What Heroin Addiction Is Really Like, As Told By A Former User

make yourself at home do you call yourself an addict now or is that you bothers my best friend a lot why she says I hate that you classify yourself as an addict I think it was just a phase for you which she doesn't understand because she's not an addict and I know it's not a face for me because I still drink here and there and if I'm not careful I'll start drinking you know almost every night of the week I'll have a couple of beers every night I'm not getting wasted or anything but I'm an addict because I like the feeling of not being myself can you describe that desperation like the feeling in in someone's mind when they're going through this in your brain you know that you have to breathe to survive you have to eat to survive you have to sleep to survive when you're on drugs those things go away it becomes doing drugs is number one that's you're in survival mode and that's why like I told you earlier so many people will do the craziest things that you you could have known them your whole entire life and never in your life thought that they would do something so horrible you know or or rob their own mother or steal their own mother's wedding ring you know that's just who would do that but to that person or to me it was it was surviving it was whether or not I was I was gonna live and in my mind you know you just you hate yourself half the time when I was using I was I would almost hope that the next one would kill me so I didn't have to keep putting my family through worrying about me all day long or you know seeing my stepson worrying about his parents you know I started using opiates every single day almost faithfully 18 years old I went to rehab two three five times six months after I turned 21 I went to rehab again that was I met Stephen a month after I turned 21 my fiancee we started using every day together that's when we were kind of like partners in crime and it just went out of control I started using you know heroin every single day about a month into our relationship and it just it hit the fan from there do you remember like your lowest point that is kind of a reminder to you of like where you never want to go back to you I feel like one of the really low points for me was I had gotten high and somehow have fallen out right and my stepson found me and I still had everything out yeah it was horrible I would have been horrible no matter what age he was but he was old enough but he knew what everything was and that was about really low weight and that was not that long before the last time I was using when we got clean I feel like any time when your kids are it's just kids don't have a choice kids don't get no choose their parents you know and I just thank God I was able to change before my daughter was born and I debated a lot on whether or not like I told you if I wanted to be anonymous or not but I just feel like today there's so many people who were ashamed of being an addict and you shouldn't be I know so many people yeah we're so scared of their family finding out that they are an addict or don't even want to admit it to themselves that they have a problem and that's what stops them from getting a help and they end up dying I think that even just you sharing your story like people won't realize until they hear it that they're not alone in that I just really hope that in the next year two years that we see more people getting clean than we do dying because in this last two years that I've gotten off drugs I've just seen way too many people die overdose this September September I want to say 15th I will be two years off heroin off it'd be it's off drugs any drug besides method and I started the methadone program two years ago from September it's almost two years and a couple months I came up on a year clean and then two weeks later my daughter was born which was kind of awesome and then she'll be a year old right after my two year anniversary of being off drugs and it's just been a long road yeah even my worst day clean beats my best day using you know ten times over for sure you know I can't even say I ever had a best day using because I told you I'd going to rehab six times and you may talk to addicts that still think using is fun and maybe for the first two times I went to rehab it was still fun but the fun wears off very quick yeah and it just becomes a chore a job to try and stay well my life is just out of this world I Drive a minivan and I love it I get to take my daughter to work with me every day and I love it you


  1. Her friend doesn't get it. This girl at least has sense to her. There is no cure to addiction. There's no addiction phase. You're an addict for like. You're just ether clean and recovering, or not.

  2. Whore there are good people that have cancerwho are suffering loseing there life and here u are runing destroying your healthy body you are sickining

  3. Facts that’s clinically why it is called disease cuz it becomes survival tactic before breathing it’s crazy thank god for better days

  4. Ёб твою мать как можно себя довести до такого состояния жирности?

  5. If you're not doing a drug anymore you're not an addict. I am so sick of these f**** lies that these Alcohol Anonymous in drug Anonymous places put into these people's heads. I was a drug addict for a long time and I've been clean for four years. The reason why I'm still clean is because I know God damn well I am not an addict!

  6. I have been "addicted" my ENTIRE adult life. alcohol>pot>coke>pills>heroin. 20+ years. about 12ish years ago I GOT CLEAN using methadone. I used it the way it is supposed to be used, went thru therapy, meetings, got a job, got my LIFE together, my family back. Methadone helps you help yourself. Once you start getting clean and making a life it gets harder to "go back out there". Methadone LIKE any drug or treatment for ANY disease can only work if you use it as intended. I am thankful for that clinic and for being sober another day…today! BTW my methadone was not "free". I wanna say it was $13 a day.

  7. Im on methadone and the first year or so was great had a beautiful healthy baby and now i struggle with never being able to get off methadone and picking up new habits to stay awake. Vicious cycle. In the end methadone does keep me grounded but i pay $12 a day for it and god forbid you miss doses…..sooo sick.

  8. U stop even feeling the effects of opiods u get unsick n u get tired af most ods are suicide cuz u just don't want go on living that way i know been there never oded n my life but hit rock bottom n wanted to die u prey u do

  9. I am proud this lady was able to come forward, share her story and honesty in the wake of tragedies concerning this drug.

  10. Lord Jesus please help..
    You came to set at liberty those that are bound & bruised…please give em a desire & help to get free…please deliver these people in Jesus name..

  11. God it’s like I’m sitting there telling my story. I’m so stuck and feel so hopeless and helpless and have called so many treatment centers and they don’t take my insurance or they are over an hour away. I just feel so hopeless

  12. Methadone is the best way to treat opioid addiction. Educate yourselves. Once u become a real addict ur brain changes. Methadone is a legal long acting g synthetic opioid that stops the need for the stealing and thierving and prostituting. Some people never can beat it too much damage done. So then u go to harm reduction. People on Methadone live useful lives and they can be decent family members and productive members of society.

  13. Off drugs.u insane dumb bitch.u r on opiates idiot.quit the met then say u r clean fyi methadone is an opiate.u that dumb.unreal omg wtf .

  14. Once a addict FOREVER a addict!!! It’s YOUR Choice weather or not your ACTIVE or RECOVERING! WHEN through it with COKE 30 yrs ago. STILL SOBER, ONE DAY AT A TIME GUYS. GOD BLESS EVERYONE WHO’S struggling with their DEMONS!!! NEVER GIVE UP!!🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️💙❤️💙✌️✌️✌️

  15. That's the best description I've ever heard about being an addict! It's so hard to be at that low point and see or admit u need help! I'm 6 years clean! Thank God! And I wouldn't change it for the world! There's such a horrible stigma to this day I dont want people finding out! The stigma needs to stop! People change! And everyone deserves a chance to do better!

  16. I pray i never have to go through this i can barely handle a nicotine fit I'd be the crazies drugie ever. Stay strong cause i heard that shit hurts when you need it👌👌👌👌👌

  17. You’re an addict and that’s what addicts do! You have to let go of the guilt! Guilt is a big reason most people relapse!

  18. U r not clean…u just have the taxpayers pay for ur dope…why didn't u speak up after u weren't weened off after a few weeks….ur still on dope u scumbag… everyone of u in that program for 2,4,5,6,7,11 years….fck u…

  19. I've never done heroin, fortunately. I am a recovering alcoholic (15 years sober) and prescription drug addict (5 years clean). Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. I speak for most, if not all, alcoholics. As they say in AA, "One drink is too many, and a thousand is not enough." So when she says she'll be an addict all her life, believe her. "One injection is too many, and a thousand is not enough."

  20. THANK YOU those tears are real …im so happy for you. I was you .now I have 12 years..you brought me back..and for this..i thank you again..stay strong..you ARE worth it…

  21. My son Ryan died of a heroin od in 2015. My heart stopped that day. It has yet to recover. I doubt it ever will. I just plain miss my boy. God, how I loved that boy! I think I loved him to death….visit him at Ryan P Frye at virtual memorial dot com for his story. Thanks…Ryan's mom

  22. I was on methadone for 3 years now on suboxone… Especially having kids I woukd choose a perscription from a dr any day over sticking an unsure un measured amount of heroin in my arm. Plus your not even sure if it is indeed heroin everytime you get it… The next tine can always be your last. If yiu take a reg prescribed amount of methadone you will not die and you can function like a person.. Most who judge have never been on the battlefield

  23. Yeh but you still ant clean on methadone try getting off meth after a few years. Just swop ing a illegal drug dealer for gov drug dealer tied to chemist.

  24. How hip, trendy, and original for her to wear that towel on her head in America. Lefty liberal points for you ms. interviewer girl!

  25. I had a nephew that was so depressed over being dependent on drugs that he took a 38 mag and shot himself in the mouth. Bullet went in and out his head and he lived. He was okay for a few years than he slipped back into it. Then he used a better way to get to the end by buying a shotgun from WalMart and putting the shotgun in his mouth and blew his own head off in his mom's car at the parking lot of a WalMart. The shame is real.

  26. she’s still on opiates if she’s on methadone. yeah it gets rid of the craziness of life when your runnin and hustling to get well everyday. trust i know i did it for 8 years. but methadone is still a strong opiate and she isn’t truly free from them while on it. i got off dope completely using clonidine to manage the physical withdrawal effects. it significantly attenuated the jumpy restless legs, the hot/cold sweats and goosebumps, the unbelievable urge to jump out of your skin. also used xanax so i could sleep. after 6-7 days i no longer needed the clonidine, and for a few days after that i just used half doses of xanax. being free from the physical withdrawal has allowed me to concentrate on the day by day of staying clean. she’s just pushed that withdrawal farther back by staying on methadone. hell i used to buy my other addict friends methadone and get HIGH as fuck from it. suboxone is a much better option if you MUST use an opiate replacement therapy. but i urge everyone addicted to heroin or other opiates to seriously look into clonidine. it allowed me to do something i thought i never could, which was get past the pain of WDs.

  27. Taylor I'm so proud of you.. and Im rooting for you… I've got 8 years clean.. thanks to therapy, medications and great support system… your on the right path.. over time it will all be a distant memory… 💖

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