Therapy sessions from a therapist’s perspective! w/Kati Morton | Kati Morton

Hey everybody! Happy Thursday! Now, today’s video is actually something that I have been excited to talk about and it’s a question I received a couple of weeks ago; I keep your questions in this huge document: don’t think that they’re going unanswered, or lost! They’re in this document that I hold. And this question says “Hey Kati, could you do a video on therapy from the therapist’s perspective? Kinda like an inside view on the process. Like what do you think or feel when having a session? Do therapists ever have moments when they don’t know what or say? Or someone brings up something they didn’t expect? How do you handle that? What if a session takes an unexpected turn? Uhhh! Do you ever have problems identifying with the client, or do you identify too much? Lots of random questions, but I thought the idea of an “inside look” of therapy would be interesting and informative. Thanks for everything you do, and just for being you!’ Awwe! I think this is really cool, and something which I hadn’t thought about sharing; but I’m sure just like everyone, you have your own experiences at a therapy session as a client; therapists are all going to be different. So, I’m just answering this from my perspective, what I know, and my experience. And I’m going to try and go through her questions one by one: So, the first, part… she said “Do therapists ever have moments when they don’t know what to say?” Or someone brings up something they were not expecting?” And definitely; There are definite times where I will have… there’s a problem that has been presented. and, even though I may know; because a lot of the time we therapists know what the quote-on-quote answer is They just need to do this – to fix the problem because I’m trying to get you there. And me telling you, that doesn’t help you! You have to figure it out. And, so there are times when I kinda come to a roadblock, where they’re not…. like getting what I want them to get; I don’t know how else to say it, and I”ll be at a loss for words. And I’ll just be honest; I’m kinda one of those types of therapists where I will just say: “Honestly, I really don’t know what to say right now” We’ve tried, y’know… and just talk about the process and usually, by doing that, we come unstuck: Either the client is like “Oh I see something” or they recognise something Or I like; “oh here’s another way we could go about it…” And so, cos there’s never one way to get there; it’s not like, you know, Google Maps or something this is how you get from A to B it’s more like ways, for those of you who know the Ways app; like, we can go all these different directions to get to the same end point. The second part of the question: says Erm, “what if a session takes an unexpected turn; do you have have…” oh, that’s another one! If it takes an unexpected turn that, honestly, I never go into sessions having a pre-planned idea of what we’re going to talk about. I have a nugget of where I’d like to go, because I can’t go into a session unprepared. That would be bad. But I also don’t go in thinking “this is what we have to accomplish” because I would be upset all of the time. And so, always sessions are often taking unexpected turns of clients, the last ten minutes of the session, we call them erm, we used to call them, what was it? errr, door… confessions, or something, as they’re about to leave they confess like a big deal. And I’ll have that happen all the time where somebody’s like “oh, by the way…” Errm “I was sexually abused for like ten years” or, “oh by the way, you know, I purge all the food I eat, bye!” and so I’ll get like these kinds of drop-offs at the end and that just gives me something to work with: erm, for the next session. So often I will just say that, I’ll say “thank you so much for sharing, I feel glad you feel safe doing that lets table that for next week” and we just move on because there’s not enough time and if we open that up, it’s going to take a long time for them to feel safe to leave. Erm “Do you ever have problems identifying with the client, or identifying too much?” Definitely, we’re human too, right? It’s all about the relationship; and that’s why I talk so much on my channel about finding the right fit I know, not of us all have all sorts of opportunities and referrals and stuff like that, and… hopefully that will get better and that’s like one of my global goals to change how mental health operates worldwide, but in the meantime, try to find someone who you can at least connect with because as therapists, I’ve referred clients out when I don’t feel we’re really connecting or they’ll just not want to make appointments, and I just won’t y’know I’ll be like “yeah, wonderful to see you and meet you, here are some other people you might like” and that’s kinda part of the process, that’s completely normal. Erm, identifying too much, definitely, that can also be bad too and it’s a struggle for therapists at lot of the time with counter-transfers so like if they’ve gone through Lets say I was in recovery from alcoholism. I’m not, but lets say I was; and somebody comes into my office.. I don’t deal with that because it’s too close to home and then I find out they’re doing that, I might have to refer them out because it would be too hard for me to keep my own shit out of the room. Which is kind of important when you’re trying to help someone else. And…. erm, I think that was it, yeah so I hope that was kind of interesting and informative I know that there’s a lot of, you know, behind the smoke and mirrors of a therapist but, we’re people too and a lot of thing that you wonder about or worry about like we’re human. So, yeah, we’re not going to know what to say, we’re… gonna fumble our words sometimes we’re going to like people and not like others, we have the human condition just like you. So, I hope you like this! Leave all your questions in the comments, make sure you give us a thumbs up, and don’t forget to subscribe if you’ve not subscribed. I put out two videos a week and you don’t wanna miss ’em! And I’ll see you next time.

100 comments

  1. This is a great perspective of therapy. I personally developed some sort of mistrust of therapists because of some unsatisfactory past therapies.

  2. I need you to do a video on when a borderline is attached to you, Kati, and I'll never meet you because I'm not in America.

  3. Hi Kati

    I love how real and down to earth you are. I am currently studying Psychotherapy and nearly at a point of marketing myself and getting to that first session.
    Any advise you might have ?

  4. I would like to talk to you because I don't know what to do any more. Can you text me on Instagram ( my_hero_is_hope_solo)

  5. 3:10 – that was literally how I told my psychologist I was sexually assaulted for like 3 years …. Just as I was leaving I handed her a piece of paper which said "I was molested repeatedly for 3 years" and then just walked out ahaha whoops

  6. Also you got the trichotillomania..what are things that made you start to take a video about trichotillomania?It makes you better if you are doing video?

  7. Please please please do one like "confessions of a therapist" or "what your therapist really thinks" – I follow this blog that does that and it's a really good insight

  8. im not a therapist and i know what to say most of the time to people who are going through a hard time !. if you are just doing it for the money please stop.! There are people out there who really need real therapy help. if you don't know what to say don't even try to sit with someone who needs help and tell them bs.

  9. Kati, with any of the CSA trauma therapy techniques how do you balance healing from re traumatizing with a client? Obviously with this type of work looking at all this yucky junk can make you worse before better but how do you know if it is just the process or if it is to much for the client and they are experiencing more harm than good? I personally thought I was working well in therapy having a couple bad days after but less and less than my therapist said she felt it was re traumatizing me and stopped care. Love your videos your the best. Thank you

  10. My therapist/counselor says I am "Hard to work with". I dont tell her anything and litterally have told her it is a waste of time multiple times. I am kind of acting like a bitch when I talk to her but idc. I fucking hate it, it doesn't help at all.

  11. I would love to see a video on "tips and tricks"/ ways to get someone who is shy about their problems to open up. Like a lot of people are shy and feel uncomfortable. How do you deal with that?if people don't answer your questions do you just move on and change the topic or try another "technique" to get it out of them? I just know that people can be stubborn because we feel awkward talking to someone, especially when they're new, and are worried about being judged. So I was wondering basically how you help a patient of yours to open up so you can help them with their problems.

  12. Can you do a video on Skype therapy or video chatting with a therapist? Let's say you are struggling finding a therapist you connect with and you found one but she is thousands of miles away?

  13. Hi Kati, my therapist said, I have thought blocking and can't help me with that. She said I'm too confrontational and paranoid.
    I ended up telling her I may need help from someone who may understand me, cause I don't understand myself, and I don't think she understands me.

  14. if we are all humans then why are the ethics for therapists so anti communicative, inhumane, anti social, and greatly unequal and imbalanced by example and for society? I have a great horror story experience because of their ethics.

  15. transferring, would be healthy communication. its labeled as transferring, it can also be labeled as a friend with a similar experience. an equal, but to be equal is not within the guidelines of therapists ethics.

  16. I just started watching Kati (and of course subscribed!) but I love her! She's very real and honest and open. She says "shit" and just think that's awesome. She's real and I like that about her!! I don't like therapists who are all stuck up, behind their desk, watching the clock! Thanks Kati and I will for sure keep watching!! ๐Ÿ˜Š

  17. Hi Kati, I think my therapist is not getting it, or me. I kinda came out with my own diagnosis, and he said: why do you wanna be diagnosed so bad? … Like, honestly? I feel so thrown out with this response… what should I do? should I quit or should I tell him that my sessions have been really really slow and I need fast answers? HELP PLEASE

  18. I'm seeing my first therapist/CBT this Wednesday and I'm anxious. Hopefully, she can help me when I'm over there.

  19. Can you do a video on hoardings? WHY do we hoard, what causes the need to hoard? How are some ways we can learn to let go and be healed from the feeling of needing to hold on to stuff?

  20. Kati, apart from your channel there is literally nothing of this level from the therapist's perspective anywhere else on YouTube! Thank you so much and please keep us posted!

  21. Therapist: โ€œOkay so this is the end of your session. Did you-โ€œ

    Me: โ€œoh by the way I hate my self. Bye!โ€

    therapist just sits there staring at me

  22. I go through the same thing with the therapist ever time i ask a question she respons what do you mean i gave better answer comming from google then a therapist iam in a plentonic relationship with a girl and currently she is borrowing money from me but i want to show her i can be more of a man "marriage" if you go on google and i forgot got to mention she lesbian so right now she is having a sleep over with a girl and and the girl who is sleeping over has a married man in her life go figure at this point and time anything can happen with the straight and lesbian friend lesbian and straight has a gf and the other has a husband what one got with in then the other in the u.k.
    Same sex marriage is trying to reproduce children through the same sex in sex. the odds if those two having sex and creating a kid eggs turning into sperm in the u.k. albert einstien anything is possible the lesbian and straight creating kids really any advice much appreciated

  23. I think transference and countertransference are neither inherently good or bad; that there are a lot of levels to be worked on here besides identifying the attraction or which relative/s one or the other is correlating with the therapist. When the relationship becomes too close for the therapists comfort, it may be the "borderline projection" transferring the negative stereotype that education sets in the forefront scaring the therapist to "leave" just as the client has struggled to stay to this point of entering into close or intimate feelings. If the negative aspects of education are the transference, the therapist might be misidentifying that as the patient actually "expressing borderline traits or feelings" instead of seeing it may actually be the textbook descriptions getting transferred, in which case it is the stigma of the past ways of educating that need to be revised, such as the DSM periodically updates symptoms, criteria, and disorders. If this gets "misssed," borderline clients may get the boot for wanting things to be "too friendly," when actually it was more that the therapist's own learning that was identifying a page or chapter from a book and judging it to rather be part of the clients behavior when it may have been their own heightened emotion when they "thought" didactic was meeting clinical and so they may respond to terminate the therapeutic relationship prematurely. Of course, both things may be there also, spiraling around something else all together that both of you might discover and then the therapist would have something new to report to their own supervisor/therapist. Of course making sure all parties are safe and comfortable are of the utmost importance. I just think sometimes we just need to ask, "what else is there," or what can this be besides BPD/transference situation. This is my first commenting. I really like your videos Kati and the honesty I see with reading everyone's comments.

  24. Sooooooo interesting. More videos about this! I really want to know about how patients heal if they have like a lifetime of issues but couldn't afford therapy until they were older.

  25. I find it interesting that you call them clients and not patients. I just assumed I would be looked at as a patient if I went into therapy. Is this just a personal word choice, or is there meaning behind choosing one or the other? Really loving your videos. Just found them three days ago. I'm bingeing trying to pull all the info in as fast as I can because it's so interesting! Thank you for taking the time to share all of this with an audience. I'm sure it's hard work and certainly time consuming. I do love how succinct you are. Clearly, I'm not. I have a lot of trouble stating my feelings properly. Sometimes there's such a block between feelings and verbalizing that I literally am saying uuuummmmm, searching for the right words. Very frustrating.

  26. my cbt therapist called me I am a b'''h, "get out of my office", "is there something else you want to talk about"???!!! Then we talked on the phone and confirmed our next appointment, but I think I just want to part well with him. he also said he is using a proven method on me.

  27. wow , Im so glad I found you when I did .. I appreciate your hard work /videos ! Please keep it up ..it really helps a lot …

  28. I am very dissociative. I am SO glad that you brought up the idea of smelling something strong! I got essential oil of peppermint and it's helping more than anything else.Feeling my butt in the chair,arms on the armrests, isn't enough. I am gone too fast.Thank you! I tried feeling different fabrics once, and it had a positive affect on me, but it only helped for about 5-10 minutes.

  29. hi! when you are a student therapist you have to get therapy as a component of your course. but you're a student and have no money. what can you do to be able to afford them?

  30. Hi my name is Daniel Cesar my family wants me to do therapy but I feel that it will not work. I feel the therapist would just make me mad? I have had suicidal thoughts in the past please help .

  31. I was wondering , is it normal to feel like your wasting your therapists time and saying things that are irrelevant, despite reassurance from her that itโ€™s not? I also feel like other people need her more than me and feel bad asking for another appointment, is it just me that feels like that? Xxx

  32. I'm studying counselling and I've had this meeting with my,well,he's kinda like a career counsellor and the meeting was going ok and all of a sudden he says "Fucking" which made me feel more comforable I guess because I realised "Hey,he's a person too"
    So I wonder do you ever do something that might be "risky" or be seen inappropriate? I mean do therapists swear? Or do you have to keep it VERY professional?

  33. I think the term you were looking for is door knob therapy; yes I do get them a lot. What I do is talk about it at the next session. Question, should I send a quick email about that between sessions?

  34. What if a Therapist has tons of clients all attached to them? Doesn't that get over burdensome? I hate this attachment thing. It is too child like but I be damned if I do and damed if I don't. My neediness is going to kill me and eventually ruin my therapist.

  35. Have you ever spoken about feeling like you don't need therapy? Logically I can say, yea, I need help, but I've had my problems for so long that it's because my norm so I don't feel like there's any change that /needs/ to happen.

  36. Thank you Kati…I have recently found a wonderful shrink and he really is good to me but Iโ€™ve been through hell with previous shrinks and you nailed it…they couldnโ€™t keep their shit outta the room! Well done sister ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’›

  37. I absolutely love you Kati! You are a true hero. You have helped me through so much in a few months. It seems that every time I start getting depressed you make a video, and I cheer up! Thank you kati!โ™ฅ๏ธ

  38. Hi, Kati, just found your channel and LOVE it! Just curious: do therapists consider the Meyers Briggs personality test as a valid measure of personality type? If it isn't too personal, can I ask what your type is?

  39. Kati, Could you talk a little about impulsive behavior. Is it a behavioral/learned behavior, or is it any way related to a chemical imbalance in the brain ? brought the first house we looked at. Brought my daughter a car simply because she said she wanted to be able to go to the gym. ( she NEVER WENT) . Past HX Parental sexual assault, 12 years with 4 different therapists, SSRI @ 50 mg.has definitely a happier balance person then I was when I lived with the sperm donor. Your you tube posts are the best !!

  40. Saw a therapist a few days ago and Iโ€™m going back for a 2nd one in 4 days and Iโ€™m just wondering is there a way to find out if I have depression from a professional? Iโ€™m only 13 though so idk

  41. You are so beautiful and I almost died while I was watching this video. I hate myself. I wish I could have a self-esteem. Crap. I really feel like I have ruined my life and I'm only 22

  42. For me, therapy sessions never helped. For me the best thing is exercise, sleep and stress-free self care days ๐Ÿ™‚

  43. Thank you so much im still young but i want to be a therapist I've grown up wanting to help people idk what therapist i wanna be yet probably a physiatrist or something to that effect but I Was studying and writing in a journal that might help in the future thx this helped so much. Please keep making more videos and im subscribed now. Thxxx

  44. Hi. Kati I want to communicate with you about translating your video to different language like "arabic" & I want to know more details about working with you as translator
    .. I am very interested in your topics & I find it very helpful

  45. The whole โ€œoh by the way I purge all my food that I eat byeโ€ made me laugh so hard because there are times where that happens because of how the conversation turns but then the times up so itโ€™s this awkward finishing to the session. Relatable but also kinda funny in a dark way.

  46. Therapists are like human librarians. They get to keep all these memories and life stories in their mind. They see the deepest pain and experience of society. And with each case, their practice gets stronger.

  47. Why keep your stuff out of the session? Sometimes it can be helpful to connect so they understand that you get them and can help them because you've gone through it.

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