What makes a good therapist? | Kati Morton | Kati Morton

– Hey everybody, a while
ago I put out a video where I offered up some kind
of red flags to look for to know if you’re seeing a bad therapist. And today I want to do the opposite. I want to offer up some way
to know that you’re seeing a good therapist. Now for this video I’m
gonna talk about six ways to know that you’re
seeing a good therapist. However, I know I can’t name them all and talk about everything,
so if you have something that you think I missed
leave it in the comments and let me know, okay? But the first one is
feeling like your therapist is on the same team as
you and is trustworthy. This kind of goes back to the
basis of therapy really only works if we feel connected to them, like we can talk to them. That’s part of what we call
the therapeutic relationship, meaning we like them and
they seem cool enough and we really think we can work together. And I honestly think that
that comes out of feeling like we’re on the same team, we’re
fighting the fight together. We’re working together and
that is where everything good comes out of. The second one, and I know
you knew this was coming, healthy boundaries. What this really means is that
they’ve set up a framework for therapy for you to
keep it safe for you. This also means they work
through their own iss. They’ve probably been
in therapy themselves so they’re not bringing in
any of their own bullshit into your session. And this is what allows you
to be challenged by them and to thrive. And so I believe that healthy
boundaries need to be a part of every therapeutic relationship. And the third way to
know that you’re seeing a good therapist is that they
are a clear communicator. This is not only important
for setting up boundaries, I’ve talked about that
a lot in the past where it’s important that they
communicate them to you directly and you’re able to have a
conversation about the boundaries. But this also means that
they’re well-versed at being a therapist and they’re able
to cultivate an environment where you know that clear communication and direct conversation can be had. An interesting thing about
this is when we encounter this, if we’re not used to it,
let’s say we were raised in a family where nobody really
talked to one another, oh, we don’t say things like that and that could be taken the wrong way, it can feel really uncomfortable at first. But I think it’s so pivotal
to your work in therapy. And the fourth way to know that you’re seeing a good therapist is that they can help
explain more thoughtfully all that we’re feeling. Meaning those symptoms that
we have that maybe have been swirling in our head and
we weren’t really sure what it was and maybe we’re
feeling things in our body or having these emotions
and we can’t even tell you what the name of it
is, we don’t even know. Having a therapist put that
to words, say it out loud, can be so incredibly validating. And also will help up
better understand all that we’re going through. Then once we have a name
or a word to use for it, we can get better at saying it ourselves. And I really think that’s
such a great thing in therapy and necessary for us to be
able to process through it and better understand our own experience. And the fifth way to
know that you’re seeing a great therapist is
that they work with you to develop a thoughtful treatment plan. I know I talk about these a lot and treatment plans are pretty much just like a roadmap for therapy. And the reason I think this
is so important is because it ensures they’re not wasting your time. You’re not just dillydallying, just catching up and
chatting about your week, you actually are working
towards something. And I think it’s important
for therapy to be focused on the real issues,
working towards resolution of something that’s been bothering us versus hey, so how was that
trip you went on this weekend? It really keeps you focused and I think it’s really
important for a treatment plan to be part of a therapy process. And the sixth and final way to know that you’re seeing a good therapist is that they check in with you
regularly about progress made and ask you to see if you agree. The reason this is so important is because it keeps us motivated. Often I hear from my clients, hey, I don’t feel like I’ve done anything, I just feel like
everything’s getting worse. Our depression can get in the way, right? And talk us out of all
the progress we’ve made. And so I think it’s really
important as a therapist to periodically bring up
all the wonderful things that you’ve done, all the
hard work you’ve put in, and all those things on that
treatment plan that we work on together that we checked off. And so I think that this is
a really key part of therapy and making the therapeutic
relationship sound. And it means that you’re
working with a great therapist. I hope you enjoyed this video. It was actually really fun
to put that list together. But like I said, I can’t cover it all. So leave in the comments if
there’s something that I missed. Make sure you’re subscribed
so you don’t miss it when I put out videos and
turn on those notifications. And I will see you next time, bye.

100 comments

  1. In my many years spent with various therapists I think I've completed a list of things that mother me most:
    1) forgetting things you told them last week and not taking notes
    2) not following up on the things you promised to talk about on your next session
    3) not listening to suggestions or requests like journal topics or reflective assignments
    4) being judgemental or sex-negative (I've had a therapist ask me whether I watch porn, and when I said yes she seemed to be in deep shock even though I'm an adult)
    5) generally not providing anything new to the conversation (e.g. I say something like "I fear rejection." and go on for an hour about how I fear rejection and then the therapist just says "I think you fear rejection." and I'm left there frustrated, not knowing what to say or whether she'd even been listening the whole time)
    6) giving the air of distrust (e.g. I talked to a therapist about a friend and she kept insisting that I admit I have a crush on him even though I hadn't and there was no reason for me to lie to her about that)
    7) being prone to manipulation (e.g. I once asked my therapist to talk to my abusive narcissistic mother and my mother ended up convincing the therapist that I was guilty for everything wrong at home and that I deserved all the abuse I was getting, which the therapist ate up and repeated back to me as if it her own conclusion. I can still remember her saying that I should stop standing up to my parents and that I need to be stomped down more – the only thing I could think of was "Wow! She absorbed everything my mother tells everyone about me and didn't analyze it even for a second!")

  2. so important to know what good therapy should look like! I am so grateful I found an amazing therapist to work with me, she always makes me feel validated and keeps me motivated to keep moving forward.

  3. I think some great clues that you're seeing a good therapist (i.e. a therapist who is a good fit for you) are if you look forward to going to therapy and enjoy your time there, even when it's difficult or frustrating. If you think about things you've discussed in session and find yourself applying what you're learning, etc. Those are more subjective, but pretty good indicators that you have a good therapist. 🙂

  4. I like the idea of therapy having a clear goals. I've always thought of therapy as just an ongoing conversation that never ends (along with the common saying of "everybody should go to therapy"), but that sounds like a terrible financial decision.
    I have a question though, I have some body image issues that probably border on body dismorphic disorder, and I am considering getting in therapy for that. However, I'm a medical scientist, and have very strong opinions on the type of therapy I think will work on me or not. Mainly, I don't think talk therapy will help, and I won't accept medication, so I would like to do CBT. Can any therapist do CBT, or should I ask about that when I call to make an appointment?

  5. I think those a great criteria if you are doing some form of behavioral therapy. I think some of them don't really apply to analytical therapy. We never really set any fixed goals and therefore she also doesn't really check in with my progress. However my therapist is great and has helped me a lot. It is kind of hard for me to explain, but in analytical therapy, you don't really work to change specific behaviour or other symptoms but rather try to uncover and change the underlying beliefs and models of early relationship that cause the symptoms etc. So setting goals and making a plan isn't really possible. I was frustrated by that at first because I love plans and evaluating how well I've done, but it's also part of my problems so I think it is good that I am doing this type of therapy.
    I know this is not your specialty but I would really like you to make a video on analytical therapy (how it is today, not what Freud did).

  6. Could you do a video on what common treatment plans usually look like and some examples what some common goals in therapy are. I've often asked about goals and the usual answer has been "I can't pick your goals for you" and "just stick with it". I don't expect them to tell me what my goals are but would have liked some input in what do they think is important and attainable for me as a short term goal and feel out of several people I've never gotten a clear answer.

  7. According to you, I have an amazing therapist. She does all of those things. I think I'm going to mention it tomorrow, so she knows.

  8. I have ptsd and i have it from many different trauman. I wish you could talk about ptsd and work, this is Hard for me and right now i can't work… I feel like i'm a loser! Sorry for my bad English!

  9. I've spoken with two therapists and I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that they both will sometimes tell me issues that they've struggled with in the efforts to help me better understand that because they went through it I can get through it (sometimes they also do tell me how they dealt with it) in one way it seems to help me see how far theyve been able to come but at the same time it makes me a bit uncomfortable talking about something bothering me when I know it's bothered them in the past or could possibly trigger THEM. I guess that's why you say therapists aren't supposed to talk about themselves… I just wonder if this can sometimes be the exception if they do it right.

  10. Kati! I'm super proud of myself! I told my mom that I need help and she said she's see about my options. I'm still a little scared about what to expect still but I can't believe I finally reached out.

  11. I think 5 is the most common mistake. Good therapists may keep 1-4 and 6 in mind, but it seems common for therapists to have no treatment plan, and instead have therapy sessions that are more like deep chats, but which go nowhere. This is why I prefer treatments like CBT and DBT.

  12. I couldn't stand my therapist at first , and she let me know the other day that she felt that 😁 5 months have gone by and we have gotten closer , but I definitely wasn't feeling her . She used to cut me off , our sessions felt dry , she answered phone calls during my session and just seemed really distracted , and I let her know more than once that I didn't appreciate it . I would try to tell her where I was mentally or what I had been holding in , and she'd just want to talk positive . But anyway, she's a lot better now ❤️❤️ is it weird that I've hinted at self harm and dying , but she tells me as long as I keep it to myself she doesn't have to report it and get me hospitalized? I mean , I don't what to go , especially with everything going on with my family right now , so I think it's kind of nice if her to let me slide . Does that make her a good therapist or bad one ?

  13. Is it normal that I really want to please my therapist? I feel so bad about not getting better because my therapist is really trying to help me, and I don't want them to feel like they're not doing a good job, so sometimes I pretend that I'm better although I'm not. I know this can't be good for either of us, so how do I go about this? And do you think a therapist would notice that their client has been lying to them in this way?
    I also do this with other people, like I always try to make them feel like they've done extremely well.

  14. Left therapy after my therapist did EMDR. It fried my brain and really made my depression and PTSD worse.. still haven't recovered…

  15. Being a clear communicator is huge for me. My therapist is great at this. She never interrupts or uses useless chatter, she waits until I'm finished and has a clear response, and helps explain why I'm feeling the way I am. She's also very warm and friendly, and helps me make goals and plans.

  16. I have been binge watching (I hope that's not a new disorder) your videos and finally got the courage to see a psychiatrist yesterday. I was a healthy massage therapist and educator until 2 years ago. Since then, I have dealt with lung cancer, death of my mother, 2 rare diagnosis, thyroidectomy, a heart attack…. you get the idea. My GP has been suggesting that I see someone for a year. After watching your videos, and feeling more educated and empowered, I finally took that step. I'm not sure where things will go from here, but I am hopeful that they will get better. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and compassion.

  17. An interesting video. Really important to understand what you want from a therapist in order to make sure you get the right one for you. Like so much in therapy, things are subjective. Thanks for this.

  18. I'm seeing a therapist for my eating disorder and I feel like I'm getting nowhere. Seems like a big waste of time to me. Not really sure what to do about it.

  19. Hi, Kati

    I just really wanted to sincerely and genuinely thank you and let you know just how much I really appreciated and needed this video.

    I've started DBT therapy around February of this year, and it definitely has been the hardest point of therapy that I could ever imagine. I completely underestimated its overall background and thought it wouldn't be any harder than any other therapy I've done. I was completely misunderstood and wrong. Granted, I've had an excessive amount of hardships and struggles than ever before since starting, which has also taken a toll on my progress.

    It's just been extremely difficult for me to regularly see my therapist and attend group therapy; even regularly do my homework and practice my mindfulness (I still can't help but find it silly). I haven't been to group in months; I see my therapist more than I do attend group. It's mainly because of transportation and scheduling conflicts (I'm also a college student), but the entire team has been understanding, patient and cooperative with me, and I appreciate it.

    Ever since my time with my therapist on campus had ended, though (my counseling center's policy on campus only allows a limited number of sessions per school year – which is bullshit, but it's not their faults; it's the school system's), I've really struggled to build a connection and bond with my DBT therapist, which I guess one would consider understandable.

    My campus therapist was the best therapist I'd ever had in my life. He became my therapist once I returned to campus after admitting myself into the hospital (he was the one I'd seen when I walked in for an urgent, crisis meeting the day that I did). He represented every single characteristic on your list in this video, and so much more. If it weren't for him, I would have never known about having BPD, and I would have never known about DBT therapy. I miss him tremendously – and ever since then, I've held my DBT therapist on such a high pedestal.

    I'm extremely critical of my DBT therapist, and constantly [mentally] compare him to my previous therapist. I'm struggling to build my trust in him; struggling to believe whether or not he genuinely cares about me and wants to work with me towards a healthier life – or only doing what he's doing just because it's his job. Perhaps, my trust issues could also be because of my cynicality and trust issues with males – but, I just wanted to thank you, once more, for this video. It's definitely opened my eyes a bit more, and has helped give me a sense of trust, consideration and understanding for my DBT therapist.

    Overall, I've just been extremely grateful for your videos, ever since I stumbled upon them last year, and I thank you for everything you've done. I still really wish that you, my campus therapist, or my psychology professor (she didn't bullshit anything either, and she was literally like my second half) were my personal therapists – but, I know I have to give my DBT therapist a chance. I'm wishing you a wonderful day, Kati. I love you!

  20. Thank you for mentioning the treatment plan. I have/had co workers who see treatment plans and paperwork as a burden rather than an integral part of the treatment!!!

  21. I can't get a therapist on the NHS in England. I see them a couple of times then they want to pass me back to my GP as I'm apparently too unstable. I just can't get any therapy 🙁

  22. I feel like I get no where in any kind of therapy I do. No one seems to know how to treat you if you have like 7 chronic mental problems including AvPD with BPD traits. Or maybe I'm too impatient and give up after 4 months, I dunno 🙁

  23. hi kati! i have anxiety and it stops me from doing things with my friends and family because im too scared of it. my mom and doctor really want me to go to therapy but im nervous to do that too. what do i do?

  24. Number 3 about communication…I grew up in a family who did not communicate directly with each other. Conversations involved small talk, feelings were not validated. Learning how to communicate directly hasn't been easy for me, but I'm learning and it feels so good to say what I mean and feel.

  25. I am currently studying to become a Trauma Therapist and your videos are so inspiring to me. This one is especially so! These are good tips that I should keep in mind when I start getting my own patients. Thank you so much for doing what you do!

  26. Yeah that first, fourth, and fifth ones. I went in the see a therapist for social anxiety a few years ago. Mine isn't minor, it's extreme and debilitating. I haven't seen a therapist since because I'm just terrified of people. Anyway, it felt like she was sort of on my team but also not. She kept challenging me which I suppose isn't always bad but she made it feel like I didn't really have anxiety and that mine was as much as the average person i.e. saying I looked composed for someone who supposedly has anxiety, or saying that everyone feels anxious. She asked why I thought everyone was judging me and I don't know the answer to that. We just sat in silence for a lot of the time because I couldn't answer and she just told me to think about it. She didn't ask how I felt in particular situations or how much it affected me. There was no discussion of treatment, she just repeated that everyone is nervous to a degree and are worrying about something, and then tried booking another appointment.

  27. my brain is completely back now and when i get to TYT the first thing i am going to do when i get wes back and hopefully be able to fix a bunch of things with his help

    i think i fucked something up for myself when i dissociated as well and i need help fixing that its just that wes probably has the info i need and that is the same number i need to fix the stuff that i fucked up with the baby panda bear and then there is fix things with tigerbelly and tytcomedy ya that isnt going to be easy i fucked up bigly on that one

    thx for this ha bisky vid at least i am remembering something from feb even if the memories are coming back very slowly and in very fucked up pieces

    sam seder at least adores me even though i went batshit crazy on his ass

    i hope that dodie doesnt mind that i will be borrowing her brother to fix my fuck ups for some time i love dodie and i wish she was my baby sister she is so adorable and has the prettiest vibe ever it distracts me like wes vibe used to and jimmys still does

    after wes had a mental break down on TYT his vibe sort of broke and was never the same its how i knew he had CPTSD i thought it was PTSD because i was 19

  28. Does anyone know of really great therapists in the orlando florida area? Specifically that can help me with my Depersonalization?

  29. I think this video kind of simplifies things a little too much.. what you're describing is a good cognitive-behavioral therapist, you should mention that that is not the only possible approach and that some therapist don't set goals and plans because that's just not their "philosophy". I read people here flipping out about having been to therapy for more than a year without having any plan set.. I don't think that's how all therapeutical approaches work. please correct me if i'm wrong!

  30. This can also be extended to Lawyers. Especially number 1. feeling they're on your side. I had a lawyer and I kept asking myself whose side is this jerk on? Yet, I was the guy paying him. Weird.

  31. a good therapist is one you vibe with, you can really TALK WITH them, genuine , & they give you solutions to your problems so you can overcome whatever is bothering you

  32. I’ve gone to my first therapist for 3 years on and off, and every time I went, I felt like we were just chatting. And if I did explain what was going on, I got the feeling that I should know that already. Their advice would always be “it is what it is” or most commonly “well, just don’t do that”. Though, I’m with the first quote, when I told them high school make me anxious and all they say is “well, just don’t go there”, it makes me feel like that issue didn’t really matter, that it’s not something to worry about. Even if that IS true, I don’t want you to blow it off.
    Now, I decided to go to a new therapist, and this one hears me out and I feel like we’re on the same team. They don’t downgrade my problems, and when I get off topic, they help steer me back. They’ve actually given me tips on cop my with my issues besides just blowing it off. So I find it very important to find the right therapist to go to.

  33. Hi Kati! My name is Rachel and I am a freshman in college studying psychology to be a mental health counselor/therapist. I began as a dietetics major (wanting to focus on eating disorders,) but after some deliberation, I realized a dietitian's role in ED recovery is very restrictive and I resonate so much more with the therapy side of EDs vs just making meal plans. Plus, your videos have opened my mind to so many possibilities of how I can help people outside of just eating disorders!! You inspire me so much and I learn everyday from you 🙂 

    So my question- I am only 18 years old, so I know I have a lot of time, but I was wondering how do you combat the feeling that your not good enough as a therapist? My biggest fear is that Im going to put so much energy into my passion and then end up not being a "good therapist." I know that as I progress through school and grad school they will teach me what I need to know, but I am so eager to learn it all NOW (lol, I know I can't!!) And I would love to see some videos that are FOR therapists  (i.e. how you set boundaries, how to separate yourself from becoming too emotionally involved in someone's recovery etc.)

  34. thank you thank you thank you!! I needed this bad. I had to dump my therapist because all I did was talk. there was no exchange or plan of recovery.

  35. Hey Kati! I am a 2nd year grad student in clinical counseling and I am working toward becoming a LPC specializing in children and family therapy. Thank you for this channel! I really liked how you put together a list of 6 really important qualities a therapist needs to have in order to help their clients. Great channel, Kati!

  36. Top 5 quality of the best Psychotherapist.

    1) Possession of a sophisticated set of interpersonal skills.

    2) Ability to help you feel you.

    3) Willingness to establish an alliance with you.

    4) Possession of self-insight.

    5) Reliance on the best research evidence.

    Pls visit this http://italktherapy.co.in/ to know more about how to find the best psychotherapist in your region.

  37. I need to see a therapist and psychiatrist, but where I live, we don't have many of them. Every time I call a place, they either have no openings for new clients, or they don't accept my insurance. Except for one place – River Valley Behavioral Health, but I don't like them at all. I've seen many therapists and psychiatrists there. The therapists don't act interested and don't talk much and don't seem to want to help, and I've NEVER had one check up on me before. I feel distanced every time I meet a therapist there. I have had one psychiatrist I liked, but she left and went to another city and none of the other psychiatrists seem to want to help me (they just gave me meds and didn't seem interested in evaluating me for other possible mental disorders. Like I was diagnosed with bipolar 2, but after watching your videos on borderline personality disorder, I feel like that fits me better.) Basically in a nutshell, none of them seemed to really care. Not to mention, I also have a problem where I have no one to watch my kids now, and I can't take them with me if I ever do find a new therapist and psychiatrist. (No friends, parents are disabled and I can't trust them not to smoke around my kids, and I've distanced myself from the rest of my family for the way I've been treated.) What can I do? I really need help.

  38. l have no idea where we are going with my therapist. I haven't seen him for over a month now; my choice. I'm supposed to see him next week. I still feel I need someone to talk to. he says it's not important whether he likes me or not.
    what do you think Kati? do you have to like the person you are counseling? or do I have to like the person who is counseling me or agree with them? I feel like he is a school principal and I am the student and he is always finding fault with me and correcting me.

  39. Awesome video ! I have a really hard time with trust, I have had one therapist that I started to trust, and I was like 13 and I’m 30 something…

  40. I work as a psychologist. I assess the mental health of people living with dementia. At times I've found delusional thoughts provide comfort for a person living with dementia. Given this, do you think it's ethical to reinforce the delusion to keep the dementia patient happy; and do you think it's ethical to lie to a patient who cannot deal with reality?

  41. Boundaries are so important. I’m 48 and have been seeing therapists since I was 12. Only 1 therapist stands out among them all. He was a complete jerk. The first session he kicked his feet up on a chair, not the seat portion the top of the back rest, so he was slouched in his chair, he proceeded to eat a granola bar. No eye contact asked me why I was there. Didn’t read my notes. Because I was going through some crap I gave him a second chance. Next appointment I had to tell him about some experiences I went through and told him my feelings on certain subjects and how these subjects initiate panic attacks. That MFer started talking about the subject and interjecting his own opinion and I shouldn’t let it bug me.
    I froze. Then I cried.
    He was a prick. Had he read my intake packet he would of seen my PTSD and anxiety diagnosis at the very least.
    My next and last therapist said I should have reported him. She actually knew him.

  42. I was incredibly lucky and clicked with the first therapist I saw. She ticks all of these boxes, and I never feel judged. Today, I didn't even feel like getting up and going to the session, but I forced myself and I am glad that I did. This morning, there was no point. After the session, I can take a step back from that and amend it to "It feels like there is no point, but that is a symptom of my depression, and one that I can actively change". Yay for great therapists!

  43. Is it rude to ask a new therapist a bunch of questions in the first appointment on how they do things in general? Like, do they ask questions when you talk about things? Do they give homework? I prefer a therapist to be someone to bounce ideas off of and someone who may ask me questions to make me think which lead to me to realizations on my own life. But this seems to be hard to find. Maybe it’s not common? I keep getting therapists that just sit there and expect me to mostly talk at them but I don’t know what to say in situations like that and frankly for me, talking to a wall would be just as helpful.

  44. I think your videos are useful, and I also think you are also subtly valuing your type of therapy and not others, like psychodynamic or psychoanalytic which are hugely helpful to many people. I think this ends up confusing people who watch this video, as evidenced below by the comments. They start to think the style is unethical, when it's just a different style and values something you do not, like the unconscious mind and how it drives us.

  45. Hey you on the video can you be my therapist even though I truly don't need one, many people in the past of my high school days told me I should have been a therapist because I always there to listen to all their so-called personal problems especially when it relates to women, but in reality I truly don't feel sorry for them but I do learn from them only to prevent it from happening to me, but in reality I'll be an evil therapist kind of like Hannibal Lecter except I won't be killing and eating people but be a really bad influence and manipulator especially when they're desperate which makes them often irrational, impatient, and will it do anything to hope for a great progress or a great result.

  46. I think my therapist is very good. She's very clever and cool. I appreciate her so much and always feel at ease. Also we never cross the boundaries. However I find hard the do the homeworks. She knows that (she must know by now), but she never suggests alternative ways to resolve the issue. Is it really like there is no more than one way?

  47. I know this is more a logistical thing, but for me, I need to be able to make appointments easily, as in not having to wait over three weeks to make a new appointment. I always make my next appointment after my session is over to make sure I have another one ready, but if it's hard to get into see your therapist it's going to be hard to work on things and talk through things when you have so much time in between. I think this is important in the beginning, I'm now at the point where three weeks between app. works most of the time (I've been in therapy for years now) but some people may need more or need to be able to make a last min appointment if something really hard comes up like the death of a loved one, scary health stuff etc

  48. Hi! Could you maybe put out a video about what a treatment plan may look like? I'm not sure if I have one or not, it seems like you're describing something very detailed and planned. Would you mind expanding on that, maybe giving examples of how to make one with your therapist? Thanks!

  49. The boundry thing scares me. I need a little extra closeness, like maybe a hug. A distance guves me anxiety and like thus person isnt really hearing me, and it scares me. What do I do about this?

  50. I'm paranoid that a therapist or phychiatrist will push me or force me to do things I'm not ready for or things I'm not comfortable with

  51. Unfortunately I met a few bad therapists in my life.
    I’ve been to so many therapists I lost count.
    They made me feel even more guilty about the things I did or thought or felt.
    I suffered many relapses because I felt unwanted, worthless and a waste of space.
    Luckily I found a therapist that I feel now it’s finally working and I’m better now but still far from “cured”.

    I have Despression, BED and I have an unhealthy relationship with booze.

    But I hope 🤞🏻 I hope that I’ll overcome this and conquer my inner demons in the end.
    Or at least learn how to deal with them.

    Because giving up is not an option!

    “Lord, we Must be patient. We know what we are but not what we can be.”
    Ophelia, Hamlet Shakespeare

  52. I am so frustrated because I think I am seeing a pretty bad therapist and the therapy is not helping very much…

  53. I knew my therapist was good 🙂 I have a tendency to try to steer off track with whatever happened in my week, the veer off into a rant and she either steers me into the homework I did (or sometimes didn't do) or finds a way to make what I told her productive. I definitely self-sabotage, it's harder to face real past problems over current problems. Props to her for knowing to keep me on track. I hope more people find good therapists.

  54. Isn't 'therapy' a Narcissist's Fantasy? What better source of constant, varied, and new supply??? I feel like this has happened to me repeatedly, Either that or these therapists flunked out or cheated, their way through school!!!???

  55. My life of therapy, I am 51 years old, starting around 13 or 14, I had no help, no treatment plan. I had 'silent' or 'chit-chat' therapists, who never knew or cared about my abuse, and couldn't even, identify it. I only found out, by myself, after I am like 44 years old!!! Still, I get only help through vids and books. I never have had a good therapist, and I did have Blue Cross most of my life! Now, I have medicaid, thanks to all the abuse, and I doubt, from my experience of medicaid, that 'll get a good therapist. i've stopped looking, now, really; just so despairing of ever getting any real help. "Coaches', life coaches, want lots of money, don't take health care.

  56. Hi, Kati. What do you think? Please answer. I am very anxious and depressed, 'brainwashed' and 'programmed' to be 'negative'.
    I still have these bad influences, abusers, in my life, keeping me down. i dk how to get out of it, since I never was the 'breadwinner'. I was a stay-home mother, and was controlled and abused in every way, my whole life. i was left with nothing and no career or job, as well. i went to school and got a 4.2 GPA, but my parents hated on me; I quit doing well in school, no support, they are constantly, every time i see them, dragging me down, planting seeds of self-doubt, and 'can't do it', in me!!! i dk what to do. Books and vids NEVER give you the ANSWER! How to HEAL??? WHY? Why is it a BIG SECRET??? I can't afford anything. The system, in psych hospitals, and adult 'homes', is Abusive. i was homeless, due to so much abuse; left with no warning, and on the street. My children were taken away, my parents refused to help, during the abusive relationship, and during the divorce. i had no lawyer, got nothing, from a 17 year marriage, with 3 children; and he is a GM Employee, with our house, 2 cars, boat, stocks, retirement plan, etc… ??? How the___ did that happen? Who does that happen to??? No one believes me!!! They think I must be at fault, for my circumstances. i have my degree, but dk what to do; no support no self-esteem. I believe them, i can't make a living!!!!

  57. Kati, my has a therapist who is doing pretty much everything right…except the last bit. He isn't giving me a treatment plan at all. He just has me talk and talk. We have been having sessions biweekly for about 4 months with a few missed visits due to family emergencies on his end. Shouldn't we have started a plan by now?

  58. Ok so to the 4th point, I can see straight away if it's gonna be ok or not… but for the 5th and 6th, it didn't work. I have this feeling of going nowhere, to waste time. I'm glad to here that ^^

  59. I don't have a treatment plan with my therapist. She will ask me how my anxiety is doing but not offer to help me with tools to improve my situation .

  60. My first therapist was good. My second one (the first one got a new job and was needed asap) was too friendly. Even my husband (I have him come along for the first couple sessions because I get really anxious around new people, and he helps me stay honest) said she was basically like my best friend instead of my therapist. I got so much progress with the first one, and I think I actually went backwards with the second.

  61. I was with a therapist for a month or two. I saw her once a week and I have agoraphobia and insomnia so it's like I went to sessions she stirred up all these emotions…. And it was over whelming for me and all the emotions with stress triggered something giving me hives. But we would only get to our plan for the last thirty minutes of the two hours we had. Usually she would kind of try to be buddy buddies with me which made me kind of uncomfortable. And the last two weeks I had to cancel because my insomnia was taking over and she knew about this as she sent me a message saying that if I kept canceling that she couldnt develop the patient doctor relationship but at the same point she knew about my insomnia and agoraphobia but never even touched on a game plan with that. She also didn't believe in medicine either and got upset with the fact I talked to someone else about taking pills for my insomnia. (To which I stopped because she was upset about it.) It just felt… Off having her as a therapist I didn't feel connected so I texted her that it wasn't going to work out so please stop texting me. It's like to this day I wasn't sure if I was overreacting or not and I still feel bad…

  62. My therapist doesn't tell us the treatment plan and sometimes we catch up on our week. But he's not a CBT DBT by the books type

  63. My MHC was referred via EAP bc of a bully supervisor. Now bc of her recommendations to take FMLA, my job is seriously in jeopardy. She spends half session playing w/ her dog ,,& there's no plan of action. Scared.

  64. What if I feel like discussing certain issues becomes more about the therapist being right rather than having my feelings or options validated?

  65. Doesn't a plan of any kind include goals? That means in my treatment, I should bet setting goals with my therapist. For example: The plan is to stop binge eating… here are the steps I'll take to stop binge eating… I do the steps and I still binge eat. I would think that would make me feel like a failure and make me not want to go to therapy anymore. Sure, the therapist's job may be to work with me to NOT feel like a failure, but inherent in plans and goals is failure…right?

  66. Lol my therapist IS NOT a clear communicator… she doesn't explain shit and I'm always left floundering, like wth is gonna happen next…

    I'm also completely in the dark about any treatment plan/goals, I mean I don't really have anything I'm going for treatment wise but I don't even know what her plan is.

    She does everything else okay I think.
    Even though she's not perfect, I'm not switching therapists. It took a long time to get to the level of trust I hold for her now. I don't have enough mental energy to do it again. I don't really want to, either. Maybe I'm not committed enough for therapy. Once I finish college I'm not going to therapy. If i give up, I give up, whatever.

  67. I had a lot of bad ones and difficult not to be guarded now and thought seeking therapy makes me cringe.
    Bad therapist- they put themselves on pedastal. They put their emotions before the client. They don't listen, hear what they want to hear.
    I had one that was out in a meadow chasing butterflies! He wasn't bad though- just didn't understand my words

  68. Could you direct me to the previous video on attributes of a bad therapist that you mentioned at the beginning of this video?

    Some of us have to just accept the therapist that was assigned to us, according to the case load of the therapists at the county mental health center.

  69. I just fired my counselor for her negative view on my trauma and calling me in the evening, and wanting me to have counseling on the phone.

  70. i feel like my therapist takes what i day the wrong way, like they just don’t get it. and it’s like i have to explain it in a more concerning way, like basically make the story worse, or make certain details worse to really emphasize that i’m not okay because they just don’t think i’m struggling.

  71. My problem with therapy is that they expect me to have (at least some of) the answers as a foundation to our discussion. I’m so out of touch with my feelings that I HAVE NO IDEA what the problem even is! I end up having to make a guess (which is inevitably wrong) just so they won’t think I’m being uncooperative. I’m starting to think I’m a hopeless case.

  72. That certainly doesn't describe my therapist. She just comments on how LONG I've been in therapy and that therapy SHOULD have a time limit. I haven't gone back…so far.

Leave a Reply

(*) Required, Your email will not be published