What if Therapy Doesn’t Help? | KATI MORTON

– Hey everybody, happy
Thursday, now today, we’re gonna talk about what to
do if therapy isn’t working. Today’s question came
from a Patreon livestream where we were talking about
all sorts of different things, and this question got a lot of chatter. So I thought I would turn
it into a full video. That question is, “Katie, what if therapy “just doesn’t work for me? “I am still crippled
by OCD and am just now “at the end of a year of a
really intensive CBT and ERP, “and nothing has changed. “I totally gave 100% in
this, worked really hard, “did all the homework, showed up, “sat through the anxiety,
attempted all the exposures. “And my therapist is great, but now, “I feel like I wasted a year,
I am no further forward. “Is it time to just accept
that this is my life “and stop trying to change or improve it? “Everyone says CBT and
ERP are the gold standards “for OCD and that it
works, except it hasn’t.” Now, I loved this question
because I think a lot of us can get caught up in
situations where we think that this one type of
therapy is the best one. And then, we work really
hard and it doesn’t work. And then we can feel really
shitty about our situation and our progress, and think that, maybe, this is just how we always have to feel. But don’t worry, that is not true at all. Now, the first thing that
I want to talk about is that there are hundreds of
types of therapy out there. And for good reason, there
are tons of different ailments and ways that each mental
illness can affect us. Some of us can have
different mental illnesses and comorbid with this,
we can have depression and we can have an eating disorder. But there are so many combinations, that’s why there’s so
many types of therapy. Also, rolling into my
next thought about this, is that everyone is different. I say that all the time,
but it’s very true. Right down to our cells, right,
so our brains are different. There are gonna be certain things that we can do and can’t do. There are gonna be
certain types of therapy that are really, really
hard and almost impossible for us to do, and then there are others that are gonna be great and easy, and we feel like we can really work through it with our therapist. So we all have ways that we learn best and ways we prefer to be
talked or listened to. We all grew up in different
homes with different dynamics, and there are gonna be different ways that we’re used to just
talking with people. And so, therapy and
therapists have to work with all that different stuff, all the things that make
us unique and wonderful. Overall, I just want you to
know that just because one type of therapy didn’t work,
remember, there are hundreds. Just because one didn’t
work doesn’t mean it’s over or that you’re broken or weird. I know our brains go right
to that nasty self-talk when something like this
happens, but trust me. Just like it can take a few therapists before we can find the
one that we truly like and want to work with, we
should think about the type of therapy that we’re gonna
engage with in the same way. It might take a few
tries of different types before we find the one that’s a good fit. I know that a lot of people
are gonna have questions about, like, well, how do I know if therapy’s a good fit for me? Overall, it should be pushing you, maybe a little past your comfort level. We’re always supposed to be challenged. Not retraumatized, not
disassociating all the time, right? So we should be challenged, and we should see some improvement. It’s not overnight, but if
you’ve given it like three months of real work and we’re not feeling at least a little bit better, bring it up with your therapist. Talk to them about it, it’s okay to ask them
to try a different one. Also, just keep in mind
that it’s really important that we like our therapist first, then find the right type of therapy, okay? When it comes to this specific question, yes, CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy, and exposure therapy,
that’s really what ERP is. It stands for exposure
response prevention therapy. That’s always hard for me
to say, I don’t know why. But those are the quote
unquote best for OCD. But they aren’t the
only treatment for OCD. There are lots others,
here’s, just gonna name some. There’s aversion therapy, rational emotive behavioral therapy, systematic desensitization,
and many, many others. Not to mention that
medication can be an option for a lot of us, I’ve found medication to be really beneficial for a lot of my patients who struggle with OCD. So know that there are a
lot of options out there. Just because this gold
standard version didn’t work for you doesn’t mean that
it’s helpless or hopeless. All it means is we just need to look into some other options,
find one that works better with us and our personal struggles. Overall, just try to remember that just because one therapy, like I said, out of hundreds of options,
doesn’t work for you, that doesn’t mean you can’t get better. A lot of it depends on your
relationship with your therapist and how well the therapy itself
works with your strengths. Think of those things
that you’re just good at. Like, I am not artsy-craftsy person. So if I was working with an art therapist, that would really slow my progress, because I have a really hard time getting into that realm and working within it. I am good at doing some
homework, talk therapy, and having some structured things like CBT/DBT-type behavioral
techniques that I can try out. Those are things that work for me. So just take a minute
and consider what things within therapy have
helped you in the past? Are there certain tools and techniques that you really liked? Maybe they were difficult,
yeah, it’s hard to come up with all the things and
fill out the impulse logs, or whatever it is you’re working on. But at the end, it was really beneficial and you were still able to do it. Just think about that,
because we want therapy to work with, not against, our strengths. And know that if you ever feel like a type of therapy isn’t helpful or working, or you and your therapist
maybe just seem to be at a standstill, it’s
completely okay to ask them if you can try a different
style or structure. As a therapist, it’s always
my goal to help you best. If I don’t know that
something’s not working, I might think I am helping you, and so, don’t be afraid to speak up. Because remember, it’s your
treatment and your life. So speak up, try your best, and I promise you, it will get better. Thanks for watching, I will
see you next time, bye. (gentle jazz music)


  1. Kati, have you ever had a client notice you form YouTube? Does it change the nature of your relationship? I’ve always wondered.

  2. Thank you so much! This came just at the right time. I've been to two different potential psychologists this week who had completely different reactions to my background. One made me feel acknowledged and seen and quite motivated until yesterday when I saw the other one who has sent me spiralling with guilt about why I'm still struggling with some of the things I've experienced and can't just move on. Had a friend told me the same story I would have told them to not be so hard on themselves and go with the one they feel they can trust, but because it's me I was (as usual) extra hard on myself. Your videos always enable me to look at my own situation from that 'friend angle' when I don't see why I should maybe try and treat myself as understandingly and kind as I would others. Thank you so much for that!

  3. Through your video I really heard a message of hope: it's not because something does not work for us that we are doomed to feel miserable for the rest of our life. There are options out there to get better. We just have to found them and try them out. It's really important to remember that when you fall into the bottomless pit of despair and hopelessness that often goes with depression and anxiety.

  4. 3 years of therapy. Barely any change. The only change is now I have a diagnosis which keeps being added to and I understand a little more what it means to be borderline. My diagnosis is now up to borderline, anxiety, major depression disorder, bipolar, history of physical and sexual abuse in childhood, possible ADHD and possible PTSD. Any more and they might as we just recite the alphabet.

  5. What is nude therapy and sex therapy? I think I could use these…and not being a joker. I never get off with other people and everything feels hypersensitive. My psychoanalyst doesn't seem to get it.

  6. Hi Kati! Knowing that not one type of therapy fits everyone, what are some types of therapies that you want to learn more about?

  7. Hi! If you are the one who answered the question. I am in psychoanalysis therapy, and I have found out that in many cases, specially talking about anxiety or OCD, it's not enough to go to CBT therapy, because you are not addressing the real cause of your OCD. For example, I found out that my OCD (cleaning and obsessing about hygiene and about food being harmful) is just like a way to displace my real fear beneath that, which is "that something from the outside (people, things, situations) are going to hurt me, like if everything was orchestrated against me, and this comes from the place where people (like my parents or classmates) really hurt me in the past, so now I have displaced the fear of being hurt to the food or to the hygiene. So, i think it's important that you find out the real fear beneath your OCD. Like getting hurt, being abandoned, that kind of things. What are you displacing? If you don't treat the cause, CBT techniques will not work. I recommend you visit a psychoanalyst (:

  8. I've noticed with myself that I VERY seldom see my OWN progress. It takes someone else to point out. I need to ask my T therapist when I feel I'm not getting anywhere. THEN I see the progress 💓🌷 nb: Complex Trauma, no 'serious' OCD

  9. I'm slow, how do I "get respect" or use the methods that work for my slowness in our fast paced world? Where can I get un judgmental practice to learn new skills? Suggestions?

  10. Rephrase: how to make it work when you don’t have the liberty of choice (i.e. public system, waitlists, ridged therapist, other therapy not available etc)?

  11. I also think that certain types of therapy work for us at different times! I have tried many different therapies and many have been helpful- some weren’t. Some were not helpful the first time through but then some I went back to later and I was able to apply things differently than I was before! Don’t give up! It does work!

  12. I went through therapy and not all types just two. And they didn't work. What did was time understanding and Taoism . Thanks for this one *

  13. Hi Katie. Just wanted to say you are totally right. A combo of meds (with the right dosage) and therapy has made a HUGE positive difference in managing my OCD. And at lest according to my old therapist I'm a difficult horse to break when it comes to CBT. However, as much as the exposures sucked (liked I'd rather eat shards of glass than go through the exposures.), that has been the most impacting for the OCD. And just a comment to the person with the question. If the exposures aren't working maybe it's bc they are too intense to start at. There where certain exposures for me that were too much to start with even though my therapist thought they could be doable, and therefore had to be scaled waaay back and it took weeks to get from that point to where my therapist originally wanted me to start.

  14. Kati I love your videos so much. My dream is to meet you. I wish I could have one session with you cause your so insightful and I love everything you have to say. I don’t know if it would be possible at all cause your probably booked and your in California but yeah.

  15. Kati, what happens if your parents won’t let you see a therapist that I really liked and felt Like they were really helping me and I have seen one in almost a year.

  16. It's not wasted time
    We all learn in different ways what we learn my not work for us , but remember the knowledge the time will come where you can use it for someone else that it may help. Someday someone will say something that will help you.

  17. This has been exactly what I've been trying to explain to my partner lately, thank you so much! This video was perfect timing 👌🏻

  18. Hey kati could you talk abput finding the line between accepting your diagnosis but also try to get better and not accept life will always be that way I hope that makes sense

  19. I myself have just finished a 20 week ( 5 months ) of dbt with my mum but I still don’t exactly know what diagnoses I have expect 4 anxiety witch makes life really tough but because of my anxiety I always stop myself from asking my therapist what exactly I have
    Lost of love from Ireland 🇮🇪

  20. Honestly, I’ve been in therapy, multiple different/types of meds, therapists, and it’s been going on for over 13 years. Nothing works. I feel no different. All I want to do is end my life so I don’t have to do any of this anymore. I believe that some people, just like me, are beyond help. Nothing has, and never will help me

  21. This is my argument as to why I don't go to therapy. How do you know that it will work for everybody, even if they put in the effort? I can imagine that many people do their best, but sometimes, just can't get there, as hard as they try.

    In my case, I actually am not willing to make the effort, but I feel like knowing that can also be part of it.

  22. What if you live in the middle of nowhere? I live out in the country in Indiana, and all of the nearby towns are all tiny rural towns. There aren’t many therapists around here, and somehow I doubt that the ones that are around, do or know much about alternative therapies, besides the most basic and common kinds. And for a lot of reasons, I can’t just pick up and move. Or drive long distances. After 20 years of different therapists and medications, I’m ready to give up.

  23. I have a question. I have been cutting but made it shallow enough that it doesn't break skin and bleed so that no one will ever be able to tell. I have started to realize that this isn't healthy and reached out to a close adult but I'm afraid to tell her because I feel like it doesn't count as cutting/self injury and I can't take another adult telling me I'm faking it. So, my question is, dose this count as self harm?

  24. That huge list of types of therapy was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen! I thought I knew a lot about therapy so I was very surprised just to read the names of all of those different types! They seem so interesting!!

  25. I was recommended CBT for obsessive thoughts and anxiety. As a result of the exercises suggested to deal with anxiety I had an anxiety attack that led to depression that is still being treated 9 years later. My concern is not that some therapies don’t work, but that some therapies can be actually harmful. (I’m on long-term medication and thankfully that helps).

  26. To begin I want to apologize for my poor english but I feel kind of compelled to comment on this video after the title kind of "baited" me and got my hopes up for a moment. I don't really know anymore what I expected but after all this video left me kind of depressed. My situation, like many others, is to complex to shorten it, but I was in therapy for a few years and I am unsure if therapy can help me at all. Maybe I just need a place to give vent to my emotions which I am unable or unwilling to understand, but in more than 7 years my progress is around zero or in the negative. My therapist can't help me (I can't really blame her as it is my fault to begin with(help to help yourself – "Hilfe zur Selbsthilfe")), because I literally have no energy to "live" and I mean that in a more general sense, I often even lack the energy to pursue things I truly desire, making me wonder if I truly desire them or if it's just some kind of whim. "No one understands me" would be as accurate as stupid for me to say, as I don't really want others to understand me probably because I am afraid… it's been around 6 months without therapy for me although I could contact my therapist I don't really want to bother her. Perhaps I didn't experience a "right form of therapy" as my first contact with a therapist in hospital was more like a trauma to avoid at any cost, but even if I would find the right person, how would that give me energy? I don't understand the principle behind it, how can I find "motivation","energy" or whatever I should call it… I am not Sisyphos

  27. Going to therapy is like going to the doctor for strep throat. Penicillin is the "best" but some people are allergic. Sometimes someone was recently treated with penicillin so a different antibiotic is best. Maybe that strain is penicillin resistant. Luckily there are many other antibiotic to choose from.

  28. I have depression and anxiety, and honestly, your videos inspired me to be more open to my family about my illness and try to fix it. My family wrote it off as puberty for a while, but the more I told my mom about my feelings of emptiness whenever they occurred, the more she realized it was a real problem. She started taking me to behavioral therapy. My therapist was nice enough and I felt I could trust her. However, it was hard to bring up my feelings because she just wanted to talk about the events happening in my life, and not the overall feeling I had. I got my mom to go in with me to talk about it, and she immediately suggested medication. My mom's been on medicine for depression before, so they went with the kind she had taken. I'm on the lowest dosage right now and I can tell it's lifted me up but I don't think it's done quite enough, and my therapist agrees. However, I feel like my therapy experience is completely different than most other people's. The conversations aren't usually serious, they're just about what I've been doing recently, and she hasn't given me many tips at all on how to handle my feelings of emptiness and anxiety. My mom is starting not to like her because I come out of sessions 15 minutes early and tell her that she didn't really give me any pointers. Do you think she could be sneaking lessons in that are just too subtle for me to notice right away, or do I even need to go to therapy? I know I can't stay on medicine forever, so how do I make therapy work when my therapist won't help me? It's very puzzling. I'm worried I might have to switch therapists or stop attending sessions altogether.

  29. Just spent a few thousand for something that didn’t work. Time to spend a few thousand more on something else that may or may not work. . .

  30. I did EMDR and hated it. CBT and RET didn't help me. I'm supposed to do DBT but there is no one within an hour's drive away from where I live who does that.

  31. It might be you need more intensity. I was at McLean OCDI residential program a couple years ago. It was extremely intense which was what I needed. Outpatient ERP is great for mild or even moderate severity of symptoms. For severe I really think you need a residential program. I was so severe I was showering/washing hands much of the day, scrubbing with hot water and alcohol to point my skin was red and flaking off. I couldn't walk on cracks and had to walk in rectangle of 6 steps, 4 in one direction, 2 at a 90 degree angle or Id think my family would die. I have to flip light switches 6 times, often repeatedly until it felt right.
    I couldnt hold my niece as I was afraid I might be a child molester, same with being near my sister. My cat I absolutely love I stopped being able to be in same room as bc I thought I'd kill her. I'd have to repeatedly check when driving and parking as I'd thought someone was under my car dying and it would be my fault especially if I wasn't there to get them help. I couldn't eat anything that may have been touched by even a friend/relative. Every red spot I convinced myself was blood. I'd go around with my hands in my sleeve bc I couldn't touch a single thing that someone else may have. The list goes on and on.
    Many of the patients there were extremely severe and I saw amazing recovery. I was there for 3 months (twice) during 1 year. I can say when I left I was doing great and was able to continue with outpatient ERP. After about 4 months I didn't even need ERP n e more. I'm 2 years out and am on Luvox but my symptoms are so little it's nearly non-existant. I'm able to catch the occasion ritual almost right away, and my suds level is very low. I try todo the opposite of what my ocd is trying to tell me to do and no longer let it control me. If outpatient is not working for you I strongly recommend a residential ocd program if you're willing to give it 100% no matter how fearful you are.

  32. I've been going to therapy for 4-5yrs. I have sat silently thru most of the sessions. I find that when my therapist asks the right questions, I am most comfortable and it does help to go to therapy.

  33. One therapy that wasn't mentioned on the list is Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RODBT). It helps with people who are overcontrolled like those with obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD).

  34. 3 months wasn’t enough for me because I was too anxious and fearful to do things. But I knew that I’d found the right therapist and therapy. I just needed to build the trust and expose myself to feeling completely open and honest. This took a good year. I’ve been seeing them over three years in conjunction with other types of therapists. It’s working well.

  35. Hey Kati, I have a problem. I was on meds for about a year and they were helping, but I felt like all my good emotions were fake. I'm still off and feel the same as when I was taking them, but now there's a lot of pressure from family and even my therapist to get back on. I've started to hate going and I can't talk about my problems without someone saying, "You would feel better if you took the meds". It feels like I'm walking on eggshells and have to be perfect which I know isn't healthy. Should I just start taking the meds again or should I stick to my choices? Please help because I can't be even have problems anymore.

  36. I'm not much of a talker. I deal with a lot of anxiety and depression and found through cbt that an underlying issue I was dealing with is gender dysphoria. Unfortunately the therapist I was with at the time I discovered this wasn't particularly LGBT supportive (even though he thought he was). I switched to a different therapist who uses art therapy to work through our meetings and it's changed my outlook and made all the difference!

  37. Kati can you talk about abandonment and how it can damage someone. What happens to somebody that has been abandoned? How much of an impact can it have?

  38. I think one of the most rage-inducing things I’ve heard in relation to depression is that it’s “highly treatable” because it makes me feel like a complete failure for not having gotten better despite being in therapy and on medication for the past 8 years, having worked with many different therapists and tried many different medications and treatments along the way.

  39. 💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨💛✨
    Thank you so much Kati for making this video! My sister is currently suffering from anxiety and she recently went to a Therapist and said she didn’t feel better and felt a little uncomfortable. I showed her this video! Also could you maybe do ‘A day in the life of a Therapist’? It would be an incredible! 💛✨💛 💛✨💛 💛✨💛 💛✨💛 💛✨💛 💛✨💛 💛✨💛 💛✨💛 💛✨💛 💛✨💛

  40. Katie, what I really love about your approach is that you speak about mental illness like it's "normal", meaning with respect and no judgment. This is rare, especially where I'm from. ♥️♥️♥️

  41. Thank you Kati! Ive been thrown back and forth between so many therapist these last few years and no one has felt like the right person or the right treatment.. luckily I have the best doctor and she help me when no one else could, and now I've stated talking to someone that I finally feel I have a "connection" with, and feel safe. You saying that finding the right person before finding the right treatment, meant a lot to me, since this has been very difficult and I've been feeling like I'm the one who's hopeless and to "judgy" if you know what I mean..

  42. listen folks, off topic – do u know where to ask kati these questions? i need to ask kati sthg, if i need to become a patron for that, i will i just cannot find any info. thanks!

  43. Amberlynn Reid says she went to a Psychiatrist and was diagnosed with 4 things in one day on her first visit. Can Katie or another actual Doctor confirm if it’s possible to diagnose someone that extreme on One visit? I want to believe her but it just seems weird Thanks!

  44. Change anything, thearapist, medication, diet, movie or book choices, what brings you, up nmakes you down change narratives., remove yourself from toxic people,family.Time spent alone increases feelings of isolation.

  45. I feel for the person who wrote the question. The way that people talk, it's like CBT/ERP is the only way to "get better from" OCD and that if you just worked a little harder, then you'd be fine! It'd be cured! The sky will clear and there'll be rainbows and unicorns!

    But sometimes it just doesn't work.

    The thing is that it isn't fair. At all. If the world was just, things would get better.

    In my case, I was abused by a therapist who used the properties of CBT and ERP against me. I don't know why she did it. She reinforced the idea that I would never get better every single week. She tried to push me into inpatient treatment and told me that it was my only hope of seeing any relief.

    At the time, I couldn't see it because I was so desperate for it to work.

    Things did eventually get better, but it was hell for a while.

    I found that DBT helped, and so did learning about Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). It helped to fill in the gaps in my life.

  46. What can you do if you want to try therapy or something else but your insurance doesn't cover any of it and you cant afford it?

  47. I truly empathise with the writer of this question. I too thought this after seeing no improvement to my OCD symptomology after many years of treatment. What ended up working for me was DBT! I really want this person to know that there is so much more out there for them than this terrible disease, and that it's worth the struggle to get to the other side of this. All my love goes out to them ☀️

  48. I would love to see a video on high functioning anxiety!? Or if it is even a diagnosis? I would like to know more about it!

  49. Kati, I'm not sure if you've discussed this yet, but could you do a video on psychedelics and their benefits and/or pitfalls associated with treatment of OCD? I've progressively heard more and more positive things about them and how they open up dormant neural pathways and such. This would be a huge help. Thanks!

  50. I swear Schizoaffective really makes you feel awful when therapy doesn't work. And so many psychs and therapists just try their best but don't understand it enough.

  51. I look at therapy like an agreement and an argument. Maybe you’re agreeing to make life better. Getting there is a struggle. Patient or practitioner you can decide what you want and if you’re working towards it. If you’re not getting there, you can assess what to do. Progress is a struggle, but no party involved should give up if it’s what they want even when you don’t always win. There are always options and if you are in the middle of a struggle, you can remember that every moment is new.

  52. Please see Amberlynn’s recent psychiatrist video and tell me what you think. Hopefully you’ll see my comment and see how utterly offended I was and understand why I would like her to be proven wrong. I know I can just stop watching her but she’s taken this too far. I feel so shitty about myself right now – and I’m not saying that dragging her down is going to fix that. But I’d love to have a professional tell her how damaging her behaviour is

  53. Therapy to me is just talking to someone other then that is nothing. Can’t count how many times you are beyond my Expertise. Having RSD just makes being sent to next harder to deal with. But now just someone to say hi to. And have some kind of conversation with. I try to research new things on my own to get better in life, learned a lot.

  54. I struggle with agoraphobia severe anxiety and panic disorder, my biggest fear is death and my attacks happened while traveling. Can you do a video on a fear of medication? I have lorazepam 0.5mg and I'm terrified to take it , I wanna get better and go places please help .

  55. I had quite a traumatic ending with my therapist who I had been seeing for some time and it's really sad cos it affected me so badly and confirmed my worst fears that I'm just not worth it and no one cares. I would give a big warning to people with complex ptsd or any kind of trauma or attachment issues going into talk therapy that isn't 'trauma informed' cos some therapists however well intentioned just do not get it and aren't willing/able to really reflect on what they're doing. I had several really tough moments where I brought up my concerns with my therapist about how I was getting way triggered and dysregulated during sessions and it was just leaving me worse off and that took a lot of courage to speak up. Ultimately after a very painful time of feeling literally suicidal after this happened what I realise now is a therapist can only be as helpful or go as far as what they have experience with. I truly believe now that talk therapy alone is a thing of the past or it really only helps people with minor issues. If you have any deep trauma that is debilitating or affecting you in a profound way/making you physically ill, you need a Somatic Experiencing or Sensorimotor therapist. I mean I think every therapist should be learning about the role of stuck nervous system trauma (fight/flight/freeze/fawn etc) but particularly people dealing with trauma. It's just a tragedy that sometimes people are getting worse rather than better and then shaming themself/the therapist shaming them for not getting better. It can lead to a real mess. I guess what I'm saying is, people are coming to therapy in a dysregulated state and therapy can't reach or help a person in that state, so we need to be working to help a client get to a baseline of safety in their system (and in the room with the therapist of course) before the work can begin. I also think that for people with complex trauma, Internal Family Systems therapist alongside a body based therapy is the way to go. Parts work is so powerful and gets a person back to Self. I really think that traditional talk psychotherapy is a really outdated model which if don alone can actually be very unhelpful and potentially make it worse in for clients with any level of complex trauma. Wish I had realised this and done some more in depth research before going through a really bad experience. It's always assumed that talk therapy is best but there are other better options out there.

  56. If you feel comfortable your therapist would really appreciate hearing about your concerns. I always find with my clients trying new things, even if they're not the gold standard, helps a lot more than just going with the recommended treatment.

  57. I’m 19 and have had 14 therapists/counselors since I was 5. Many of those have dropped me as a client. It’s hard to want to push forward when so many professionals push you to the side because you’re too much work. This is a never ending fight that I gave up long ago. Not fun😑

  58. my anxiety makes me feel like the stigma millennial not capable of handling "normal" things. about 4 months ago I was fine dealing with everything and functioning and then bam anxiety attack. fear of driving. fear of crowds. fear of judgment. fear of embarrassment. am I good enough? what if I fail? I don't want to get into trouble due to my anxiety. Fear of passing out due to not knowing how people will react around me. < caused by childhood trauma …..funny enough writing this is just realized that's why im afraid of passing out. I haven't done so in a long time but the fear of reprimand rather than empathy is strong.

  59. DBT can be re-traumatizing. There is no room to talk about trauma. It is an assimilation program. Square peg/round hole.

  60. Hi! Kati, Can you help me with my dilemma. Here's my question. How to deal with the person who betrayed you with deciept. Thank you

  61. I always used to go to “talk therapy”, I’d sit down with a psychologist and just talk about shit that was bothering me. After a while I was a little disappointed, because I thought that I’d get better. Apparently my past experiences had been so shitty, that for any long term change to happen, I needed to go into a different type of therapy. So I tried EMDR. It worked miracles for my friend who had a drunk and shady dad, but for me it sadly didn’t do much, because my traumas were all pretty much bad social interactions at school. In a few weeks time I’m gonna give psychotherapy a try. The moral of the story: talk therapy and EMDR might not be enough to change your habits, behavior and thought pattern, so don’t be surprised if talk therapy doesn’t offer a long term solution.

  62. Can you make more videos about:


    -Being excluded at school. (I.e. 75% of the people in your class are getting invited to a party and you aren’t. You’re never allowed to know a secret and everyone else is etc…)

  63. Hi Kati, can you do a video about sharing about therapy with a partner/spouse? What if the partner feels threatened by the relationship with the therapist.

  64. I just started online therapy on faithful counseling. I have weekly video therapy session with my counselor. It has it where there is a session tab that you can message your therapist on as well. How often would it be normal to be conversing with your therapist on a platform like this online counseling?

  65. Someone made a comment asking if you would be able to do a video on drug-resistant depression. I did a search for it and couldn't find anything. For me, the frustration I have over not finding medications that work spills over into my therapy. If I can't concentrate, have zero motivation, along with other depressive symptoms, that makes my therapy that much harder and seems more hopeless. Then it feels like I'm not making any headway on either front. What has been your experience treating people with drug-resistant depression and what have you found helpful for it? I would love to see a video on this and I'm sure others would benefit from it too. Thanks.

  66. I'm struggling with vertigo and depression so I decide to go into counseling for fear I feel from an intruder coming into my home, so I get a message from a counselor giving me my appointment and she doesn't tell me that she's comming to my home, her receptionist tells me I feel appauld and honestly it's not right, I tell her, she had no remorse she hadn't discussed it with me making a house call. I told her this is not nice and unprofessional!!!

  67. I didn’t even know there were more forms of therapy. I’ve always sat and talked forever, changing nothing.

  68. Having hundreds of types of therapies doesn't help when the therapists that know how to do them aren't covered by insurance.

  69. The problem is that if a therapy doesn’t work it’s ‘the cliënts fault’. I’ve heard it many many times and it made me sick of it. Glad I’m no longer in therapy because it made things only worse.

  70. I hope this is what I was missing, therapy never worked, but it was easy and enjoyable. Maybe I need to step it up and talk about something that really disturbs me to the point of some difficulty.

  71. Different therapies and different therapists suit different people. The first councillor I went to was awful- very indescrete and not at all validating – he blamed my problems on the fact that I had a twin (which he brought up in the first place) and said it must be difficult being related to a genius. Not sure how that was supposed to be helpful but it made me feel really belittled and misunderstood.
    I saw a different Counselor recently and she is super lovely and kind and I’m so glad I persevered.
    There is always hope.

  72. The homework my therapist was giving me was stressing me out. I physically couldn't do it. Sometimes I felt like my therapist was being passive aggressive with his comments, when I didn't do my homework. So I stopped seeing him.
    I look back at my therapy sessions. I've realized that all the homework he wanted me to do, was of no value to me. It actually seemed generic. He told me to join a hiking group. Even through I can't walk properly. He also suggested golf. He sat at a computer printing out hiking, and golf groups for me to join. While commenting "if you really want to change. You will join these groups."

  73. Could you do a video about when you should stop therapy and you’re ready to go alone in eating disorders ( I’m in the final stages of therapy I think like I’m needing her less and less and I think I’m ready to go it alone ) but I’m scared about life after therapy! Xxx

  74. I wish you were my therapist 😂😂😂 Seriously though, thank you for your videos and putting everything out there. It’s so so helpful ❤️

  75. I really need to know what if you have a past of cutting. And she finds out you started agian will you go to a hospital like what happens please help me

  76. Yeah that helped. Let's spend a lifetime paying therapists who are not effective. But how long? Till we get anxiety and stay out of money? Cause it ain't a cheap sport

  77. My dad has terminal cancer and his diagnosis hit me leading me to now suffer with anxiety and depression. I’ve tried therapy multiple times over the last couple of years but I’m constantly told by therapists and mental health professionals that therapy won’t work if I’m dealing with something as extreme as my dad being terminally ill. I’m told I have to speak to a counsellor who focuses on cancer but I know that’s not what is the biggest factor contributing to my mental illness. I’m now scared to ask for help cos I don’t want to be pushed away again

  78. I never liked therapy. I have alexithymia, and they always want to ask how I feel about things, or write a journal about those feelings. I can't answer those questions, and I don't really experience a bunch of different emotions. I'm pretty neutral about everything except for being annoyed.

  79. The majority of those kinds of therapy is not for everyone.
    Don't waste your money, time, and energy with it.
    Use this money to buy things you like and a gun (if you live in a country where you can).

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