Weekend Update on Trumpcare – SNL



♪♪♪
>> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST
AND MICHAEL CHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> WHAT'S UP, EVERYBODY? >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."
I'M COLIN JOST. >> I'M MICHAEL CHE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> WELL, THIS WEEK REPUBLICANS
MADE THEIR BEST EFFORT TO UNITE THE COUNTRY BY PRESENTING A NEW
HEALTH CARE PLAN THAT EVERYBODY COULD HATE TOGETHER.
DEMOCRATS ARE UPSET BECAUSE A LOT OF POOR PEOPLE COULD LOSE
THEIR COVERAGE. CONSERVATIVES ARE UPSET BECAUSE
IT DOESN'T REPEAL OBAMACARE ENOUGH.
I'M UPSET BECAUSE IT STILL DOESN'T COVER MEDICINAL COCAINE
AND I'VE GOT A SCREENPLAY TO FINISH.
I SPENT THE MONEY. >>> THE WHITE HOUSE IS
OFFICIALLY CALLING THE BILL THE AMERICAN HEALTH CARE ACT AND
NOT AS MANY PEOPLE IN THE MEDIA HAVE BEEN CALLING IT, TRUMPCARE.
OR AS THEY PROBABLY SHOULD BE CALLING IT, DON'T CARE.
ARE YOU OLD, POOR AND LOSING YOUR COVERAGE?
DON'T CARE. HOW BAD DOES SOMETHING HAVE TO
BE FOR TRUMP NOT TO WANT HIS NAME ON IT?
THIS GUY ONCE PUT HIS NAME ON A PONZI SCHEME.
FOR THIS HE'S LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE ALL THE CREDIT.
THAT WOULD BE LIKE IF KANYE'S NEXT ALBUM WAS CALLED "BUT
ENOUGH ABOUT ME." >>> IT WAS ESTIMATED THE
REPUBLICAN HEALTHCARE PLAN GIVES A $400 BILLION TAX BREAK TO THE
RICH. WHILE THE POOR WILL RECEIVE A
BOX OF GENERIC BAND AIDS AND A TRAVEL SIZE BOTTLE OF AIRBORNE.
>>> THE REPUBLICAN PLAN TO REPLACE OBAMACARE WOULD CUT
FUNDING TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD. SO YOU MIGHT NOT GET TO KEEP
YOUR HEALTH CARE, BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP SOMETHING ELSE.
>>> SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE PAUL RYAN GAVE CONGRESS A
POWERPOINT PRESENTATION ABOUT THE HEALTH CARE BILL.
BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS "TRUST ME ABOUT THE FUTURE" LIKE
POWERPOINT. UNFORTUNATELY HE CLICKED ONE
SLIDE TOO FAR AND IT GOT INTO WORKOUT TIPS.
>>> REPRESENTATIVE JASON CHAFFETZ DEFENDED THE COST
OF THE NEW HEALTHCARE BILL SAYING IF POOR PEOPLE WANT
INSURANCE THEY WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN HEALTHCARE AND
THAT NEW iPHONE. WHICH IS RIDICULOUS.
HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO EVEN KNOW WHEN YOU NEED A DOCTOR IF
YOU DON'T HAVE AN iPHONE TO FACETIME YOUR JUNK TO COLIN AND
ASK, HEY, MAN, YOU EVER GET THIS BEFORE?
>> I GAVE YOU A FAKE NUMBER. >>> PRESIDENT TRUMP INTRODUCED
HIS REVISED TRAVEL BAN THIS WEEK.
IT'S PROBABLY NOT GREAT. IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF BROWN COLOR
SWATCHES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> THE NEW TRAVEL BAN WILL GO INTO EFFECT ON MARCH 16th.
AND THEN ON MARCH 17th WE SHOWCASE THE TYPE OF UPSTANDING
IMMIGRANTS THIS COUNTRY WANTS. >> WIKILEAKS RELEASED DOCUMENTS
SAYING THE CIA CAN HACK INTO PERSONAL DEVICES TO SPY ON
PEOPLE. NOW THIS IS WHY I'M GLAD I HAVE
BLACK GRANDPARENTS. THEY TOLD ME THE CIA WAS
RECORDING EVERYTHING YEARS AGO. ONE TIME I BOUGHT HIM A
UNIVERSAL REMOTE. HE SMASHED IT WITH A DRESS SHOE
AND SAID, BOY, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT'S HOW THEY GOT DR. KING?
>>> PRESIDENT TRUMP, ALSO THIS WEEK, SURPRISED A GROUP OF
CHILDREN ON A TOUR OF THE WHITE HOUSE.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT. [ SCREAMING ]
>> HE JUST POPPED OUT LIKE A MONSTER ON "SCOOBY-DOO."
WAS HE TRYING TO SCARE THOSE KIDS AWAY FROM A TREASURE?
SPEAKING OF SCOOBY-DOO, I THINK THE EYES ARE MOVING IN THAT
PAINTING BEHIND HIM. CAN WE ALSO JUST TURN UP THE
AUDIO AND HEAR THE KIDS' REACTION TO TRUMP?
CAN WE HEAR THAT? [ SCREAMING ]
>> NOTHING SAYS "MY PRESIDENCY IS GOING WELL" LIKE THE SCREAMS
OF CHILDREN. I THOUGHT THE WEIRDEST PART WAS
AT THE VERY END WHEN TRUMP SAID "NOW WHICH ONE OF YOU KIDS WANTS
TO BE THE NEW U.S. ATTORNEY IN NEW YORK?

26 comments

  1. I don't dislike trump or like him but I think they shouldn't really have a strong opinion on trump because it just fuels and divides america

  2. Wouldn’t it be funnier if you made fun of both sides and not just bash republicans? Like, the left is just as idiotic (If not more) so why act like they are the reasonable ones.

  3. I like that Jason Chapstickitz…he reminds me of a little inbred piglet that I raised on my inbred farm that ended up killing and eatin' my entire family… including my prized Bengal kittycat that was the primary income source of our entire family…fuck a everything

  4. Repub Democrat same thing. What's funnier than this skit is the politicians that voted for the disastrous Obama don't care bill, was they are all self exempt. But yeah, democrats are for the people. Piss off.

  5. May u remind all of u that Hillary was winning in all the polls so there are two options, 1: Hillary's emails brought her down and trump won or, 2: Donald got help and hacked his way to president. There r no instances in which Trump won on his own srry DJ Trump

  6. If Trump popped out while kids from my school were touring the white house he'd probably get a lot wfts and blank stares

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