look nice but no one looks really nice Pizza looks nice but what looks really nice is when I get on the scales every day and I'm my perfect weight where my clothes look great and your brains like no you love pizza yeah I thought I love pizza but actually I love being fit and healthy really really and just so you know I'm gonna use words like it thrills me to eat salad it delights me to take control of my house makes me feel good when I'm 95 I can eat pizza right now I wanted it really hot in my underwear maybe out of my underwear too and when I'm 95 that door is shut so right now I'm gonna choose to be thin she's feel great and your brain goes oh yeah I get that I get there and you know what I didn't learn any of this from a book I learned it from my clients I've got sent to work with this actress who's stunning and she's not eating they've had to shut down the set because of what she did so what she's done she eats cotton wool soaked in zero calories squash every day and sometimes blotting paper that's her very die cotton wool blotting paper zero calories squash to fill up her stomach and she can do it if she locks herself in the trailer while they're filming and but the director parent he's so incredibly unreasonable according to her see he's making her rehearse and all the food trucks have come in and now she's spelling the food she wants to eat so she's run into the bathroom and she started cramming toilet paper into her mouth a lot of toilet paper and she starts to choke and security kick down the door got rid of glamorous job pull up on this toilet paper out of her mouth and have said you know now our insurance is invalidated you got it you can't do that anymore so they brought me in and she said listen I am NOT giving that up I would rather die than be fair I will do anything to be thin do you know how hard it is to eat half a toilet roll dry unless you tell your mind I want to do this so the thing with the brain is you've got to tell it what you want I want this I've chosen that I've chosen to feel great about it your mind does what it thinks you want and this is not positive thinking this is clear precise specific programming with your mind when you tell it I want this I've chosen it I love it I feel great about it why do you think junkies can squirt heroin straight into their eyeball or inject themselves into the nipple or into their perineum because they say this is fantastic you and I wouldn't say that your mind doesn't care so tell it great stuff so the third thing about the mind I'm going to race through this a bit see these are all the words we use this is hell this is driving me insane your mind responds to two things the pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself there is nothing else and now that you know that you can change the pictures you can change the words there's no hell in your supermarket it isn't a torture to be in traffic so when you got on a plane what do you think see I'm waited to get on a plane I'm at the front of the queue and this woman in front of me is crying she's shaking she's having a really and her husband's begging and pleading please baby get on the plane and the ground crew like okay we've already called staff we're now taking her bags off the plane she can I got on the plane like that so I'm like oh my god now they're gonna take her luggage off we're all gonna miss our slot I've got to see this client I've got one half day to see him and the flights gonna take it off three hours late so I said listen let me help you I would have helped her anyway I said what's going on and she said him what I'm terrified of flying I'm like she said look look at that plane that's the flying coughing I'm like well that would make anyone terrified of flying so I said to her what did you do last night I knew she said him oh well I did all my laundry why is that well if I die I don't want anyone going through my laundry Barsky I like do you do that when you go to the store and of course I don't I'm like no cuz you don't even have a fear of flying you know what you have you have a fear of not being in control but guess what when you change the pictures in your head it changes everything so I can get you on that plane in a few minutes and I was telling her but I took my daughter on a ride to Disney and I thought we're gonna go round and round we got on this thing it went up and then he went down I thought my brain was gonna be scrambled in my head I can't tell you how much I hated it my daughter started screaming she couldn't so I start to try to god I love this this is fantastic this is amazing my daughter's looking at me like really and when we went down again it's such because mom did you like that I'm like no no but I knew that if I started going oh my god I hate it I'm gonna intensify the pain if I say I love it my brains Confucious well I was confused halfway through I kind of started to like here Sonlight so telling this once we get on the plane we're gonna confuse your brain we're gonna hold hands we're gonna go I love it this is like being a funfair so she's like okay and then she said to me do you want me to lie to my brain I'm like hell yes I want you to lie and cheat and Stuart is like what yeah lie to your brain cheat fear and steal back that phenomenal confident to a woman there's a kid you didn't even know what a fear of flying was so like sheet and steel and then she said to me so we got on the plane she's lying cheating stealing is great what great therapists titled anything look title of my new book because I'm very unconventional I love that all these service going on my god how could you call a book life cheat and steal that's so disingenuous anyway we got on the plane I hold her hand we pretend her at the funfair we take off and then she looks at me went oh my god why did no one tell me how easy this is can it be that easy yes it can then she said to me wall why doesn't everyone know about this I'm like yeah I'm working on that I need a lot of help so you guys can really help me with this thing so let me just summarize everything we've done today because it is not hard work I promise you first of all you're going to make anything that is negative unfamiliar you're going to make anything that is positive really really familiar you're going to change the pictures in your head you're going to change the words and you're going to tell your brain what you want never forget that Magna because it's going to tell you what you want see you can even them when you get your we can even hold lions once you get your brain in a different state because you you just become fearless anyway that's slightly irrelevant I wasn't even supposed to be there but never mind so tell your brain what you want make the familiar unfamiliar the familiar unfamiliar if it's negative change the pictures and words in your head and finally use these words all the time I have chosen to do this I've chosen to feel great about it and I'm enough and if you just did the last two if you only do the last two that is so phenomenal so I'm not going to tell you this will change your life hell no I'm going to promise you I'm going to guarantee you that if you tell yourself you're enough use those words I've chosen this tell your brain what you want using really specific detailed up-to-the-minute relevant words you can have whatever you want


  1. It's a tranny! This is NOT a natural born woman! If you can't be honest about that then NOTHING you say will have any credibility

  2. Marisa, thank you. What to do in the case of self sabotage. My parents were m-f, 9-5 work-a-day people, striving to keep up with the Jones'es all their life. Both died in their early 60's, my father penniless – lost it all. I swore I would never do that, never work 'for the man', took some strange vow of poverty, have worked just enough to get by, don't work enough to pay much taxes. Mother always said "you can't possibly make a living being a gardener, or a farmer, etc". But I do, barely, I love my life and the freedom I have, but it would be nice to have a lot more money…

  3. Marisa your great I love your videos, the power of the words are very strongs and you say the true, I love how you teach, I am a pediatrician an I am going to practice your advices.

  4. Last year, something happened, I didn't know what but it took away all my confidence and power. I was left feeling confused and last year seemed like another lifetime. But now, I know how to get back my lost self and be myself truly again. Thank You

  5. I would love to meet this women. This speech is so useful and powerful. Thank you 🙏🏼🔥🙌🏼💚

  6. She says the two most powerful things for you mind is the images and the words you say. This is so encouraging because I have recently started visualising. Which requires me to imagine myself when my goal is met and use positive words to describe how it feels.

  7. Im enough. Im good energy. I'm beautiful. I'm rich. I'm kind. I'm good person. I'm energetic. I'm peacefull. I'm. I'm healthy. I'm wealthy. I'm taking good care of myself. I'm achieving. I'm moving forward. I'm moving in right direction.

  8. How to reconcile the "I am enough" mindset (Marisa Peer) with a growth (thus, I'm not "enough" enough) mindset (Carol Dweck)?

  9. "Worry is like a rocking chair; always in motion, not going anywhere".
    James Joyce. Certainly it's very true… yet there is a significant
    difference between somebody's inner worry and the objective real
    fearsome circumstances. Brave people are able to combat fear and don't
    mind worries. But some cannot and it goes for some fantastic artists,
    and some people of scientific mind as well. I mean MM, Sylvia Plath,
    Dorothy Dandridge, Boltzman- brilliant mathematician, you name them…
    Exchanging collective knowledge is amazing… isn't it ? Ha ha ha… But
    nothing compares to you…. I mean your imagination and courage of

  10. I'm 39, have no friends, have never had a real friend. not ever. have never fit in
    part of me just thinks I don't stand a chance
    at being "normal" in this world.

  11. I use affirmations often for my job. I am a public speaker/salesman. Ive read and listened to many training in NLP tony Robbins, zig ziglar, Jim Rohn, Og mandino and all of the rest of the field etc. to compensate and change how I feel about myself. You nailed it with this talk…My entire life ( Im 55 ) I have struggled with feeling that I was not enough. This message, technique is so much simpler and easy to practice for the beginner and someone like myself who has never stayed consistent with the above because it is complicated, takes alot of time and difficult to maintain. I am excited to add this to my life and I know it will make a difference. thank you for posting this

  12. Her the is really good. I was disructed by tight dress for her age. I this was what going through my mind. I may be wrong.

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