Too attached to your therapist? | kati morton | Kati Morton

– Hey everybody. Today I’m going to answer
the question that many of you have asked. And that is, how do I know if I’m too attached to my therapist. (electronic music) Now before we even jump into how we actually know
if we’re too attached, I want to talk about why this happens. Because it is very common,
and I don’t want you to think anything’s wrong with
you, or this is weird. There is a real reason why
we struggle with attachment when we’re in therapy. So the reason that we find this happens, is because when we were growing up, at some point in our
life, at a pivotal moment, a lot of times it’s
childhood but not always, we are seeking connection
and support and love and all of that from a person. Usually this is a caretaker,
like a mother, father, grandmother, whoever’s responsible for taking care of us when we’re little. And we didn’t get what we needed. And so in a way, while we’re developing and we’re growing and we’re getting older, we are kinda like missing a little part. Like we needed extra support. Maybe we needed extra cuddles, extra words of affirmation. We needed some more, and we didn’t get it. And so we kinda have this little hole. And many people will
walk around in their life just ignoring that that hole even exists. Just doing other things,
trying to numb out. That’s where eating
disorders, self-injury, all those behaviors kinda come out of, is like, we’re just, we
don’t want to deal with it we’re like putting it in a
closet and closing that closet and I’m never gonna get into there again, I’m just going to let it go. And that’s really adaptive. Actually, give yourself
a little pat on the back, because that’s what kep you going, that’s what helped you survive. And so that’s kinda why
some of those symptoms and some of those mental illnesses exist, is because we had a need that wasn’t met, and we found other ways to
kind of distract or numb out, so we really have to tend to it. But, here’s the big but. When we get into therapy,
we finally encounter someone who may be able to help us with this. Maybe, in fact, maybe they
can even fill that hole, that need that we had. Maybe they can come in and help us heal, and be the person that was
caring and understanding. And this is why attachment in therapy can be such a tricky thing. And it can be something that
we really struggle with. So getting into therapy can
kind of open up that closet that we shut all that time ago. And all those feelings and
needs and wants come out. And, if a therapist is too dismissive and doesn’t take the time to
sort through all the things and talk with you about it, be compassionate and understanding, it could actually do more harm than good. Essentially making that hole
larger, and that need stronger. And so, it’s really important
that you communicate with your therapist, you find a therapist who is understanding and
caring and can meet you there, because that’s when we can start to heal. That rolls into my next portion which is how can we stop this from happening. Okay, so we kinda know why it exists. How do we stop it from
continuing to happen? Maybe we’ve had a bunch
of failed relationships or failed therapeutic relationships and we want to move in
to a more healthy place, so how do we stop it? I want you to first understand
that a therapist’s job is not to fill those needs. It’s not to fill the hole
that we have from childhood or some part of our life. Our job, as a therapist,
I can say that my job is to listen to you, to be understanding, caring and compassionate as
you feel all those feelings. I find in my practice the
most common things that my clients experience when
we’re going through something like this is grief, number one. Number two, a lot of anger,
because there’s so much hurt there, right? There were things that we needed. Someone was there, they’re
supposed to be caring for us and they didn’t. In fact, maybe they abused us. There’s so much in there,
that the true necessity and the true role of a
therapist is to just listen. Give you the space. Be compassionate and understanding
as you process through all the various feelings you may feel. So what does that mean? That means in therapy, that the therapist is going to have to clearly
communicate healthy boundaries and uphold them with you. And constantly have a dialogue
about why they’re there, and why they keep you both safe and allow you to express all that you feel while going through all of this, and they show empathy and understanding. And to wrap up this video,
because the whole question is, how do we know when we’re too attached? The way that we know is
when we find ourselves wanting to put our
therapists in that space. That space that we needed. The care, the love. When we start thinking
of them like that parent that we didn’t have or maybe that spouse that we really wanted. Romantic feelings can
come out of this as well. When we find ourselves thinking
of them in that capacity, that’s how we know we’re too attached. But know that that’s completely normal, and if you do feel that happening, that’s something to
communicate with your therapist because then and only
then can they really know what you’re thinking
and how you’re feeling about the relationship,
and then work to set up healthy boundaries, so
that you can actually have the space you need to process through all that’s gone on. Does that make sense? I hope that makes sense. Let me know in the comments
if you struggle with this, were there other red flags that I missed that you noticed, and
that’s why you brought it up with your therapist? Let us know. And if you’re new to my channel, don’t forget to subscribe and
turn on your notifications. I put out two videos a week, and you don’t want to miss them. And I will see you next time. Bye.

100 comments

  1. Thank you for this video… it is so hard! For me, the hole is not so small but a gaping f-ing black hole of shame, hurt, and anger that it won't go away. I am painfully aware of when it is happening and aware my attachment issues. It feels like it will always be a giant issue. It's hard to move past!

  2. Oh yeah, well, you're just a talking floating head.

    Jk 🙂 I think I know when this happens with people because I start to be angry with them and try to push them away.

  3. Question: How do you know when you have found your happy middle in a therapy relationship? I am on my 5th therapist… With each one I have felt like something was missing. I feel distant from most of them. Is that how it is suppose to be? It is weird telling someone you know hardly anything about your whole life issues.

  4. I struggle with this so much and I honestly didn't know so many others did too, it's not only with my therapist, but with most adult females in my life who have some sort of role of caring for me. I've only just started therapy this year, but it's my last two weeks at uni now so I have to end the sessions and have barely had enough time to get into this issue so I'm worried about how it will manifest in the future. Thank you so much for making your videos 💜

  5. Hi kati I'm not to good at moment loving watching your videos I live in the uk i need help with my b p d I want to do d b t therapy which helps borderline I ask my p yschiatriast didn't get answer it seems no one willing to help even when you ask for help lots of love to you and Sean xx

  6. My therapist stopped letting me see her because of this 😭 Thank you for posting this video!! I vowed she would be the last therapist I ever see.

  7. I should try to find a therapist. I used to believe that therapy probably wouldn't help me, and I never went for it. But your videos have influenced me in a positive way and now I think therapy might be something I'm missing out on.

  8. Oh God I'm crying watching this, not because I'm to attached to my therapist (not yet anyway!!) but because I have just realized that I have spent my whole life searching for someone/anyone who could fill that void. Someone who would make me feel like I matter, someone who would give me a hug and tell me it was going to be OK. Thanks Kati for another great video.

  9. I looove how you explained this, it made complete sense and actually explained some of my behaviors in the past. I´m still struggling with separating my self worth from my performance at school and work, and I soooo use that to fill my needs.
    The sad thing is that I once put a dear family member in that space and I think that must have hurt or scared them. At the time I was so needy and desperate that it felt like abuse when they told me to back off, but now I think I was the unfair one.

  10. I was attached to my first therapist for the same reasons Kati said. I only really struggled with it when I had to change therapists but, now I'm handing it ok 🙂

  11. I struggle with this A LOT!I think another "symptom" of this is getting obsessed over your therapist and thinking about them a lot.I personally do.
    This video was so amazing!Pls pls keep making videos like this one.I can't get enough of these vids of yours with this topic and thank God,you do have quite a few.You have made me realise I am not crazy for this attachment and that what I experience is normal and you have even helped me understand why it happens to me.I can't thank you enough!Thanks to you I have walked 👣 so much further in my recover ❤

  12. Don't know of you've already done a video response to this Q but: What can I do if I'm experiencing sexual attraction to my therapist, but I don't want to switch because it's too hard to trust others? Specifically of same sex male attraction.
    (This isn't a personal issue rn as I've moved places, but I'm interested in your thoughts and advice)

  13. Last year I was in a psych ward and so I had different doctors then my daily doctors so I had a psychologist who i only knew for 9 days and I was vary attach to him I'm over that now but I hate how attach I get easy

  14. Well if 222K subscribers got too attached to Kati I would not want to be the secretary having to answer the cable company phone when the internet goes down.

  15. Hi Kati! I just found your channel and subscribed….I wish I found you years ago. I just had my second therapy appt today and they have been pretty structured sessions, which I like. But I've been wanting to talk about something with him something but it's not specifically on the tx plan. The hour session seems to go by so freaking fast and I don't know how (or when) to interjected with another one of my current struggles. Should I wait and just tackle this one struggle before discussing another? Thank you for your videos!

  16. I got way to attached to my first therapist. It started out as me trying to seek empathy and compassion from her, which led to some surface attraction. What really took it to the extreme was that we had a few instances of physical contact. I more or less fell into lust, both physically and emotionally. We ended the theraputic relationship eventually and I went on my way. Some time later my mental health started to decline and I went back to see if she would take me on as a patient again. Almost immediately I noticed that we fell back into the same roles as before. In the end she turned me down and referred me some place else. Deep down I know it was the right thing to do, but it did crush me for awhile. It's hard to admit, but I do still think about her to this day.

  17. so basically you just sit there and listen to them whine and pretend to care?
    what about people who arent your clients anymore? whats wrong with keeping in contact long after therapy is over and theyre over it? i get on so well with my therapist – i've been going to see her for 5 years and progress is slowly starting to be made. i am worried that when i reach that place where objectively i'll no longer need therapy i will lose a wonderful person i'll hold a deep place in my heart. i was even thinking of naming my child after her if i ever have a baby, i feel the bond is that deep. shes been supportive of me and has said i've made progress even if its slow. progress is progress. the notion of handing six sessions only like other places do is useless and stupid.

  18. This is so helpful for me right now, Kati. Thank you. Its something prevelant in my life. Ive realized to some extent I have been attached to my therapist because I lost my mom when I was 12 and she could be my mom and I think in part I projected that on to her. Its something Im working with her with. I am 25 now, parentless completely and she has brought comfort that I am aching and grieving for..

  19. Where I live we have a set number of therapy sessions you can get before termination. My problems, as my therapist has said, are very complex (PTSD, social anxiety, bipolar ii are complicated by my autism, which was a recent diagnosis) would need much more time than what I can get on the NHS. Therapy is the only thing that has helped in the ten years I've been trying but is there any point if it's not going to get me anywhere near the place I need to be to keep myself functioning?

  20. What if unmet needs are physical ones, like touch both platonic and romantic? I understand that needs can be different for everyone.

  21. hi every one . katie can you pleas make a schedule about your stream i want to be there but i don't
     know when you stream . and thanks

  22. I actually have the opposite of this. I've been to therapy a few times and every single time I never actually talk to them. I act like everything is fine even though I'm PAYING THEM to help me. I just completely disconnect. Is there a way i can fix this…? Advice?

  23. Do you have any tips to properly/most effectively communicate this attachment you are feeling towards them??? I would feel really odd to just say "oh, I'm really attached to you and don't know what to do!"

    Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks! 😉

  24. I am going through this right now and it's a terrible thing to have to go through! So much pain for the client. I sometimes want to just leave and never go back.

  25. I definitely struggle with this. I had/have erotic transference for close to a year (it is turning into romantic too) and it feels like a curse as i cannot escape it. My counselor was also attracted to me at one point but has said its disappeared, but i can't let it go. He is married and obviously loves his job so I realistically know this, but its still hard. We talk like friends a lot of the time and have said how we would become friends if i ever leave counselling / he leaves his workplace where he offers it. We have a lot in common in terms of interests, morals, ideals, sexual preferences even, so its really hard to deal with. I did not see him for a couple months to see if it would decrease, and it slightly did but as soon as we talked again i was back to square one. We even texted on Sunday night just about our lives and random day to day things and it was really nice but it gave me a glimmer of what it would be like if circumstances were changed. I don't know what to do. I try to remain logical but its really difficult as i know he is just trying to be nice and be my friend even if he isnt sexually into me anymore.

  26. It's difficult for me to describe how much I needed this. For a long time I didn't even have any idea what was happening in my head, but I had to contain it and push it away. Thank you floating Kati head for the video haha, it gives me some hope (I actually patted myself on the back when you said that hahah!)

  27. So, I'm a bit confused… Are you saying that we are NOT suppose to attach to our therapist? My understanding was that is the point! I get that the therapist is not suppose to replace or substitute for people in our lives that are suppose fill that role. But I understood that I was to learn how to attach from the therapeutic relationship so that I could learn what healthy attachment and boundaries look like. Then I will able to go attach to people in my life. So, I thought that therapist was sort of a temporary attachment figure and both client and therapist would then work towards moving that relationship to a more appropriate person in the clients life once the skills are learned. Is that incorrect?

  28. Kati-
    Do you think you could do a video on regression. I couldn't find much on this. I was told recently by a person I look up to that she feels like I block out emotional and sometimes act immature or more child like when certain things come up. She also thinks I'm codependent on her. Can you do a video about why we retreat by kind of acting childlike or how we can recognize that in our life and work on it.

  29. Hi Kati! I have a problem: when I'm in therapy, I always talk about my problems from a different perspective than I experience it because I feel like I'm whining and I don't want to be vulnerable around a stranger… Any advice?

  30. Thank you! That was fascinating, I love knowing how things look from the therapist's perspective. I think I definitely felt like this when I was younger but now I see my psychologist as a means to an end. We have fun, we do hard work but I don't think about her much when I'm not there. I look forward to our sessions of course and I'd like two a week but I can wait a for the once a month or so we have at the present. I think it's a lot to do with the client learning what role therapy is actually meant to play and that takes time and experience. 🙂 You are a marvel, thank you again Kati and Sean!

  31. Thank you so much for this video Kati! I've been struggling with this a lot as my therapist is currently away on maternity leave and I miss her so much. She'll be gone for four months and then she'll come back but because of my abandonment issues it feels like she's gone for good. These feelings cause me a lot of shame and anxiety, so to hear in this video and read in this comment section that this is actually normal and common is very comforting, thank you so much!

  32. Hey kati,
    I went to see my GP while my therapist is on annual leave, my GP wants to prescribe me something, I feel like I’ve gone behind my therapists back? And that she may be angry at me for speaking to someone else? Is it okay to speak to a professional other than my therapist? Is this an irrational thought pattern!? Thanks x

  33. Hi Kati! I came from dodie and I find your videos super helpful. I was wondering if you knew anything about ADHD or ADD and comorbidity in that field? I know that depression and anxiety are often companions of ADD, but can derealisation also be one? Is there a limitation on what can be triggered by what or can you have any mental illness triggered by the one you started off with (in my case ADD).

  34. Gosh, I really love how specific your videos are. Check any other mental health resource and you get "ten symptoms of depression" and that we should light a candle to fix them. You have a video for everything. Thanks.

  35. Katie! Could you please make a video about shoplifting/kleptomania (BPD-wise) as an impulse? Not something necessary or planned, but like when you're somewhere and this thought just strikes you with an urge you can't control. Thx!

  36. Kati, is it normal to self harm for attention? I used to self harm a lot, and I know that most of the reason why I self harmed was for attention that I thrived. I haven’t self harmed in over a year, but now stress has been getting to me as well as mental health becoming more of a problem than it already was. because of this, I’m thinking a lot about self harm. I feel like relapsing even though this time I’m not seeking attention. Help? Please feel free to comment on this, I need to know different opinions from different people.

  37. Hi Kati! I have a question. I understand it's common for depression to come and go and it's normal have good days and bad days while depressed. But I find that sometimes I feel depressed/hopeless/etc in the mornings and not in the evenings and vice versa. Is this normal or even a sign of depression or something else? Thanks!

  38. I finished with my therapist a few weeks ago to move to uni (UK) and I got a letter through from her yesterday and I was so numb and so upset, I miss her and was so upset and grieving just reading it, its triggered a lot of things and I have no idea what to do, it was meant to give me closure but its just opened a whole other can of difficult things, why has this happened? – this video really helped but I was so attached to her xoxox

  39. What is it called when your emotions are on edge all of the time and everything seems so stressful and you sweat and cry easily and get mad easily???

  40. So helpful. I understand this, I have attachment issues and tend to get obsessed about the attention particular adults give me. Usually female teachers/tutors.

  41. I had a lovely tutor last year in sixth form who I spent so !much time with and she would touch my arm in a comforting way and it scared me because of how much I just wanting to hug her and have her in my life forever. Its horrible going through the separation after attachment and so now i go too the other extreme of pushing people away

  42. I'm too attached to my teachers, and now that I've moved to university (as of this September!) it's a little easier to deal with it but I still imagine them in those instances, and I still want to email them for advice. I don't know how to deal with this.

  43. Hey Kati,

    We recently met when you came down to Austin TX at the Thunder Bird Cafe. I loved listening to your stories. You gave me the courage to even think about treatment. Within the past year i have hospitalized 5 times not only due to my eating disorder but also mental heath and sexual assault. I am currently at Center for Discovery in Thousand oaks near Santa Monica. I would love to meet up with you for some coffee and a chat!! You're so inspiring and courageous. Therefor, when I'm having a rough day i think, WWKD? or WWKS? (What would Kati do) and (What would Kati say) Anyway, id love to hear back from you, at your earliest convience of course!! I will be here at residential for about another month!!

    My information is
    ….
    Allie Marek
    (512) 993-1886
    [email protected]
    Center for Discovery in Thousand Oaks

  44. I've needed this for a while. I had a really nice psychiatrist for years. We even moved together! Her new practice was about a mile from my house, if that! She was always very friendly to me and caring. After a few years, she began getting swamped with work. I could see she was extremely overwhelmed. One day I was feeling particularly unimportant and she was exceptionally busy. She said "phew, it's just you, this shouldn't take long". Within 2 minutes I was in tears. I tried to tell myself she was just busy and didn't mean it like dismissively. By the end, even she was in tears because she felt so bad. I think the work stress played a big part in that as well. She tried to call me the following days to apologize but I just couldn't stop crying. By the next week, she was no longer working there. they tried to put me with a new lady but I haven't been back since. I knew I was attached to her but it was mutual so I'm still feeling really lost. i know you say they shouldn't take the caregiver role but she did. She would say "the things you need from your mom, you can find in others". She was the nurturing, inspiring, kind soul I needed. Now I just feel lost. I can't help but to feel some guilt in her quitting.

  45. oh yea, i've definitely had this happen before but with my current/last therapist (she literally quit two days ago so idk what to call her because it's not like it's a long time ago but also i won't see her again) i have noticed those things early on and been able to have a healthy view of things.
    one of my main problems were always that i would hate myself for feeling too attached to someone, like, i knew i shouldn't feel like that and it made me feel embarrassed and awful. that could also lead to me being afraid of or even disliking the person i felt that way about…
    now i try to be kinder to myself and remind myself that it's not weird, it doesn't make me a bad person and i'm not being super creepy. it helps me work on it because it's harder to work on something if you have a bunch of self hatred involved imo lol

  46. It's been a long while since I've been to therapy because of financial reasons, we haven't gone through some things and it's been getting at me, to be honest it just felt like she was trying to detach from me too soon and it really felt so bad that I would get worried about what she'd say about when our next session would be

  47. This happened to me. But not exactly with my therapist, he is my child's therapist but I have a parent sessions with him. And I feel like I've fallen in love with him. Definitely can't get him out of my head. And feel the way I'd feel if I liked a person romantically if I met him under any other circumstances. He is younger than me, and in some way similar to me. I feel that I connect with him more than just on a normal understanding level. I believe in spirituality and I connect with him on a soul level. He is exactly the kind of person I like having in my life, and the kind of partner I'd like to have. But also I think I liked him pretty much straight away the first time a met him. my child's therapy sessions will end very soon, and I don't know if I should tell him about it or not and talk through it. I know it's his job to be empathetic and understanding but it's like he sees right straight through me, all my vulnerabilities came out. I feel very sad that I met this person in this situation, not in my "real" life.

  48. I was really attached to my old therapist, but she had to leave, so they put me with other therapists. But I felt so heartbroken about it. And the newer therapists arent like her. So I feel like they dont understand me anymore and I feel like they cant help me. It's been 2 years that she left, and still this day I dont have a therapist who I can be comfortable with and dont feel right cuz I dont trust them. And that is a really big problem. Cuz I can't become better and get rid of my diagnosises because I cant interact with my therapists anymore. Cuz I felt really attached with my old therapist. Because im afraid the newer therapists will also abandon me and leave me alone. Im scared to meet a new therapist, cuz Im so scared that im going to feel attached to them again and then they will leave me alone again. ITS FUCKED UP…

  49. I used to have a strong attachment to my first therapist.. and because of it, I got referred out. It ruined me.. I fell into a deep depression, tried to kill myself and ended up in a mental health facility for awhile (2 times). I started seeing another therapist who was tougher on me, diagnosed me with BPD and set definite boundaries.. but I still overstepped them and once again got referred out and ended up in a facility for a bit. Turns out I have an attachment to older FEMALES. I'm now seeing a MALE therapist and have had no issues what-so-ever. So this happens and a big suggestion I can give you all might be is to change the gender of your therapist.. might not sound like a great idea… I wasn't overly keen on it at first.. but it has done wonders for me, and my BPD is better than ever!!!

  50. I Had this for my old therapist… then she went on maternity leave and I got a new therapist and it's been months and I still don't feel connected to her… it doesn't help when they say all the WRONG things and just upset you every session 😧

  51. When I was really little I was really sad from my family, I mean I didn't feel connected or comfortable from them and so I became a really different person from them. I watched the movie Matilda at that age so I always looked at my teachers as my "family" but unfortunately they would only see me as a student and it made me really sad too because they were gone the next year and no one seemed to say. I have a really kind therapist right now but I look at her as a Mother but I don't want that because it hurts to know I have loved all my friends so much more than the way they loved me and that I view my therapist as some one so special but to her all I'll ever be is a patient. Another face in the crowd. Any advice? I lost myself a long time ago. I used to be so caring for others, I can't call myself kind but I can say how I feel, and I felt a desire to care for everyone. I did everything I could do because I never really felt like I had a family I looked at them as one of my own, but ever since I met this extreme sadness things have changed. I used to take my sadness as my fuel to help others, it was my grounding, but when I went to high school I lost that foundation and everyone here is a teenager but im still a kid at heart 🙁 that really changed me and it buried the person I truly was deep down over two years. im a sophomore now and I don't wanna do it anymore 🙁 I used to cry at the thought of this change but now it hurts so much to this point I don't feel anything anymore. I HATE it!! I just wanna feel something so I can actually go somewhere, but I don't wanna talk about this to anyone because i'm not myself anymore (with trying to be as "kind" as I can be and doing all I can to help) I don't want to reach out if I just like this and so I have no idea what to do. does any of this makes sense? like i would feel sad often in the past, but I still was myself. I still had the qualities that made me me. But now I lost that because that's where I know my true happiness resides and that's why i'm sad. I don't think those things ever truly leave you but they just become dormant (true love). I don't know what to do 🙁 I don't want to talk to anyone if I know i'm not nice 🙁 can someone help please. I used to care so much for others but now in just so concerned for myself. I hate it so much 🙁 I'd rather have myself die two years ago then to see my self rot 🙁

  52. for me its more about i feel like i might not able to be attached to somebody in a loving way that they need

    in youtubeland that is one thing in person to person i feel like its different and i am way more of a loner so i have the opposite problem

    i feel like do to my past i have a harder time being attached to peoples between the switching of schools all the time and not even having my parents care about me i just feel like everybody will leave so why get attached to them

    yet i have renamed a lot of peoples even in youtubeland and have found a way to connect with them and some of them have left youtubeland and i am fine with it because for me its like they were just entertainment even though they were my friends

    its hard for me to explain it but anybody i was ever close with for the most part just stopped being in my life so its easier for me to have nobody then somebody (i dont know if that will change when i move to cali i hope it does)

    thx for this awesomely ha bisky vid i guess being somebody who always took care of themselves i feel like i can easily continue on that way its partly why i got annoyed at my cuzcuz for acting like an over protective big brother when i just wanted a best friend or even just a friend (my friends tend to end up as best friends)

  53. #FAQ I feel helpless seeing hopeless #politics in my country.. + communal violence, rapes, murders etc makes me feel like it's end of the world.. can u make a #video please? #KatiFAQ

  54. Katie I’m 15 and really benefit from your videos! You do videos on so many things and it’s soooooo helpful! I was wondering if you can do a video on attachment/abandonment issues or disorder you touched upon it at the start of this video but it would really help me xx if you have already done a video on this sorry 😂💕 I also have a question is it normal to selfharm multiple times a day? Thank you x

  55. When my therapist went on maternity leave, she wrote me a letter which actually. I had been writing letters for her each session for the past year as I very much struggle to admit to anyone how I feel. It seemed quite fitting. I never really thought I was attached to her until she left. She will be rejoining the services after a few years but I will be over 18 and she's an adolescent psychiatrist. She's the first person I EVER managed to open up to and I was actually very suicidal when she left. I felt like my whole world had been turned upside down and that I'd never be okay again, and that I'd never find another therapist that I could open up to.which was hard, I cried my eyes out for weeks, every time I was in bed a night struggling with thoughts and then the realisation that I'd have no one to talk to about it broke me really. I'm now thinking maybe I was attached to her. I'm now taking a break from therapy and having fortnightly risk reviews as I transfer to adult services. Does it sound like I was attached?

  56. I have an eating disorder and have found myself in situations where I get emotionally attached to teachers, therapists or other adults I open up and talk to. After seeing this video I realise that might be because I didn't (actually still don't) have any really good friends. I'm also gay, so I haven't had that "teenage-romance" that many people have had. (I'm currently 16 y/o)
    Now I think about it I often find myself wanting to have a more friend-like relationship with most of my teachers and other adults I come in contact with, maybe to fill that hole from not having a good friend.

  57. My therapy has ended for about a month and a few days, and I am still grieving over the loss of my therapist. I had an intense attachment where I felt I was heard and that I could share my artistic side to her. Towards the end, I had recognised the void that would inevitably follow since termination, and I am saddened that no one has been able to see the 'beautiful' side of me and I don't think anyone will at this point in time. As a result, I've been going through crisis-related episodes (I thought I would keep it on the down low since I want to be mindful of others in case it will trigger anyone) and it frightens me that I do need ongoing help related to the dependency issues that I currently face. I am currently seeing a case manager who is essentially there to ease me through the grieving process but he hasn't been helpful. I don't really know what to do with myself.

  58. What should someone do if their therapist becomes too attached to them?    What are the signs?    I didn't find out until it was too late and was being stalked by a therapist who tried to turn me into their child.

  59. what if you feel neglected from your therapist for no reason. like you talk to them like you always have, nothing's changed but you start to feel like you maybe you don't talk enough and you feel too needy?

  60. I had a therapist last year and I had her number. But even after I started talking to someone else, I found myself still texting that therapist. So I deleted her number because I felt so bad for never letting that relationship go. Now with the new therapist, I’m trying to be so careful with how much I email her between sessions. I never expect her to reply but she does so then I try not to send another email for awhile.

  61. Idk why but with this new therapist, I question about her mental health all the time and research her online. It’s like I’m obsessed with her and it’s not good. I feel awkward and weird about this. I just just get attached to her, I get attached to so many people. But I lose friends easily. I never let go of those friendships because it was a moment in my life when someone cared about me.

  62. These videos make me wanna cry, but in a good way, because they make me feel validated. They make me feel understood, and somewhat normal. And I'm so thankful for them.

  63. Hi Kati! If I have this issue and bring it up in therapy, is it normal for therapists to refer me out? Or will they try to work through it with me? Thanks! 🙂

  64. Makes sense…I don't want to bad mouth my parents but when I was growing up I remember the MOST that I was bigger than my sister (on top) and they made sure i knew that. I'm going to make a short video on this. I'm already making short videos about mental health. Attention that we didn't get when we were kids. But my parents will be surprised is they knew this. They probably wouldn't believe it. Family vacations where highlights of my life.

  65. How can I trust my College Counselor. My parents want a full report of my sessions. But I have to be the one to sign it. What do I do? There are things that I am not ready to tell my parents yet. But I want to get help to make sure that what I think I am feeling is right.

  66. I got extremely attached to my last therapist wanting her to fill the hole in my heart from not having a caring mother. I even, in a weak moment, asked her if she could be like a mom to me. I brought it up again during our next session and said that I really did feel that way, expecting her to gently turn me down since I understood that it wouldn't be ethical. But she said she'd think about it, and later said yes. At first I spent time with her privately and started to become even more attached. Then she felt it became too much and regretted the whole thing. I remember feeling completely numb and shocked when she told me, but I still wanted to work it out trying to put the pieces back together again. I stayed in therapy with her for a while longer and we had like a friendly relationship. She said she wanted to celebrate my birthday, but the whole relationship died out. We've barely even texted this past year. I wish I'd known about this back then. I can't help but wonder that this might have had a negative impact on my therapy. Which was expensive since she had her own company and all. I payed over 3,000 dollars which I feel bad about now. She did help me get through tough times and was a support for me, but just the way it turned out… I don't know. @KatiMorton

  67. Hi Katie!
    Is it ok if the therapeutic relationship evolved into a kind of out of the office friendship?
    I will start to practice the same sport as my psychologist and she will be giving me a ride, is this crossing healthy boundaries?

  68. What about friend? Is there a friend hole? Can one be friends with a therapist that no longer takes your case/is responsible for you??

  69. I keep getting attached to adults mainly female teachers to the point where a teacher that was with me until 11-16 most school days and helped me through everything she left on her last day I kept getting upset and hugging her it was like I always wanted her as my mother she came back to visit after 6 months when I saw her I literally ran to her and hugged her I was shaking so much and almost cried because of how much I miss her I don’t know what to do. Its also happened with another teacher and I’m her favourite student or at least I was I’m worried she’s started liking another student more and doesn’t care for me as much now and it makes me upset why am I like this.

  70. I'm struggling with this a lot at the moment but I also get it with other people like teachers and it just makes me want to avoid them because I feel like it will seem really creepy and I don't want to be really clingy. Is that normal and why does this happen? My mum is a therapist and I'm fairly sure I had a secure base when I was younger.

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