WHERE I'VE BEEN (Depression & Anxiety)



hi guys I'm hungry and I'm back on YouTube okay okay well my hair's a complete and utter mess I'll tell you why in a bit hi guys I'm Cassidy in today I am on YouTube I'll always so I don't know where I'm going to start so today's video is going to be just telling you guys where I've been at what's been going on and telling you guys I am actually back and staying here I know I said that before but I've said it when I was in a quiet fireplace and I was trying my best to be on half the night ended up accepting I wasn't ready for it but I am now sorry yeah so after this video I'll be back to my final videos and whatever ask you want to do anything you guys want to see comment down below yeah also there's one over here I need to upload it's kind of serious it's about an experience I had which was quite bad but I've just moved house so I need to get the all the footage for it because this happened a few weeks ago and I moved last week so does need to get old footage and then I'll have that up possibly tomorrow maybe in week and then after that be back to know more before it's an important thing that I need to share with everyone so yeah so the reason that I haven't been online for a year and a half or so well inconsistent for a year and a half is because I have been suffering from anxiety and depression and also quite by PTSD which is post-traumatic stress disorder so I noticed towards the of the end of May of 2017 what year are we now we're in 2009 to 1st 2017 it was like year and a half two years ago I went to an event and I had been gaining a little bit of weight because I was quite depressed and I didn't tell anyone but I can't have just kept it to myself as I thought you know I'm gonna get over I'm gonna be fine so I was suffering with quite bad depression it wasn't as was yeah I went with you to prevent upload event and I really fell out of place not around the people who are attending it was around the youtubers I felt so out of place you know I had gained a little bit of weight because I was so low I was comfy comforting in and then I just just I wasn't myself and I didn't feel comfortable afterwards it felt I fit in and I just wanted to go home and cry I don't know what was going on with me I just felt really all over the place the only thing that made that day good was meeting some of my subscribers people who had watched my videos and stuff that is the only thing that really cheered my day up without uncomfortable and it wasn't against any of the people that were there it was me I just didn't feel good in myself anyways a few weeks later the diss track trend started and my name got brought up into one and it was the it was only one line and usually things that I don't bother me but it really did because I was already in a bad place and it was just saying about my weight and that really got to me and it really really it completely set me off track and thing is I've had every single comment Under the Sun there's nothing that anyone can say to me that will that would usually upset me I would you should be like ah funny just laughing it but where I was already in a bad place someone who'd rather me brought me into a diss track and I was like oh come on just leave me out of it I don't want no any of the drama honestly so and that really set me off track and I felt awful for weeks and ended up having a complete knock-on effect and I got fatter yeah so I had other things going on at home I ended up getting so depressed not because of this track but because of other things that were going on I ended up getting so depressed that I just completely shut myself off to everyone I didn't speak to anyone any of my friends any of my family obviously spoke to my mom I completely pushed everyone out everyone people were messaging me and I've always find some sort of excuse to not apply I would avoid going outside because I've had bad manners I as he was also one would have to do is put the hand in their pocket and wink near me and I think they were going to pull out my knife and stab me my head was playing stopped by a trick something I was so worried about getting her about my family getting hurt it's at a point where I stopped leaving the house I don't know I a few years ago got robbed at knifepoint there was 12 guys barged into our house and it was mistaken identity oh I so hard to think about and it made me get a phobia of going outside and also phobia of being inside so I had absolutely no escape I kept myself inside a just for so so long and I just didn't want to speak to anyone about it I didn't know what was going on and it was awful it was really really bad to the point where in my old house with we're in a new house now a new house as of this week but the old house I was at my mom's window all the time because it was at the front and I was just so paranoid in case people were going to come and hurt me and being so back because I've been mad when I was outside I'm scared of people if I was inside I was scared of people coming in and I become very very unwell and I didn't realize just how bad it got I was crying all the time my mom must come on get it together my mom's trying to support me as much as she could it was absolutely no half of me she said you need to get help and that's why I did so with a depression I ended up gaining in I gained I went from 9 stone up to 15 stone and I I've never in my life called past eleven at half bearing in mind that when the dish track was out whether this track got released and I had that one coming up got to me I was only 10 and a half stone which is small I was small I just gave to stone and a half and he decided to use that against me just pathetic I have now lost majority of that way and I will have a great transformation video coming out soon once I have finished my Germany I just didn't film myself I'd lost all most of my hair due to alopecia no I wear wigs a lot of the time sometimes I have a little bit of my hair out like this this is a wig with some of my own hair up because my natural hair is very curly like really tight curls but the curves of chiroptera on my inside nature if I could find one here I'll have my natural hair is so I ended up going to counseling and I had committed behavioral therapy and I was diagnosed with PTSD which is post-traumatic stress disorder it's when your brain doesn't process trauma properly people are around a crime day and stuff and other people who have got that as well I hadn't processed as truly properly and that's what the therapy was for I needed to ask for help and that's what I did and now I'm in the best place that I have been or a good two years I'm I can easily say I am content and I'm happy I have more good days than what I do bad days now which is brilliant for me and this is why I wanted to come back to YouTube for someone's house more people having fun again I wanted my life back and I lost that because of what I was going through so on the friends subject I lost all my friends apart from one because I just wouldn't message them I want to speak so no one would understand why II could have speak to anyone about it lucky enough most of them after I explained what I had been going on they were really sympathetic there was only one person who was a dick about it the rest of them would be really good but the pattern that was an idiot to me they're not worth it and not worth the hassle I'm not gonna let myself get upset over someone who doesn't understand my situation because that's not a good friend so afterward that I cited focusing on positive things and what I wanted to achieve so I don't know if you're about to see it so I made I've started to make myself a vision book basically I put myself when I was really really slim when I was doing like fitness and staff I made a little social blade thing of my subscriber count that says 2 million and five to do 2 million and five I don't know why says the five and then this is another one when I was really really slim and then it's a Range Rover because that's why 1 and my other one my other bitches got and that was just on the skies traveling and summer and the city I've got was like my favorite thing every single year loved Peninsula Marin City just love days those who don't know something two years is Aug repent oh yeah and is this it's like a little holiday thing of someone swimming on broke I definitely couldn't do that because we busted out I would snap the rope and probably break my head the main one for me is positivity and the two ministers youtubers what motivates me and YouTube is what got me through a lot of last year this is what I want to do a video about if you guys want like a follow-on video just to kind of like me explain how I ended up getting out the place that I was in please look down below and you guys know I'm just a DM away on the Instagram I do reply to most of my DMS literally as many as I can apart from the random pervy one so I wanted to make this video because I wanted people to know that no matter what situation you're in no matter how happy someone seems they can be going through something I was I was at my peak okay I was growing around 25,000 subscribers a day I was doing amazing and I was I felt so happy and then just like that I was just it wasn't good again but you know what I know what I want to do and I want to be back on here I want it be communicating with everyone who watches this video yeah so there was a lot more that happened and I wanted to keep this short and sweet so you could kind of get a gist what was going on yeah odd year but I'm through it I done it I didn't give up because there was times I just I didn't want to live anymore and that's the reality of it I'm absolutely not going to beat around the bush there was times what popped into my head well I don't know it's absolutely no way that I would do anything about it and I fought through it and I'm hearing I'm back I'm losing the weight I'm getting I was gonna say sexy boom I don't do sexy I'm getting back to me again I feel like me coming back on YouTube will be the best thing for me and yes so guys I hope you guys enjoyed this video miss anything you guys want to know then please let me know go over to my Instagram it's Cassidy Valentine it's the only social media I have a way I have snapchat as well snapchat it's Cassidy Valencia because I didn't have enough words I'll be wearing my kite isn't in its video write them earlier if any of you were going through anything please reach out to me or reach out to someone because it is so important down an allotment box below I'm going to leave loads of charities and people that you can reach out to remember you can always reach out to me I will do my best I'll absolutely do my best to reply to you so yeah thank you so much for watching this video and thank you back UK me back again guys do you yes so thank you guys watching this I'm really happy to be back and back to me again properly and I feel Freddie I've already so yeah I'll see you guys in the next video

37 comments

  1. Hey guys, this is a video just to explain where i've been for the last year or so and to explain what will be happening in the future regarding YouTube. I've left a few charities in the description if any of you want to speak to anyone about whats going on.
    PS – Sorry about the camera quality, it'll be sorted in the next video. Oh yeah, the lipstick on my teeth too! Haha

  2. Glad you’re back! I kinda just thought about you like four days ago, Idk I was watching YouTube and then I was like: I remember someone named Cassidy Valentine, does she still do videos? I checked, no. And now you’re back! Missed you!

  3. I wanna say how much I’ve missed you and glad to see you back and well ❤️…You are an inspiration and I wish you the best from here on 🥰.

  4. Omg welcome BACKLKKKKL❤️ I hope you feel gooooood in yo life screw depression love yourself and be yourself 🌹 BE happy and appreciate What yu Have the Beauty on your face doesn’t look good with depression in yu😕 I got school so gonna watch after 9 hours😕🙌🙌🙌🙌 peace outttttttt

  5. really happy that your back I usually do fortnightly updates to see if you've posted happy that you've been receiving help welcome back

  6. This was touching, it’s always best to take care of yourself first before anything. And that’s a very tough one with a little one. But take time to care for yourself even if that means going quiet for a while. Best wishes and take care of yourself and that baby. Happy to stand by and watch, whether it’s everyday or every month, oh heck, Year! Your health is what’s important!

  7. Cassidy, you’re amazing! No matter who’s in your life or not you’ve got through this and I’m sure you’ve been an amazing mum to your little girl too. You’re such an inspirational gorgeous woman❤️ always looking up to you 💪🏼

  8. I’m was so excited to see your face in my subscription. I knew you were coming back that’s why I never unsubscribed.❤️❤️❤️

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